Coming up on 24 hours with no internet.

I would like to formally apologize to my high school drama teacher who had to endure my audition using Christopher Guest’s “names of nuts” monologue from Best in Show.

My internet has been down all day so who looks stupid with their blu ray collection now? Without these discs I would have had to do something productive today. HA!

Oldest selfie on your phone. This was the day after I moved to LA in 2013.

Imagining Nathan Fielder in a Pluribus situation.

Why am I paying America Online $2.50 an hour for these pitiful speeds?

Fílm

Rhea Seehorn is on my television.

Life in 2025

Why is no one ever surprised when I mention I was a leash child?

Gamifying the salad bar by putting prizes in some of the ingredient bins.

A producer I freelance for on the side just posted about his excitement to create AI movies.

The horrors have been placed on a temporary hiatus yet I remain silly.

Congrats to this man whose Deluxe Collector’s Edition of Shin Godzilla arrived today.

Engineers at meta trying to keep the internet afloat while Debra keeps posting:

No burger people died on my watch today.

Middle aged man bangs.

Yeah, you could say I’m a pretty hardcore gamer.

I would never be cast on Survivor because I talk about Godzilla too much and the Paramount Skydance Corporation doesn’t have the rights to him.

Let’s GOO!!!!

Y’all are giving him Vietnam flashbacks.

Guiding @muffinchips.bsky.social on a trip to the Pacific Northwest.

Still not enough to burn off all the Totinos I ate last night.

Fred Krueger could never get me. I haven’t had a dream since 2011.

Ahh! Spooky!

Turn that shit UP

I hate straight Halloween. What do you mean you’re Kike Hernandez? You’re just wearing a generic Dodgers shirt.

Living the dream!

It’s October 29th, which means you only have TWO DAYS left to watch 1988’s Belgian masterpiece RABID GRANNIES before Halloween.

Pour one out for the subpar lazy joke skeet I had to delete because resist libs found it and went, “Yeah!! Repost!! Weird comment!!”

ChatGPT? No, I don’t need a computer to lie to me and give me psychosis. I’ve been doing that just fine by myself all these years.

Brb. Regressing into the culture of my youth.

They should do a season of Survivor with 18 castaways named Linda.

Tomorrow at work I will be talking about A House of Dynamite the same way Tracy Letts talks about “the ball game” in A House of Dynamite.

I have been graced by a new litter of babies.

Hello ego, my old friend.

It’s wild when someone doesn’t like to watch movies from the ‘30s and ‘40s right now, because GUESS WHAT they’re all about fascism and VERY RELATABLE

Boyfriend is asleep, so you know what that means. 😏😏 Ohhhhh yeaaaaaaah, Blu Rays with the audio commentaries on.

“You’re the meme!!” - three different people at this party I have since dropkicked

Me everyday looking at posts on Bluesky:

My Halloween costume is coming along nicely. If I can find the final pieces I need tomorrow then it could potentially heal all of this nation’s problems.

I got down on one knee and asked the boyfriend if he wants to take the next step in our relationship but he said no he doesn’t want to do a two-man horse costume with me.

Laundry commercials make me sad. Each actor was once an improv kid with a dream.

No AI was used in The Brutalist for Alessandro Nivola’s knockers.

Ok let me get one thing clear up front: I do not actually intend on doing this. I plan on being one of those people who trains too hard and is bestowed the sweet painless release of an aneurism.

Don’t make me announce what I’m getting during tomorrow’s Criterion Collection 50%-off flash sale.

Forgot my headphones at home so I was forced to run my 6 miles on the treadmill with nothing but my thoughts, terrible gym music, and an inaudible basic cable cut of Predator 2 on the tv.

That dude looking at his own body: