Establish dominance in a meeting by bringing donuts and saying no one can have any because they are for a later, more important meeting.

it's a shame group chats don't exist here i enjoyed leaving them

Why do those Scrub Daddy sponges have that suspicious smile 😃

I accidentally looked a gingerbread man in the eyes at the store and it gave me the shivers.

White and red wine pairs well with different foods but both pair well with difficult relatives and annoying neighbors.

The amazing thing is that the guy had enough money to waste a sandwich in this economy. 🤤

I thought Bad Bunny was that little rabbit eating my flowers.

Just a girl obsessed with the moon.

The realtor has asked me to kindly stop saying "This is not my beautiful house!" every time we looked at a new listing.

Leave your problems at the door and become a recluse. <inspirational>

Game 7 of the 2025 World Series averaged 51million viewers combined across the United States, Canada, and Japan making it the most-watched MLB game in 34 years, since Game 7 of the 1991 World Series.

this looks like a trick daffy duck would put up to get bugs bunny into "the oval office"

When I was a boy we had to invent snow before we could walk ten miles through it to get to school.

am I smarter than a 5th grader? buddy, I'm not even smarter than me when I was in fifth grade

Someone who asks for a “deep dive” meeting is asking to waste your time.

I don't want to "drill down," or "circle back" I want to go to sleep on the floor

My workout playlist: - Air Supply - Crosby, Stills and Nash - Pablo Cruise - Barry Manilow - America - Peter, Paul and Mary I’m in terrible shape, but very well rested.

can't believe Salvador Dalí left all those clocks out in the sun like that smdh

Log in late to a Teams meeting just to let a mf know.

There’s a difference between iced coffee and the coffee you left on your desk since 6 am and decide to drink at 11am.

People were crazy even before the Super Moon.

On your first day of prison, walk up to the biggest guy there and challenge him to a spelling bee

I do think yesterday’s results reinforced the dynamic that while much of the American leadership class is chickenshit, most of the electorate is not

Mike Johnson: Single-handedly proving that power is not the ultimate aphrodisiac.

Them: your days are numbered Me: all days are numbered, it’s called a calendar ya dumbass

shit posting for freedom

someone who fraudulently misrepresents themself as being good at standup's favorite font is Comic Shams

now that baseball is over, i return ownership of my mental health to where it belongs: in custody of the 22-year-olds at Arsenal Football Club

Hello.. new followers. I am not a political account. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Kash Patel has a girlfriend. We need to talk to a sister like wtf girl you blind?

What kind of asshole actually takes food assistance away from poor people.

There was an actual air guitar competition on TV like they didn’t even know that #GenX are the greatest air guitarists in the world.

Try being a nice person fuck face. - Me as a motivational speaker

Priest: I now pronounce you man and wife. Me: Of course you do. How else would you pronounce us? “Mane and weef”?

Whatever dude it was in the Bible that said "Love thy neighbor" didn't have any.

216 Emory Street, Baltimore,MD. If you know you know.

Only 143 days until #MLB Opening Day 2026.

Anyone who says baseball is boring you should be watching this #WorldSeries 😱

you say coffee i say a rebirth.

“Small” coffee is the Voldemort of drinks. I refuse to utter its name.

highway to my comfort zone 🎵

a guy down the street from us is giving out garlic bread and i need a few more costumes

It’s not shitposting, it’s content creation. Twirls away.

if Edgar Allan Poe were on bsky, skeets would be called Poests

Walkin into work like

Looking for someone who shares my love of stuffing.

“I’m sorry” 😂