What's the difference between Iron man and Aluminium man? Iron man will stop the bad guy! Aluminium man will just foil their plans!

Making friends all over the world! "...the Republican administration is looking to begin a conversation with residents of the semi-autonomous Danish territory about the best way forward for the strategically important island." Best way forward for whom??? apnews.com/article/trum...

This morning I coughed up a pawn, a bishop and a rook. Looks like I have another chess infection. I'm still expecting a rough knight.

“VeggieTales” is doing their movie version of Dirty Dancing. Nobody puts baby carrots in a corner!!!

I lost three fingers on my right hand, so I asked my doctor if I would still be able to write with it. He replied "probably, but I'm not sure you should count on it."

My dad asked me to name a country with no "r" in it. I was like: Noway!

Do you know why mice have such small balls??? Because very few of them actually know how to dance!!! :)

My girlfriend crashed the car again today. She told the police that the man she collided with was on his phone and drinking a can of beer. Police told her: "Ms, he can do what he likes in his own living room!"

He wasn't calling for an insurrection, he was calling for "reforms!" Omg how stupid do they think you all are??? www.cnn.com/2025/12/19/p...

What did Kenny Rogers say when he was driving down the road and a wheel fell off his truck??? You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel!

Pam Bondi just released a new batch of Epstein files.

Cartoon by Rob Rogers | Andrews McMeel

Breaking: White smoke has been spotted coming from The Conclave chimney. Cardinals have reported that this smoke DOESN'T have anything to do with replacing the current pontiff. It is due to 1 of the Cardinals burning the pope-corn.

What a clown. www.reuters.com/world/us/ken...

Here's another picture of Stella sitting on her favorite human's lap, when my son came over for a visit yesterday. I can't even say his name out loud or she'll start barking and run to the window. Happy Sunday everybody! Just 3 more days before I start my Christmas shopping!!! :)

I just bought some ginger biscuits. She didn't seem very grateful, either!

What do you call a gingerbread man with a broken leg??? Limp Bizkit!

Do you know Santa's helpers favorite photos to take with their phones??? Elfies!

What did the intergalactic cookie say to the other intergalactic cookie??? Beam me up Biscotti!

An old man was lying on his death bed when he smelled his favorite cookies. He crawled out of bed and into the kitchen and with the last of his strength, reached up to grab a warm cookie. When his wife slaps his hand with her spatula and tells him "No! Those are for the funeral!!!"

I really LOVE funny stories from the past. They make me laugh historically!!!

I took my wife out for a hot date! Unfortunately, the restaurant we went to didn't serve fruit! :)

Do you know how crabs get to school??? They use the side walk!

Ladies, if your man asks for matador equipment this Christmas, that's a HUGE red flag!!!

This is how Stella looks at my son when he comes over. He's her favorite human!

Not a populist, not a conservative, not even a man. He used to get together with his pal to fuck little girls.

Never trust ANYTHING you learn at a library. After all, it's not called a truthbrary!

The inventor of origami has died. RIP!

Christmas season isn’t the time to dwell on the past OR to plan for the future. It’s all about the present! Amirite??? :)

I heard P Diddy was having a tough time in prison so he joined the Italian Mafia for protection. He is now known as P Sghetti!

For my final philosophy paper, I was assigned to write a 3000 word essay. So I just put 3 pictures there!

Today I learned that Stephen King has a son named Joe. I’m not Joe King, but he is.

What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Do you smell carrots???

I got my wife a reversible coat for Christmas. Just can't wait to see how it turns out!

I asked my wife: "If sneezing a lot means you're sneezy, and sleeping a lot means you're sleepy..." "...what's the word for someone that is coughing a lot?" Wife: "Coughy?" Me: Yeah, why not. Cream and sugar, please!!!

The machines are: "intended to deter and prevent illegal overnight parking in the area, with no connection to immigration enforcement." Bullshit. Then why are they running during the day, Einstein??? www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025...

Good morning! My last day of work, thank God! It's been a very rough year for most of clients. A handful of them gave me gifts yesterday. Hard to accept something when they're going to have to eat less, to cover the $. But along with their kind words, it was a heartwarming day! Cheers!

Do you know why elephants never use computers??? Because they're afraid of the mouse!

What did the Sushi say to the bee??? Wasabi!

Do you know why Rudolph's parents were so upset with his latest report card? Because he went down in history!

Dad: Did you know your mother grew up in a coven? Daughter: No way! Which one? Dad: Exactly!

Further proof you can't buy class, no matter how much you pay. www.bbc.com/news/article...

Every time one of these events happens to a fellow Canadian, they make big news in Canada and it only increases the number of those participating in the boycott. www.thetravel.com/us-customs-a...

Do you know what's faster than an escalator??? An escasooner!

Santa has been reading your posts all year!!! And it looks like many of you are getting dictionaries!!!

Most people don't realize that the actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun: ...is the same actor who played Wilson in the 2000 movie "Castaway!!!" :)

Everyone knows about Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. But few know about Harold the Brown Nose Reindeer! He was just as strong as the rest, and could fly as high, he just couldn't stop as fast!

Why is hiking in the woods a great way to meet new people? Because I met two paramedics, a nurse, a heart surgeon, and nearly met Jesus!

I don’t know who made this, but it’s spot on!!

Good morning everybody! Wow that was some hot Adderall mess last night. Not sure I've ever been so fearful of what happens next, and I'm only a neighbor. So on THAT happy note, have yourselves a fantastic day!!! :)