I bet if you added up all the time I’ve farted in life, it would be weeks of farting

WAIT I COME WITH GOOD NEWS

the last two white rhinos in existence. both female. no males. the end of their species' line. all thanks to poachers.

i pray for the destruction of the US and the destruction of Israel

it’s called a telephone because you tell a phone things

STOP STOP STOP

four vehicles I would love to own 1. 90s Dodge Viper. I know they’re shit cars but young me was obsessed 2. an original Hummer with slant back. again, young me obsessed 3. 1970s Ford Bronco 4. Dodge Tomahawk. it was a prototype motorcycle with an entire dodge viper engine on it.

so he took a 14yo girl's face and put her in a sex scene with his white savior mc??????

Beer is such a beautiful name for a baby boy

Saliva is a beautiful name for a baby girl

it’s so easy to identify the other millennials at work because we end all of our feedback with “lol” so the other person knows we aren’t mad at them

boobs are pretty great. kudos to nature for evolving such a 10/10 body part

damn you can really see the similarities in the mouth and bottom of the nose especially

I don’t want a sugar daddy. I want a Taco Bell daddy

if I never heard van morrison again, it would be too soon

the Road Runner can’t keep getting away with this!

I hate how the older you get the more you’re unsure if your memories are real or just of dreams you had

too pizza 😩

me at age 4, about girls:

be the AI bubble crash you want to see in the world

why did they call it a ruptured cyst and not a growth spurt

more and more studies show that AI usage reduces cognitive ability.

MAMMAL BULLYING A REPTILE: Nice body temperature dude. Did the sun pick it out for you

an AI generated prank call show called Clank Yankers

can anyone legally stop you from having hot dogs for lunch three days in a row?

uh oh! you said something mean about the bluesky moderators. take 4d6 strikes *rolls* now roll 2d6 for your strike allowance *rolls* oh no! too many strikes! roll 1d4 to see if you got a 3-, 7-, 14-day or perma-ban *rolls* you've been perma banned for posting "aaron rodericks drinks piss"

Spider 2028

bluesky? it's kinda like twitter only with fewer nazis and all your friends are suspended.

world’s most pathetic man demonstrates that the race to most pathetic is not over

my boss said “divide and conquer” and “final solution” in a meeting. it’s fucking wild how much nazi language has made its way into common speech

Steve Jobs used a natural cure for his cancer. Let’s ask Steve how that worked for him. Hey Steve, how’s it going?

oh no thank you very much but i wont be needing cutlery it would just slow me down

having those farts that sound like wet cellophane being rubbed against the head of a bald man who is playing harmonica to soothe his crying baby

may the sixth be with you

being hungry and having to poop is a weird sensation like calm down, body. I know you want to do stuff

i don't think you should be allowed to remove or cover up a nazi tattoo. you should have to own that and explain it for the rest of your life

so he’s against puberty blockers which DON’T harm kids but is okay with kids entering the skin cancer tubes?

working on my gleek reflex to ward off predators

AI psychosis comes for all

I just realized that three guys I had crushes on in the past looked like young Brendan Fraser. I guess I have a type

trying to move to blacksky and it says `Gmail plus-addressing (e.g. [email protected]) is not allowed. Please use your base Gmail address.` why isn't that allowed? that's a common pattern I use for signing up to websites

a vanilla soy latte is a variety of three bean soup

Bluesky mods got us like

anyone got a blocklist for will stancil followers?

16+ strikes and you're banned the mods don't like anyone 16+ 🤔

oh so its 16 strikes for permanent, and all you have to do is mention something that factually happened with a member of the staff team to get taken out now. noted.

to save a fraction of a percent of cost, they're making the dining experience significantly worse. when they lose money from this, they'll probably make another stupid decision to make up for it, and the cycle continues

if I say “I hope will stancil gets what he deserves” and get banned for promoting violence, does that mean the mods think will stancil deserves violence?

don mcclean ‘starry night’ voice: “scooby dooby doo”