we've all got that one homie who is a piteous wretch scorned by man and beast alike

This is structurally identical to a Da Share Z0ne post

Boastful Quaker Oats ad, Chicago 1891

What's holding you back in life? 1. lack of ambition 2. lack of wings 3. lack of dark magic 4. unchecked capitalism

How would I like to receive my one-time code? Man I'd like to be in a fucking glade on a temperate spring day

Venus

It is International Bat Appreciation Day. Please take some time to appreciate a bat

havoc is pretty much the only thing you can wreak

Ape Lord scratches his head and beckons you forward. > [Ape Customs] Make your obeisance to Ape Lord, appropriate to his rank > [Fruit (2)] Offer Ape Lord a Fruit > Taunt Ape Lord

There’s hogsheads of sperm ahead

google related searches go hard sometimes

knee shorts are cowards’ garments for men who can’t squat. they’re called boyshorts for a reason. skies out thighs out. like the greatest poet of our age, @raxkingisdead.bsky.social, opined: we’re tryna see some BALLS

The theme for #BirdOfTheDay is #headshots. Gotta love the red eyes on a Western Grebe.

We can’t all be beautiful, some of us have to be content with being too large to be carried off by a giant bird

priest: and so wise king solomon said “i will cut the baby in half” me: ohhh. i get it. baby was a worm priest: no it was a test me: risky test. what if he’s not a worm

Nancy By Ernie Bushmiller April 15, 1954

A shocking new poll result: Many Americans somehow don't have a favorite dinosaur. And only 6% give the correct answer (triceratops). Check out YouGov's new polling on Americans and dinosaurs: yougovamerica.substack.com/p/whats-your...

saw a hot guy birding at the park, pointed out the really cool bird i saw, then tripped on my shoelaces as i was walking away. #stayhumble

not many people know this, but Barilla has a line of 3D printed pasta it sells mostly to the fine dining industry. I don't want the pasta. I want the pasta printer

I’m once again thinking about how Barbra Streisand saw fit to install an entire DICKENSIAN STREET, including several fully-staffed ‘shops’, in the basement of her house, to show off her favourite antiques.

close friends, france, 15th century

ChatGPT: you’re right you’re so much smarter than him. He’s so schlubby and you’re so suave. Columbo will never catch you.

it just lifts my heart to feel heard. thanks, ICE lawyer. 💜

I wish I was blessed with unbridled joy and exuberance like the guy who shouted “it’s a bird!” out of nowhere when it was actually Superman

simile_enjoyer42: i love my pedantic gf like a bee loves honey pedanticgurl_4_life: bees dont necessarily love honey they just make it

I continue to maintain that “JD Vance, antipope” is the funniest possible ending to all of this

sorry to this guy but this is unfortunately extremely funny to me

I was a child

sup babes

floating in the air is now affordable to me, thanks to Beetle Credit

Anyway, we need to go back to bands getting popular the old fashioned way, by taking hostage a radio station with realistic looking squirt guns and winning the heart of a recalcitrant disc jockey who is mad at management and then releasing a number one hit record while in prison for your crime.

Vessel with rodents! Vessel with rodents! Vessel with rodents!

blasting frog noises through a powerful sound system

another blissful year with my common law husband, an enchanted clockwork grasshopper named Merlin

he likes swimmers that win

“Happy as a clam” makes some incredible assumptions re: clam psychology

Fighting with the pope, thinking of himself as god, humiliated in a naval war of choice he assumed he would win easily over an "inferior" people, surrounded by kook healers and medical advisors, obsessed with familial legacy in the shadow of an actually successful father, this man is Nicholas II

The Pope Sucked Me Off???

"E pur si muove", folks, you're hearing it more and more. Galileo, a great man. The church didn't like him, I do. It really does move no matter what they say

YOU can't pour from an empty cup. I'm different

Was so sorry to leave my soup behind.

Damn, a bad day to be a sad weirdo

some days i dress nice but other days fuck it! i just slip on my

smoking Mind Weed and engaging in 4D noospheric ideaspace mining *camera zooms into my head in a flash to fly through an early-cyberspace-style representation of all information; my unshackled consciousness soars through zillions of copies of the words "boobs", "ass", "tits", "butts", etc*

[INT. MIND PALACE] the word TURDS appears in front of me. i swat it away. it is quickly replaced by TURDS in a different font.