Who has made this 🤣

Watching A Republican Christmas Carol (it’s just the first 5 minutes of A Christmas Carol)

LOL TO REPEAT: They NEVER cared about free speech, they only care about freedom to spew fascist rhetoric, which normalizes violence against anyone who represents the anti status quo. They're not clueless hypocrites, they're self-righteous radicalizers. They're Christian conservative ideologues.

Fascism is here. We are not “getting closer” or “in danger of.” This matters because it frames our discussion: We aren’t trying to prevent it, we’re trying to defeat it. It’s not taking over our institutions, it’s taken them over. Otherwise, we’re always behind, fighting a past we’ve already lost.

This is the one, The New Yorker!

is this cuz no one went to his parade

I hate being nostalgic for years that, at the time, I thought were bad.

That interview with Cruz only makes Tucker Carlson more loathsome. He has the ability to do the job of a journalist and hold the powerful to account but he’ll only do it when he has a personal grudge or when he knows it will cost him nothing. He’s worse than a hack, he’s an amoral propagandist.

Happy #pridemonth - #connieandcarla

ME: i’m terrified of ninja bees FRIEND: what’s a ninja bee ME: bees that are silent FRIEND: that’s dumb ME: *screams*

Logging onto the internet: Look a cute cat Look a war crime Look a real news article the onion couldnt dream up Look someone you like/relate too is happy/sad Look a science headline.... Look it's fake Look something so bad you wish you'ld never seen it but also lmao

The Eurovision Song Contest is the strongest argument anyone has made against Western Democracy.

Professor Xavier: What is your mutant power? Me: Hindsight Professor: That's not going to help us. Me: Yeah, I can see that now!

This is the hardest I’ve ever been owned online

Someone should make a joke about communion and deep dish pizza.

I can't believe we have a Pope from Illinois. People from Chicago usually hate the Cardinals.

I’m seeing a lot of outrage about this story but honestly it’s preferable to the old way of doing this which was both disrespectful of the deceased and traumatising for the puppeteer

Forgive the earnest post here, but one year ago this week, Global Tetrahedron took over The Onion. We've since brought back the paper and ONN, dramatically increased revenue, and hired more writers and artists. But most importantly, as other places debased themselves, we refused to bend the knee.

the golden girls in famous works of art: thread

This is ~$12.60 - how’s America doing?

I used to select Dem primary candidates based on policy. Now I will aggressively try to destroy any Dem who says "we need to look forward not backward" and fervently support anyone who says "I will see these motherfuckers prosecuted and jailed if it's the last thing I do."

Kurt Vonnegut man

"I didn't vote for" you did. Sorry. You did. Should have listened to the woke libtards instead of your roided out imaginary friends who told you kids were pooping in kitty litter at school

The gays should make a White Lotus type show about all the different Eagles.

Spent the entire White Lotus finale screaming “Don’t do it!! Don’t do it!!!” over and over at nearly everyone.

Have you seen this? 👇 Thanks, Seth! ✨

"stock market taking another pounding" CHUCK TINGLE WHERE ARE YOU

#TheWhiteLotus set on a cruise ship. Thoughts?

Is there anything more useless than Privacy policies, Terms & Conditions, Acceptable Use Policies, etc?

If you accept that non-citizens have no right to due process, you are accepting that citizens have no right to due process. All the government has to do is claim that you are not a citizen; without due process you have no chance to prove the contrary.

Modern cars have a host of sensors that help human drivers be safer, like collision avoidance, adaptive cruise, lane assist, blind spot warnings, etc. it’s mind boggling to not use these in a computer-driven car.

every college, corporate, and nonprofit president right now

Taps the sign theonion.com/holocaust-su...

Ok but in fairness these things got in the way of America being the richest country in the world. /s

Don’t worry there was nothing nefarious going on, we have a very good explanation. Our concentration camps are just overcrowded and infested with disease.

Bird flu?? Yeah that’s like their whole thing

oh grampa no lets get you out of there and cleaned up

I gave Anora a chance. It had its moments but was ultimately pointless.

Gene Hackman was awesome. But this “omg can this year get any worse” sentiment over the death of a 95yo actor none of you have thought about in years is a bit weird.

if you're reading this 50 years from now I need you to know that this series of world events isn't as dumb as it probably seems, it's actually much, much dumber than you can possibly imagine

coming this holiday season

Maybe I wasn’t clear about this. I wanted more egg and no plane crash, not many plane crash and no egg.

love when a movie says “inspired by true events”. so like, this happened? no? but it could have? but it didn’t? thanks for the update.

the stonewall movement happened because trans women Marsha P Johnson & Sylvia Rivera threw the first stones like the brave bitches they were. queer history & politics don’t exist without our trans comrades.

"I promise, America will soon be the Cybertruck of countries—uglier than you could have imagined, built for rich chuds, borderline inoperable, and on fire."

Where the hell is Lin-Manuel Miranda? Why isn’t he, in full costume, outside the Treasury Department, right now, RAPPING?!