As a staunch supporter of trans and non-binary rights, I think it's ok for me to point out that the non-binary winner of the Chicago Marathon sounds like they're a section at Autozone

I saw One Battle last night and oh god are all movies this loud now? It was so loud

Nice try, “Paul A. Thompson”

If I decide to run for president my campaign will have two major tent poles: #1 - Anyone who accumulates $1 billion in net worth, even for 1 minute, must jump or be thrown off the cliff from Midsommar. These are Price is Right rules. If you have $900 mil and you invest too aggressively, and

wife was walking through the living room with a broomstick and I asked "oh, you going somewhere?" Still got it, baby!!!

Anyone feeling romantic about long inning games should save this image to sober themselves up

Insane to imagine the Mariners could win the Vedder Cup and the World Series in the same year

The randomness of the calls from the MLB replay office makes me doubt it's corruption, but it almost seems impossible that they're this inept

We're twistin knobs tonight

Americans love to mock the French as pussies but I can guarantee you if masked federal agents were disappearing journalists they would have 18-wheelers blocking every highway and protests throughout Paris

Protip: most of the time when you buy used stuff from Amazon it's brand new, sealed in original package and it saves like 30%. I've even bought stuff in "used-very good" condition and it says there could be slight damage or wear and the only thing that's damaged is the box it's in.

“Everyone who is rich enough or close enough to reactionary politics is effectively in a cult with beliefs loonier than the median Heaven’s Gate member” is a relatively straightforward description of the current moment. I don’t know how we live like this

Sorry but I fell for the Tommy Cutlets hype train and I need to see a few more games from Jaxson before I'm ready to be hurt again

New meme format

Where consumers believe Lays potatoes are grown 53% - In the ocean 22% - Moon/outer space 16% - 3d printed 8% - Don't know/Not sure <1% - Farm/field

The admiration, the bat flip, the zoom to Fried 🫡

ok it’s time

Please, take it from a Californian born and bred: you cannot trust Gavin Newsom. I don’t care if he has Good Posters working for him; he’ll sell vulnerable people down the river without blinking an eye.

The dude is right there under the sign.

We all made fun of Jack Dorsey for disappearing for a month at a time to do Ayahuasca in a yurt but he faced 1000x bigger and shittier user base and never got to this level of aggrieved so maybe we do gotta hand it to him

I had to look it up. For anyone else unfamiliar with the Twain quote…

Sometimes my dog looks like Kash Patel.

This is why we fund scientists to study things like oyster slobber even if you don’t think it sounds important

Been thinking about it and I honestly think we're gonna need walled off networks on which AI is completely banned or we're gonna have trouble maintaining any kind of real historical record or even current reporting of what's happening in the world. The proliferation of this stuff is gonna explode

The existence of this guy is the only thing that makes me question whether my entire reality is just a simulation designed by some malevolent puppet master who introduced him as a way to see if he could make me truly insane

academy award contending tiktok

Meanwhile at the Riyadh comedy festival

Same as it ever was.

I don't care what the stats say, you can't look at the number of collapses Juan Soto has been a part of and think he's got nothing to do with it.

The fact that Kaleb Horton died begging for work instead having a column at some hip legacy mag is such an indictment of this industry. People should have been begging to put him on payroll. But nope, we've reserved that space for Ezra Klein

gonna start a subreddit for vintage power strips

If you have to ask whether medbed is real or not, you can't afford it 💅

What level of Online Boomer Brain Damage is posting an obvious AI slop video in which YOU YOURSELF APPEAR?

The dems would get 1000x better returns investing in stuff like elephant graveyard but they continue to put money behind people like Olivia Juliana because they're addicted to everyone hating them

Nobody cares about the victims in the Dallas ICE shooting apparently. The first I've heard about one of them was on CNN today. He's fighting for his life in the hospital --- he was brought to the US when he was 13. He's 33 now. No criminal record. I just don't know what to say anymore.

The US government begging generals to put flights on their own credit cards so they can go back to their commands as Russia takes over eastern Europe is gonna merit its own chapter in the post-empire dissection books.

And another thing, what's up with packing cubes? We already have packing cubes, they're called suitcases. Now I gotta buy smaller suitcases to put inside my suitcase? Who's the genius that came up with that one?

/to the tune of "Buffalo Soldier" Michelob Ultra

this is a great feature for people like me who spend almost 9 minutes a day not looking at screens and want to fill that gap

No words. I believed in Ryan. We moved to Oklahoma because he promised that my awful sons Enigmus Rex and Pance would be given handguns in kindergarten and then not be given any instruction on how to use them safely. I bought a shitty gray house in Tulsa because he promised they wouldn't be woke.

I have a great idea. What if you could expose your immune system to a harmless version of the disease to “train” it so if you encounter the real thing, your body already has some tools to fight it? Well do I have some news for you,

The richest man on earth owns X. The second richest man on earth is about to be a major owner of TikTok. The third richest man owns Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp. The fourth richest man owns The Washington Post. See the problem here?

Tanner Scott lmao

I fuckin knew it

I can't wait until these guys are forced to have a $100B equivalent of this conversation.

The "Tacos Chotiner" tweet remains undefeated

"How was your day at school?"... -Issac Chotiner's kid starts sweating profusely at the dinner table