Sorry I’m late 🟢 I had diarrhea 🟡 Which I’m sure you can relate to 🔴

Wives do be shittin’. Abolish ICE.

I fear we're at the "We can't give up power, there would be consequences for what we've done" stage.

there's a non-zero chance someone is feeding him AI slop because it was clear from the videos that none of that even remotely happened

I fear we're at the "We can't give up power, there would be consequences for what we've done" stage.

They'll ask Trump about the ICE shooting, and he'll say that it should happen more often than it does, and there will be no blowback to that.

You simply do not come back from being the type of pariah that goes with attacking an ally.

Every congressperson should be asked whether they're excited about the prospect of attacks on American soil.

I'D LIKE TO REPORT A MURDER

A touching tribute to Mike F

This is the slowest anyone has ever died

Look at this mf playing a chord and pleasing the lord 😂 Get a life, Bitch!! 🤣

I think the only way the Venezuela war actually works as a distraction is if Dems talk about how badly Maduro needed to be removed.

POWDER

if they did January 6 today, it'd be called "January 6-7." Thank you for reading. RIP Ashley Babbert

WHERE'S YOUR HEAD AT

Several scenes in the movie Spy Game flash back to the 1980s. Brad Pitt’s character is wearing a San Diego Padres hat that didn’t exist until the 90s.

you guys ever see Looper

I bet people that don’t speak a word of English can recognize that Donald Trump sounds like a simpleton.

I swear my friend came up with this idea when we were in college, but you give the vial of cum to your nemesis.

This war is for the benefit of the Venezuelan people. People we hate so much we try to ship them to concentration camps.

sex with me is like bowling. there’s a lot of drinking and cursing. sticking your fingers in weird holes. you have to rent shoes

this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to jump out of a helicopter to kidnap a head of state and his wife so some oil ceos can make a lot of money. we’ll be watching from a resort in florida that still serves wedge salad and checking how many retweets we get. good luck soldier

Someone at the party asked me to draw Timothée Chalamet

It's 2026 and Schumer is publicly admitting he continues to take Trump at his word

Not important right now and not going to repost the photo, but I’m pretty sure that’s the same thing Trump wore in the photos of when he was hospitalized with COVID. It’s his little “too sick to actually govern” outfit.

Big day for center-justified paragraphs

If Congress authorized these attacks, they’d still be immoral and unjust.

Cancel the LA Olympics, scrap the World Cup, the United States cannot be a trusted part of the international community so long as the White House operates this violently and with impunity.

It makes a different sound when I scan my boarding pass to let the folks in charge know I’m a li’l stinker

Here at CBS we wear jeans on Friday

The soup of the day is brine

sorry for responding immediately, I haven't put my phone down in about six years

Spraaaay me now It's hard and its a dingleberry I don’t want it to stay 🎙️ 🎶

At my happiest dunking on my 5 year old nephew in pool basketball

Mother in law explaining the entire plot of a movie “I should see”

This is correct, and to piggyback on it, I think it’s impossible to have a national identity around personal responsibility. We are responsible for each other, and that is the barrier for entry for being an American.

I’m rooting for Old Miss

Nailed it.

At the end of Stranger Things, they look at each other and say, “And to think this all happened in Indiana in the 1980s.”

At the end of Stranger Things, they look at each other and say, “And to think this all happened in Indiana in the 1980s.”

I’m visiting the Pacific time zone and it SUCKS

Still writing 2025 on your mom

I got new shades