I love this country. It's got a lot of problems, but it's my home and I want it to be good and I think it could be good. I love my country and I want to celebrate our 250th Independence Day too And all day--ALL DAY--the administration has made it clear that they don't consider me a real American

Now this is America

Trump getting split in half by a bolt of lightning while giving a speech on America's 250th would be the greatest thing to happen in human history and could never be topped

It must be because of how likeable he is

Just realized I've been alive for almost 20% of this country's history. Gonna go lay down in a coffin now

Was Lee Greenwood not available?

POV you just deposited a $17 chili dog in a 140-degree portajohn at the Great American State Fair

I hear America singing.

Ah... Well...

WHATTT

Ah well

I started this playlist on the 4th of July 6 yrs ago and had the realization that it's stupid to create different playlists for different occasions. Just hit 800 songs today, 60 hours - huge variety. Feel free to follow and always listen with shuffle open.spotify.com/playlist/11d...

Where a win only takes you to the quarterfinal but a semi is still guaranteed

I truly hate being against my own team, but I put a few bucks on the Dodgers when it was 6-0 Padres because I had some insider info (that the Padres are dogshit, have the worst manager in baseball, and they don't care)

The Info Wars elf was pardoned for multiple felonies for his participation in Jan 6

Its been over a month and I'm still thinking about this

It is the dawn of a new era. Hear our battle anthem. Welcome to the new InfoWars.

Is there literally any example, even a single instance, of a trans high school athlete receiving an athletic scholarship? Like has this ever happened even one time?

humanity is doomed. the only thing that can save us is the electric guitar

murderer looking for us: avril lavigne isnt a good guitar player my friend justin whispering: dont me slowly standing: no fuck this guy justin

Goddamn

godspeed, you

researching baseball

lol fucking incredible

Ok, I've been thinking about the upcoming MLB strike/lockout. I love baseball and fully support players making as much as they can. But I also think that without some sort of cap/floor, you end up with the same teams competing every year for a ring, and that is going to kill the sport eventually 🧵

“I cringe at sex scenes in movies. I have never watched a sex scene that was actually imperative to the story. It always makes me feel like the producer is working out some sort of fetish.” “Okay” “That fellow that you work with, I don’t like him. I think he’s silly.”

Yuko has a new hotdog polo shirt. It's a little snug but she loves it

I finished Euphoria season 3 a few weeks ago and now that it's had time to settle in, I genuinely think it might be the worst season in tv history if you factor in budget and hype. By the final episode I was actually pissed off.

The war starts every Friday after markets close and then there's peace deal and the straight is open by Sunday night before Monday's opening bell.

NANCY PELOSI: We must find the next generation of Democratic leadership. Young, charismatic and exciting candidates who can energize the party. People that voters love because they're not 80 years old and sold out to big capital. CHUCK SCHUMER (behind sniper rifle): Found one PELOSI: Take the shot

There are a couple weak points on my resume (not good looking, at least 20 years too old, not interesting, terrible on camera, no social media, married) but I still feel pretty good about my Love Island application 🤞

“How much is a magical world worth?” A beautiful thread about Cabo Verde, the Peace Corps, and the World Cup:

Sil: she's practically chairman Mao! Paulie: yea she's gonna Mao some fast casual shrimp heh heh didja hear what I said tone, I said Tony: jesus fuckin christ already enough with the goddamn motherfucking fast casual shrimp

Christopher: So this girl, she says she's a socialist, and get this she's online posting about how she's eating fast casual shrimp twice in a fuckin day Paulie: The fuck is fast casual? Tony: It's like ehhhh chipoltay Christopher: And now everyone's mad at her Silvio: She's a fuckin communist!

The Americans got knocked out by Turkey... what is this freaking Thanksgiving???

I hate when I back a winner who wins and then that winner picks other winners who also win. This is somehow actually a negative for me.

My grandmother was gripped by paranoia and fear. She endangered my life and the lives of everyone she encountered based on a completely, utterly irrational perception of the world in which she lived. Isn't that funny?

This is actually false but I don't feel great making the correction.

SoftBank’s investor presentation is one of the greatest things ever made. I’ve been thinking about it all day. These are the real slides shown in a speech where Masayoshi Son said he wouldn’t retire for at least another decade. The goose stuff is truly demented. Bravo group.softbank/media/Projec...

You already got your renewed Camelot buddy. Most powerful Kennedy in office in many years married to a TV star and he’s busy mixing dog cum with chia seeds to “see what grows.”

One thing I'm sure of is that centrist dems will use this opportunity to learn absolutely fucking nothing and will be on tv by this weekend saying not to read too much into the results

Well I did not think the girl could be so cruel, But she vandalized and cut my reflecting pool

WSJ announcing they're doing to do journalism like it's a new concept

I Bought This After Elon Called That Diver A Paedo But Before He Did The Nazi Salute At The Inauguration

my comment on recent events

"They're all going into the pool and they're cutting it. You see it, they take a big knife and they slice the pool. Slice the bottom. And no one does anything, they just let them do it. Cutting and then they're pulling." "And to be clear, this is a movie that you saw?" "Well, I don't know,"

What did Saudi ever do to deserve this? Oh right.

sorry, can't unthread this post for some reason. I also can't get rid of this image, it's just stuck to the post about the dirt dumbest motherfuckers drawing breath