I think you need to counter Wemby with a really, really short guy

I lived around the corner from that mosque many years ago. They seemed like good neighbors. I hate to say this, but I always had a feeling something could happen there. It's on a highly visible corner lot right near the highway and this is America, so I feared someone might do something stupid.

It’s true. He strained too hard, and his final grunted words were garbled but sources say they were “oh no. I can’t stop farting.”

Awful news out of Washington DC as President Trump has passed away from a massive fart attack.

The fuck are you talking about.

An inside source tells me Donald Trump has been diagnosed with terminal hand rot and has been given 4-6 days to live

And as you embark into the next chapters of your lives, saddled with debt, powerless to change a system that is ruled by unfathomably cruel and profoundly stupid people, remember that AI is vacuuming up the remaining crumbs that were once a pathway to a decent... [looking up, bewildered by the boos]

Guy with visible stink lines: the birth rate,

The more I read about her, the more I'm convinced that Rachel Entrekin is the toughest athlete alive. She won the Cocodona 250 -- a 250 mile race with more elevation than climbing Mount Everest from sea level -- averaging 4.5 miles per hour for 56 HOURS, smashing the previous record by 2.5 hours

so this insurance is essentially you make a run for it, on your own, and if you get blown up and sunk in the process, we'll pay for the ship? Why is no one jumping on that offer??

Getting closer

Staff Meteorologist II: Claudio Vernight

White Mike Vick arrives in Canton for his induction ceremony

Does anyone know what the possible consequences could be if every non-violent tool of democratic participation is taken from the hands of the citizen? Just kinda wondering what the effects could be.

Damn I Wish I Was Your Broker

Tomorrow's my last long run and I'll have done about 300 miles of training by race day on May 31, my first race ever, on the day after my 47th birthday

cause its free diapers check it and see they cost no money and they hold poo and pee

President Xi you could make the deal of a lifetime with the American people, here

This is one of the most deranged comebacks I've ever seen. Just take the L!

i know that posting is the actual praxis but in lieu of that my friends and i raised 73,000 bucks for the PCRF last year, which i'm very proud of. you can donate here if interested: www.pcrf.net also turn your replies on @emericanjezebel.bsky.social

This is the lore about the WaPo video guys that we need

Putting on my clothes from the Matt Forney Collection at Kohl's and heading to the streets to do my report on hamburgers

I'm almost positive we can embarrass the Make It Make Sense dorks off of this site and possibly off the internet. The blood is in the water and I just don't think these nerds have the stones to weather the storm

Watching the game

It's so cool to watch Matt Waldron, the only knuckleballer in MLB. I mean, sure, he doesn't trust his knuckleball so instead he just throws 90 mph meatballs directly over the heart of the plate rendering his knuckleball entirely useless because everyone just sits on the fastball, but still so cool 😎

are you traveling during break? *pointing to the couch* nope i'm on asscation

Look I get that they're probably on a tight budget here, but you gotta buy the o

Perfect usage of the Elon sticker

Perhaps it's being alive for the past 40+ years speaking, but I can't shake the duality of like... there is no path forward without a reckoning, without the dispensing of justice, and other than California and Virginia rejiggering some maps, I just do not see anywhere near the kind of fight required

While kneading lotion into his erect, throbbing penis, the masturbator reportedly also kept close watch on the performance of Suns small forward Dillon Brooks, at one point muttering, “You gotta make that,” when Brooks missed an uncontested pull-up jumper

You can be against fascism and not reflexively oppose every single Trump policy. When they do something you agree with, like raise awareness for the potency of teenagers' cum, it's ok to support it

Two hams are better than one

Jimburger Halperts

Don't even pretend to care about courting the racist women who look like Easter Island statues vote and reject MTG as an ally.

They put one of yours in the hospital, you put out a statement about how disappointed you are. That’s the centrist way.

It's possible the Dems lose the midterms but they will catch up on the gerrymandering by 2028, and there's no way all the rules will change before then and they lose again. Can't imagine that scenario happening.

The president is firing the FDA director because he wasn't as enthusiastic about Blue Razz Lemonade vapes as the Administration had hoped.

We've reached the point where one party has so obliterated the rule of law that everyone else continuing to abide by it will only hasten the end of our democracy. That's a recipe for chaos and violence. It's terrifying, and I don't know what we do about it.

/ tune of Blue Suede Shoes Don't you go on a Hantavirus cruise You can do anything but don't go on a Hantavirus cruise

Sure, it's tempting to blame the guy who fired the CDC's Cruise Ship Hantavirus Prevention Director, but I don't think we'll ever really know why this happened.

People who stand there scrolling their phone instead of bagging their own goddamn groceries at Trader Joe's should be sent to Salvadorian prison

In December, SCOTUS stayed a district court ruling blocking TX from using its new maps because the lower court ruled "on the eve of an election." That district court ruling was issued 15 weeks before the TX primaries. Callais was issued *17 days* before the LA primaries.

The atmosphere is so thin scientists have named the object Applebee's Happy Hour

The most coveted free agent in American politics is "The Genocide Ogre."

this is nearly identical to my recipe for masturbating chicken

*to the tune of i want it that way* there’s randy myers todd stottlemyre shawn green, lyle overbay those guys were blue jays

Goodbye, get lost, and we'll see you soon.