was having a rotten morning and then coming back from a long run a lady with fully visible breast outline, nips blasting through shirt walked by. thank you ma’am, there are angels who walk among us

something i believe 100% but cant prove is that carly rae jepsen was listening to tegan and sara’s “the con” (the album) while she was composing “kiss” (the album). if i ever met her id ask her, and also why she made “beach house” a single— the only mistake of her entire career

born to be a genius of love forced to be a genius of breakfast

theyre training AI on when i explained to my senior engineer who thought goldlink is the greatest rapper of all time that rxk nephew is functionally less homophobic than teejayx6 somehow

That’s stupid thing to say. I was clearly mad from the start of this thread. I didn’t suddenly get mad when your dumb ass showed up.

animal eyes animalize animal lies

Poor Sleep Linked To Gong https://theonion.com/poor-sleep-linked-to-gong/

there should be a Hooters for dogs called "Bones"

listening to pompeii bastille and imagining what it would be like to smoke a cigarette inside my apartment

Inn named the Wounded Dinner whose sign is a shield with a burger with an arrow through its heart

please dont talk to me until ive had my morning hot fresh cup of shut the fuck up

When the painfully one sided love situationship northernlion cruise trade gets you a subscription to the criterion channel

my swagless dentist has scheduled me for a tooth chopping procedure

lasagna’s juuuust about ready to assemble. ill handle the bechamel. could you do me a favor and put the mozzarella through the rape pyramid?

that “my new band believe” album is good but bands like traffic and the moody blues were putting stuff like this out every few weeks back in the 70s. we’re in a drought

some days you're the train, some days you're the donkey

Sarth Maul

its pathetic when women cover their mouths when they eat, even more so when they keep their hand there the whole time they chew. its like covering your penis with your hand at the urinal. nobodys looking directly at it. and if they are its because its either interesting to look at, or beautiful

an ex of mine bought me a pair of onion chopping goggles when we were together. they work great, and it adds a dimension of meaningful choice to my experience chopping onions. i can either chop the onions without them and cry, or wear the goggles and cry because i miss them

roy orbison youtube comment: buried my dad in 2011. buried my son in 2021. played this song at both funerals. beautiful voice traveling wilburys youtube comment: legendary group. i couldn't cry after losing my custody battle until i went home and listened to "Handle with Care"

SlaveToMyGoddess paid you $20.00: “brother life insurance just hit🔥”

ive just been held uncountable for my fractions

supportive tshirt that looks like ⬆️ the man ⬇️ the myth 🫵 the legend

been pushing myself with cardio lately. up to 20 min of running. previous PR was 15. last 5 were hell. tried every tactic to keep going, even the ones i use to last longer during sex: visualizing a rotting wound, my dick impaled with glass, or that im in the holocaust, falling out of a guard tower

unmarried guy with a mortgage [recording selfie rant for tiktok]: you NEED violent men in an apocalypse scenario. when shit goes down theyre going to become warlords and lead humanity into survival me [visible in background reading the art of war upside down in order to discover the art of peace]:

Hard to be a God

those 🌸 uwu drink water 🌸 jerks are right because i know 4 people who have been hospitalized for dehydration alone

you gonna wield whatever i pull out of this stone

If This Ain't Too Damn True 😂

Viral Bluesky “Post” : This summer i need all men wearing either short shorts or grey sweatpants. Idc. Me (never seen a computer before): God damn this book bright as hell

the nichols tape of the second arrangement has been out for like two weeks and there are still people posting restored versions of the warped one. this is like those japanese guys in the 70s. no not the ww2 holdouts just like regular japanese guys in the 70s

who's gonna post the first fire-ass nude on bluesky! 🫣🔥 my uncle Jovenovich, who doted upon me in my youth: I pray God each night He either restore you to the light of grace, or He make something terrible and mortal befall you, to further this charade against a once-beautiful child no longer

i shan’t be celebrating any country where a sandwich costs $15

bluesky should add a “mutuals in common” display to a profile youre looking at so you can figure out how many fake friends you have

where our all the 4th of july shawties who want to rock with a socialist who hates american imperialism but is still patriotic!

katy lied! you can see it in her i'd! hum.. hum... my suprise! when when i you! CAN YOU HEAR ME DR YOU!

Goin to the 4th July function and it’s a bunch of dudes doing this

"Knee high by the fourth of July" A rhyme I made up to track the growth of my homunculus

getting the “are you okay?”/“im just a little tired haha” at 26: alone, no friends, demeaning job. 100k in debt. havent been touched in 5 years getting it at 33: ate so many ribs slathered in “bone sucking sauce” at 11pm that your 23 year old gf kept hitting you in your sleep for making pug noises

How Couples Argue Today Wife: friendly reminder, theres 4 invites in your Bsky and none are for me. guess im in the "find out" phase of our "fuck around" situationship Husband: those are for clouted OF twitter models that might need an oasis from the hellsite?????? but i hope you can grow and heal

[Kurzgesagt voice] The mother insisted her child's name was spelled Le—a. Now, how would one expect to pronounce this? Lea? Well,

you know what, the bluesky conga line pile-on is much better than the twitter one because you dont have to see the moron who made it a million times inside a QT