Finally, guardrails against killing people in the streets.

If you post like this in 2026 you need a trepanning.

Barely legal mutant ninja turtles

KOKO THE GORILLA: Koko pope. Loyal Koko pontiff RESEARCHER: No, Koko. You can’t have your own pope. KOKO: Good Pope good Koko give beautiful Koko deserve gorilla RESEARCHER: Koko, just because the pope is American doesn't mean he should be an extension of your power. KOKO: dual loyalty pope

First thing I did when I heard the news was come here and see who was dunking on Rod Dreher.

I'm co-organizing a free, 2-day Zoom workshop from the NAS & hope you'll consider attending! 📅 April 23-24: Discuss how we can enhance scientific integrity in the culinary sciences with guest speakers Hannibal Lecter Jeffrey Dahmer and a couple guys from the Alive crash.

Surely this evidence will change everyone's minds.

eric swalwelp

"the problem"

The children in this house are growing larger. They are growing larger every day and frankly I do not care for it. It is unsightly and it's expensive and I don't care for it and we are looking very strongly into making them go back to being small.

they should invent an antibiotic that all the bacteria in your shithole aren't resistant to.

Has Michael Tracey commented on the doomsday clock recently?

I have created the data center "Two vast and trunkless legs" from the famous poem

never tweet

For sale baby

It’s pretty interesting to compare Easter messages from political leaders and then consider which ones the media treats as being out of the mainstream or dangerous

This pic goes so hard

Incredible. I could watch that third catch on repeat forever

If elected president in 2028, I will kill god.

This is the first onion article Ive got my daughter to read

The horse op-ed is an instant classic. I can't tell you how much joy this piece gives me. It should be taught in every introductory writing class in no small part because the horse arguments are so compelling. "I have noticed that human children get to eat cake. But I am bigger than the children."

the chief requirement for being a reporter for the new york times is that you have been hit on the head very hard with a cast iron frying pan

scary monster man

I think my favorite aspect of online shopping is having a giant announcement that you may be eligible for a 10% discount take up your entire four seconds after you navigate to a new page that has the thing you are looking for.

Greg Bovino looked disgusting--nipples protruding--in his blue shirt before CPAC. Very very disrespectful

Democrats turning a big dial taht says "homophobia"

Crimson Desert might be the best game ever made but since it's got the worst people in the world angrily promoting it, I will never find out.

Woman in Cambridge, MD hired some contractors and then called ICE on them just before they finished so she wouldn't have to pay them the $10k she owes them. She even provides ICE a ladder to help them get the contractors.

The Mouth is an all time favorite

Community Action! When this neighborhood was annoyed at their mentally ill neighbor, they banded together to get their landlord to evict him.

I feel like we're being primed to blame spurious factors for the impending wave of hospital closures as Medicaid cuts are implemented & ACA marketplace enrollment declines in the absence of premium-lowering subsidies.

If I were a journalist with 50K followers I wouldn't repeatedly dox my mentally ill neighbor to my followers because he's obnoxious.

I think all of Marcia Angell's criticisms of Big Pharma are probably still valid, but you can't deny some big recent wins: GLP-1s, SGLT-2s, COVID vaccines. But I don't understand how you can look at US healthcare and not identify United as public enemy #1.

White House IT Guy Sends Out Reminder Memo About Child Porn https://theonion.com/white-house-it-guy-sends-out-reminder-memo-about-child-porn/

the gorilla channel is real

Markets Surge After Trump Claims He Had Sex With An Angel https://theonion.com/markets-surge-after-trump-claims-he-had-sex-with-an-angel/

History's most vindicated man

No

it's so funny that an executive brain at amazon saw the runaway success of heated rivalry and was like wow the women really crave sexy hockey

Bragging to the fellas about how I get made fun of on bluesky for being a weird dick. Just another day as America's most normal guy.

Like the rule of law, Robert Mueller has gone.

Just got a kindle for my 9 year old for an upcoming vacation and holy fucking god the Amazon kids UI is fucking terrible.

Uhh I was joking, what's this about