when you're looking at a boggy marsh

After I was on Jeopardy, I got invited to a FB group for contestants and made a whole new wave of trivia-head friends whom I usually get to see IRL once a year (and a tight group of whom I chat with daily). And one of them—thanks to their time on J!—took me as their +1 to ride the Goodyear blimp.

I for one think it's sweet that they're giving newborn babies WSJ bylines

🙌🏻

There are so many ways to stop Stephen Miller. We should try them all. Alphabetically is fine.

What the fuck do you mean I got a longer prison sentence than Diddy

You do not have your shit sorted as much as you think; you are not old; this is not your last chance to get strong but it’s the best time to start; life is not an exercise in what is enough; shitty jobs and spouses to the airlock; get free, get fed, then help others do the same.

GUY WHO JUST CAME BACK FROM DOING THE JABBA'S PALACE COMEDY FESTIVAL: You know, I gotta say they're really great in there, they're just like us. I thought it was only gonna be women in chains and a trapdoor monster they feed slaves to but like, they also have a band that plays cool music.

sorry did i tell you to slam the fucking DOOR of my dragula? cause that wouldn't make much sense would it? "please mistreat my vintage novelty car" no i think i'd remember saying something like that. now get out, slam back in, and shut the door gently. (engine off) yes i'm fucking serious

quick while the government is shut down let’s all switch to metric

1. What is the term for the cooking technique, a method of butterflying, in which a bird (usually a chicken) is split and flattened, with the backbone removed (and also sometimes the sternum)? FOGHORN LEGHORN'S RECUR—I SAY, RECURRING NIGHTMARE #LL106 #bestwronganswers

Oh COME ON

it's equally disturbing to me that greg olsen had not had a guinness until today and that he didn't like it that much

This only happens to you once

Ladies and gentlemen... the weekend. (also: you are important and are not alone 🧡)

Quote post a time when you had bangs or a bowl cut

It's good to see that Zach Woods has only become more powerful and based with time.

Post a concert photo you took

Post a concert photo you took

CHOTINER: Some people say your unorthodox medical practice can be harmful. ME: You're talking about-- CHOTINER: Pagliacci. ME: I think, sometimes there's a reflex to reach for meds when what we really need is to laugh. CHOTINER: Of course. ME: If I had known, obviously. CHOTINER: Obviously.

Ruin a band with a Supreme Court Justice Santana featuring Clarence Thomas Green Day O’Connor

the lesson of the kimmel thing is that a corporation that previously caved to trump was forced by its audience to defy him. they're afraid of him but they're more afraid of you.

Coworker: Do you fast for Rosh Hashanah? Me: No that’s Yom Kippur. We start fasting at sundown. Coworker: I thought it was at midnight. Me: No, we’re Jews. You’re thinking of Mogwai.

One of my favorite fun facts is why the TMNT are named after artists (it’s because the type of turtle they are is a “painted turtle”). I told my nephew about this and he immediately replied that there should be a Bob Ross turtle. So rather than explain the renaissance movement to him, I-

Subtly downgrade a band Limp EnglishMuffin

Please support my research on the link between listenin' to RFK's bullshit and havin' to take the fuck outta some Tylenol.

begging the kids to be quiet for five minute while dad enjoys this hairy angel’s voice over breakfast

If the last week has taught me anything, it’s this: Live your life such that when you die people spend all day talking about how cool and sexy you were, not such that a bunch of racist weirdos spend your entire funeral cutting wrestling promos while firing off pyrotechnics.

I know it's an impossible dream but on this national day of mourning my fondest wish is that everyone from across the political spectrum will one day unite and come to the common sense conclusion that Charlie Kirk was a reprehensible piece of shit.

11/10, no notes

Remember the Titans (2000)

watching the first movie you think Air Bud is like kind of a genius dog, but then later on they got little puppies flying around in a space shuttle and you go oh wait is he their Radio

This post in a FB group for the music fest in Louisville today; half the comments are “sanctuary city!” and “That’s why I never go into Louisville unless I have to” and other Fox-brained scary-big-city nonsense, the other half are the OP replying “Oh, this was at my hotel in Sellersburg, Indiana.”

The debate around what is or isn’t “cancel culture” really just obscures a simple truth that it’s BAD to be massively racist/sexist/homophobic/transphobic and it’s GOOD to speak out against injustice. Some things are good and some things are bad and it’s okay to say which you think are which.

Jimmy Fallon has made a career out of "Crime, Boy, I Don't Know"-ing moments of actual substance. This is perhaps the MOST "Crime, Boy, I Don't Know" moment of his career.

If there's anything funny about this -- debatable -- it's that Trump has an entire team of Project 2025/Federalist Society ghouls who have painstakingly built a foolproof backroom legal system to legitimize fascism and then Trump just goes THEY CAN'T MAKE FUN OF ME I'LL SUE and gives it all away

it would be a pretty good week for Rolling Stone to have a TV critic

when I have to pretend I’m not sheltering John Oliver in my basement but the authorities can hear him yelling about rat erotica through the floorboards

ernie hudson is 78 and looks fantastic. lets see what rush limbaugh looks like at 70 and oh geez

One of these rich dudes invested in a food company with all proceeds going to kids in need. The other started Sundance Institute, boosting the lives of countless artists. Hey modern rich dudes, don't be a typical greedy AI crypto-prick, be like these two.

update: male loneliness epidemic solved

The best thing they can do is not sell cool ranch seasoning Cause if they do???? Imma sprinkle it on leg meat

Stupid sexy Flanders...

I am not aware of any gun violence that happened when I was a kid. by RFK Jr.

From the way my parents & their friends talked, I used to think that George-Brett-style diarrhea emergencies were just a normal part of adulthood, but now I realize that most of them were just alcoholics

what a humiliating way for don jr. to find out his dad sends birthday cards.

Me: *killing time at the mall* Hey man, anything in here going cheap? Bird store owner: *cocking shotgun* Get out.