he strait my hormuz til i blockade

Durbin has spoken with the wallet inspector and we can rest assured that any previous incidents involving misplaced cash or “identity theft” were simply misunderstandings.

Good for her!

I’m going to steal the declaration of All-Star starting lineups

gotta make sure we connect the diarrhea back to the regime’s cdc layoffs that’s not just explosive diarrhea, it’s the trump trots.

the preachers kid in me is thoroughly enjoying claire’s inside-baseball approach to covering schism watch

The mall, movie theaters, arcades, Perkins, Denny's, that local place that was open 24 hours, bowling alleys, hotel lounges that had two pinball machines and Mortal Kombat, comic book stores! record stores! The woods! The strip mall that wasn't as nice as the indoor mall, but closer to your house!

An incredible euphemism here for “the government is doing illegal discrimination”

Imagine a country being so bigoted that nobody can safely eat lettuce

infected lettuce entering my body to cause explosive diarrhea

Y’all also need to shoot anyone telling you that you can simply wash off a parasite embedded into the skin and even the folds and creases of alot of this produce. A parasite that is resistant to bleach, chlorine, and vinegar by the way. Signed, An epidemiologist

✊️✊️✊️✊️✊️✊️✊️✊️

they should make a peanut butter cup the size of a bed that you can lay on and slowly sink into, dying a fragrant peanut butter death

(to the tune of country roads) cast explode, on penis to the place on the dong wizard hit ya, using mana on penis, cast explode

he took entirely the wrong lesson here but this is a very important and true observation

The pain that keeps radiating from each of these is immense. It doesn’t stop for the individuals or the families. One of the people we helped, who “self-deported” still had to spend like 2 weeks at Dilly and has PTSD, nightmares, dropped a bunch of weight. We are torturing people.

Some exciting personal news I can finally share.

I am extremely happy to see this. Children of the 2020s deserve original, beautiful musicals, and Disney needs to push its endless resources towards brilliant writers, composers, lyricists, and actors--people with vision--instead of cynically playing IP slot machines every summer.

🎶Greaaaaat questionnnnnuh🎶

Again: we need to make it not just mandatory but automatic that anyone who is elected to federal office has any business they might own liquidated and put in a genuinely blind trust. The ‘automatic’ part is crucial.

tapas de hidratacion

And another. This morning. Running for his life and hit by a truck.

i strongly believe that the unpopular and widely-hated president should spend more time giving prime time speeches and thus forcing republicans in congress to defend his madness

Trump just shrunk Bears Ears by 91% and Grand Staircase-Escalante by 90%. Bears Ears was the first national monument co-managed by tribes. Five tribes spent years building that partnership. It's been walked back. 100,000+ archeological sites now exposed to mining and drilling.

Guy who has confused balaclava with baklava and applies buttery layers of filo dough around his head before doing crimes. It works. It’s another way to do it

the funny thing about trying to do defenses of racism prior to like the 1970s when conservatives sort of agreed that you could do racist stuff but not *admit* that it was racist is, back in the old days, they would just say it!

The @dfl.org should call for this too tbh

When everything is going well

My favorite fact about the South Park movie is that Stephen Sondheim genuinely loved it as a movie musical.

It’s called a “Job” because having one makes you feel like God gave up on you

If you have or can obtain a 2026 MLB baseball, you should send it to me now!!

The lion, the witch, and the fuckaas bitch

TRIUMPH THE INSECT CATERPILLAR BUG: that looks like a really nice stick... for me to pupate on!!!

RETORT: Quid Pro Hoe

I feel like an under discussed aspect of art history is different countries' standards regarding children's gag comics because what do you mean an official Wario Land manga features a joke where Captain Syrup jacks off Mario to completion? this would have obliterated a suburban parent in the US!

wait no somebody said jarjarizard lolol oh no

Big mood, friend

Is he wearing Jordan's Jordans? I love this man

If I can be serious for a moment, MLB seriously lacks young African American ballplayers and stars; and seeing Jordan Walker and his family there is a good deal for baseball.

This was definitely my favorite part of Jordan Walker winning because guys like him get paid pretty shitty early on in their careers so he definitely needs the money compared to Kyle Schwarber fresh off his new contract.

If you’re like me and mad about Amy Klobuchar being the DFL nominee for governor: DO SOMETHING WITH THAT ENERGY Invest in competitive down ballot races that are must win seats, if progressive policy is going to have a future in MN the next 4 years 👇 Read this thread and get involved! 👇

only goblins in the building

There was a period of time when NBC would put out these miniseries based on public domain epics with the most stacked cast you’ve ever seen and then schools would show them to 7th graders for the next 20 years and it was kinda paradise

The Great American State Fair Triumphal Arch Replica: A Retrospective (2026-2026)

if we’re not crowning henry zombrowski for his delivery of “there’s gold in them thar tits!” at the beginning of last podcast’s series on the donner party, are we even a country?

I swear to god if one more person goes "and this is why I read HP fanfiction :) I still get my Potter stories but without her!" NO! STOP IT! Even if they aren't financially supporting Rowling you are contributing to the continued existence of the franchise as a fixture of pop culture. Just STOP