You can just tell someone that something glows in the dark. What are they going to do, test it out? Get that free glow in the dark clout.

For me, this is the single funniest moment in Detroiters. vimeo.com/592468865?sh...

You can just tell someone that something glows in the dark. What are they going to do, test it out? Get that free glow in the dark clout.

Lunging for a firefighter’s hose like it’s a cop’s gun

What’s the lowest to the ground you’ve ever flown? Mine is probably touching the ground.

Serious Injury husband, Wrongful Death wife

You’re a regular Spider Zombie

the dems are the washington generals. they let em win one occasionally, but they’re only there to be stooges.

I can’t remember who told me not to use the syrup at IHOP. Anyway, you were right.

Why I’m Leaving the Democratic Party to Coach the Washington Generals

Early iterations of the game that came to be known as American football were designed to be played in empty Roman aqueducts, featured a handful of jacks instead of a ball, & incorporated long recitations of epic poetry as a crucial element of play, imo

I fucken knew it

just found out there's a Butthole Cut of Downton Abbey: The Grand Finale where they all have realistic CGI buttholes

I don’t like what Charlie Kirp did to Jimmie Kimble. But I respect it. As a patriot

“And by the truth, I think we both know the truth about Black pilots”

I just invented global warming for dogs. I’m tentatively calling it “dog global warming”

Toby Huss is a gift

An unfunny observation: offenses are different and, I think, worse when the State does them. The government threatening speech is worse than when people boycott an entertainer.

Dems should introduce the Presidential Verisimilitude Act, in which any and all depictions of Donald Trump have to strictly depict his disgusting, unflattering countenance, free of fantasy or veneer.

They should invent a system in which citizens had any recourse beyond "spend your money somewhere else."

Elton John voice: It seems to me / that you lived your life/ like a fuckin piece of shit

What stage of grief is bloodlust?

Dems should introduce the Presidential Verisimilitude Act, in which any and all depictions of Donald Trump have to strictly depict his disgusting, unflattering countenance, free of fantasy or veneer.

Uhhhhhh, has Trump seen EDDINGTON?!

Philadelphia mentioned

When Bari Weiss finds out about this, she is going to blame wokeness on campus so fucking hard

What's the single coolest thing to do in Topeka, Kansas? Besides "Go to Lawrence"?

Instead of "Defund the Police," they should have said, "Let's work together to form community oversight committees that make suggestions for means-tested improvements for ALL municipal organizations."

Never seen it but love it

He loved that boy like a ballroom

"You know, I'm something of a hack, myself."

Fiverr switching to AI is the most predictable thing ever.

There’s a new entry

“Look at this gorgeous picture of delicious, smooshed bugs on a windshield with a sunset ruining it all in the background” ~ Stephen Miller

We live in a world in which people objectively have fewer rights than they did before Charlie Kirk started his career.

There's a child walking down the sidewalk bellowing, "DEEZ NUTS." I wonder if he's on Bluesky.

Spotted today in South Philly. Let’s be friends.

They won’t even let me fuck it

Spotted today in South Philly. Let’s be friends.

Major plot hole: Michael Myers never once stops to take a dump

Terrible people, eh? They should die.

I mean, look at him

A mass shooter's ideology is irrelevant. As long as one side wants gun control and the other doesn't, all mass shootings are right-wing.

We have found the Cracker Barrel of the left:

Flossers of Philadelphia Vol 2: Condition: Poor. Missing the pointy end, string has been completely broken. All that remains is the head. Mintiness: Nonexistent. Verdict: That's a "no" from me, dawg. This is well past the point anyone would use it again.

Me: I dreamt it was the day of the test and I hadn’t been to class all semester ChatGPT: Have you considered self-harming? Your parents will never know.

if they make being gay or trans illegal I will hide you in my house

I’m saving my suspension-worthy stuff for the big one

Ideally, there will be a movement to name something (a building or street or park bench) after Charlie Kirk, and Trump will spike it and name it after himself.