i mean it’s both. there’s a real burden on voters to deliver the opposition to power but then there’s a burden on the opposition to use that power appropriately for the task at hand. we are where we are in part because voters delivered them to power in 2020 and they catastrophically flubbed it.

Think I’m gonna use this moment in American history to unite Americans around adopting the metric system. Gas will seem cheaper! Dicks will sound bigger! It will be a wonderland

Praying for everyone hiding from the big game this evening

I think "woke" was at least partly identified with "irritating" and the way we're rectifying that in Woke 2 is by being scary instead

Amy Klobuchar running for Governor of Minnesota

Republicans in December 2024: You have one month, degenerates😈 Republicans in February 2026: When the left tells us to "cry more," this is an example of comedy that isn't funny because it "punches down"

I walk thru the mall a lot lately (don’t ask) and I just saw some bonafide mall goths. had to stop myself from clapping for them like troops in the airport

steve bannon is so fat that when he surrounds the polls, he SURROUNDS the polls

"it is right to give him thanks and praise" was always the funniest part of catholic mass to me. a bunch of people murmuring "retweet"

Has Tim Cook posted his review of MELANIA on Letterboxd yet

All the anti-war and anti-occupation protestors were right. All the far leftists were right. All the “woke scolds” and your friend who’s “too woke” were right. They were somehow even more right than they may have realized at the time. But really, it was always obvious they were right.

Really hard to look at this and all the other examples of bravery and kindness from ordinary people in this moment not think also of the tremendous cowardice exhibited over the past year by some of the richest, most well-protected people in business, media and politics

I keep thinking about this fact that his last words were are you okay and hers were I'm not mad at you and it feels like a weird coincidence but it's just a reflection of the fact that the people who are coming out to take care of their neighbors are good and the people who are after them are bad

Reminder in the face of all the angry gaslighting propaganda.

This is why I remind anyone in the "time to buy a gun" crowd: the Second Amendment is not for you. American gun culture is not for you. You are not in on the con.

The federal government is gunning people down in the streets, lying about what happened and then preventing any independent investigation of the killings

This random online comment from 2018 remains one of the last half-century's most important works of political commentary. crookedtimber.org/2018/03/21/l...

Democrats have to shut down the government.

these are the 7 house democrats who voted to give ICE another $10 billion on thursday btw

carly rae jepsen x heated rivalry

Gotcha—let’s dig into that step by step. 1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish. 2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot.

[lips pressed directly on mic] yes

there are plenty of reasons Air Force One would suddenly turn around. for example, they may have forgotten Kevin

Average Sunday show interview: OFFICIAL: we are going to dip enemies of the state into acid vats HOST: how will you pay for it? OFFICIAL: tariffs HOST: critics say tariffs don't generate acid vat money OFFICIAL: tariffs have generated more money than has ever existed HOST: thank u for ur time

What’s that? She doesn’t want us to say JONATHAN ROSS? Why does she want us to stop saying JONATHAN ROSS? Is there something wrong with saying JONATHAN ROSS? JONATHAN ROSS

just got out of an uber. the driver was telling me how he has to work 16 hour days, seven days a week, at two different jobs to afford rent. he doesn't have healthcare and he worries about retirement. "i would feel a lot better if we owned greenland," he told me. then he cried.

I realise I'm just a freak, but living in a multicultural city is the best thing of all time, it's just the best possible human experience and i can not understand why anyone on earth would be like "weve got to destroy this"

The one totally meaningless thing that would completely rule would be if the pope excommunicated jd Vance. Low stakes, would change nothing, but would provoke a lot of really funny reactions from people I universally hate. It would be really great. He should do it.

what a legend lmao

We recently tested ~ a dozen public statements from a diverse set of Democratic elected officials on the murder of Renee Good and this was the top testing one

the question to ask about this is, okay, he wants to cancel the midterms. how does he get the VA state board of elections to cancel the midterms? how does he get the georgia board of elections to do it? how does he convince republican house members to quit their jobs and give up their paychecks?

This is gonna sound harsh but you gotta stop talking to these hicks out in bumfuck towns. I know these people. They know less than nothing, it all comes from newsmax and facebook. They live in a fantasy world and everything they have is because of the cities they hate. They aren’t real Americans.

I think the disconnect between Atlantic elites is that Americans think Donald Trump is a kid getting to drive a monster truck for Make A Wish and Europeans and Canadians think Donald Trump is the president of the United States.

"Whiskey Fridays with Tony Dokoupil" is the string of keywords that activates my other personality, which is an agent for the Czech Republic

the entire population of England in 1086 will return in... Avengers Domesday

🕯️My cousin Brian passed away last night. After a courageous 3 wk stint with ICE. He slipped on a fellow agent’s frozen peepee puddle & somersaulted many times in the air, yelling “yabbada yabbada yabbada” & tragically aspirating (a different) agent’s pee he’d been gargling. He hated women🇺🇸💔

Abolish ICE

new york city is Real America. los angeles is Real America. chicago is Real America. minneapolis is Real America. seattle, portland, detroit etc etc. sick of this framing that it's otherwise. shut the fuck up

The animating force at the heart of US conservatism currently is incandescent rage at the mere idea of women's autonomy and independence. An image of a smiling woman who looks insufficiently deferential for their tastes riles them up enough to tear up the social contract.

I see this take around from time to time and totally disagree. ICE just murdered a woman standing up to them. No Kings is among the largest protests in history. The complacency is coming from elites in media, business, universities, and the Democratic leadership

This is what they want to take from you

No I said don’t tread on *me*. You can get treaded on.

I regret to inform you that they’re coming out with a new version of white that doesn’t include you