this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to jump out of a helicopter to kidnap a head of state and his wife so some oil ceos can make a lot of money. we’ll be watching from a resort in florida that still serves wedge salad and checking how many retweets we get. good luck soldier

I made a playlist

A bit of serendipity this morning - didn’t feel safe going out in the car so went to the canal instead and saw this. My comedy moment for the year 🦢🤪 [Vertical video so needs a click] #sillyswan #iphone15pro

It’s a dark night when you look at the news and are forced to admit that you no longer believe in the power of the FIFA peace prize

Too bad, slopguy

what is there to even say at this point

Hard to believe a FIFA Peace Prize laureate would do this.

Come and join a hardcore band. You won’t regret it.

Jan 1: this is the year of new Me Jan 12: [eating shredded cheese directly from the bag] new years resolutions are a bourgeois construct for disciplining bodies into productive units for capital

I want 2026 to be the year of making use of AI socially unacceptable. Every time your pal says they asked ChatGTP, every time your dad sends some you some slop image - make it clear that you think it’s dogshit, that you respect them less for their use of it, and that they shouldn’t do it again

cool

Today is the last day that you can repost this image

haha yeah fuck this. going back to bed for an early night. see you lot in 2026 and good luck with the new year hangovers from which, for once, I'll mercifully escape 🫡

The Mega Man “ugly holiday sweater” I ordered from Ali Express just arrived. It is child sized, and too itchy and plasticky to put on a child. But it’s definitely ugly. Tag yourself, I’m cunty Rert Man.

got the flu so no new year's eve partying for us. my achievements today extend to finally dragging myself out of bed about an hour ago and now stuffing paracetamol down my neck and shivering under a blanket on the sofa. happy new year 🙃

people are arguing about the cultural impact of avatar, and yet this image is one of the funniest things i’ve ever seen

Just saw this in the wild which ticks "wraparound racist Tesla" off my 2025 bingo card

max of 2 posts a month with links unless you pay? wow, absolutely fuck facebook

My resolution, and I think it’s doable, is to run so fast into a chain link fence that I come out as cubes.

Xmas leftovers? chop it all up, spread a load of gravy and bread sauce on a bit of puff pastry, scatter everything over the top with some chunks of stilton, whack it in the oven for 25 mins and oh my god you're in for a good time

Hiding in the fridge won’t save you

The comments on this are all about how sweet it is and I feel insane. Using AI to make fake memories of your grandma with dementia and telling her they happened and then filming her reaction

And Tiny Tim, who did not die, because

Reminder: This has been debunked. he was scooping the food back into the tray

I’m entering The Teenager as potential winner of #Duvetknowitschristmas He’s had to move from his bedroom to the unconverted attic Cardboard floor & headboard is a nice touch which I’m sure he appreciates He think it looks like he’s living in a meth den #DuvetKnowItsChristmas

Second anniversary of our Apple TV’s spectacular attempt to understand me asking for “Hercule Poirot’s Christmas”

2025 AOTY for me has to be this one. Fantastically varied mix of post metal. Heavy, experimental at times, and some really cool guest musician appearances. The Grey are incredible live as well - do check them out if you get a chance.

i had to drop what i was doing to make this

Charles Shithouse United States, Census, 1850

love to get one of those "THE SENDER DID NOT PAY ENOUGH POSTAGE" Royal Mail cards through the door. let's gamble the £1.50 mystery fee and find out who sent us a card without a stamp on it.....

Hark! The Herald Angels Sing...

Legendary subterfuge that all b3ta members will remember

Finished the new decorations *just* in time for December.

psyching myself up to go out and do The Big Shop 🫡

OH MY GOD THEY DID

When they ask me what radicalized me

Every year @jonanamary.bsky.social and I rewatch this cursed short series of absolute madness in the run-up to Christmas. If you never have, I genuinely recommend it. Truly fucked vibes www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p05jvlhp

Jurassic Park on itv. hell yeah lazy sunday afternoon just got way better

the positive is if you have autoplay RUN SNOWY PLOVER RUN!!!!!! 🪶

one of my fave releases of 2025. sick Herz t-shirts too. give this a listen if you like angry punk stuff - it's really good 🖤

I logged on to LinkedIn and saw lots of hospitality “leaders” complaining about the rise in the minimum wage, got mad about it, wrote a column about it, felt marginally better. wb.camra.org.uk/2025/12/17/b...

god damn the opposite camera's views of each of their faces is peak schadenfreude

todays my birthday. it’s also the day 16 years ago I discovered that a customer for the data center I worked at had racked 3 full cabinets with over $200k of brand new server hardware on top of $80 of canned soda from our customer lounge vending machine to avoid spending $600 on mounting rails

shit AI slop available in physical form to hang on your walls now! god I hate this garbage

of all the shit I would never conceivably think about ever clicking on, this is right up there

Bjork's hitboxes are wild

You go to war with the baby snowy plovers you have, not the baby snowy plovers you want. That being said, this is the baby snowy plover i want. 🪶 🐣