I am very good at art so I made a topical joke.

"Dear Diary, They have arrested Andrew Mountbatten Windsor. What the police are calling 'misconduct in public office', sounds very much like what I call my day job"

Sky

This local Wolfdog joined an Olympic ski event and triggered the finish-line camera. This is Nazgul. He snuck into a cross-country skiing sprint this morning and raced the homestretch with some competitors before being escorted home. 14/10 someone get him a medal

Normalize laughing derisively in men's faces when they deserve it.

Updated email signature.

What could go wrong using AI to help stage a few listing photos?

Just had a nap and in my dream, Aqua had released a new song with the lyrics: 🎶 Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall Have you had a trip or fall Here's a number you should call It's a personal injury lawyer 🎶 Which, for a dream, are quite fucking good lyrics.

To anyone that needs clarification, "your best" is what you can accomplish without damage to your physical, mental and emotional health, not what you can accomplish by destroying them

Canary Worf.

Seeing as it's Valentine's Day, I'm a hopeless romantic (90% of me just hopeless, I grant you) and I love you all, here's a black squirrel mummy folding up her baby like a fluffy carrier bag for ease of travel. Sound up for very cute squirrel noises 🖤❤️

You may laugh, but the Macbeths are a much better role model for a marriage than Romeo and Juliet. They discuss their problems (killing the king of Scotland), share their hobbies (killing the king of Scotland), and resolve their conflicts (by killing the king of Scotland).

"The free version of the new #AI app FuKLIFE can take your daily walk, or attend a concert, for you. But subscribers can also send FuKLIFE on holiday in their stead. The app's clever algorithm sends AI-generated photos of the moments you might have experienced and tells you how you feel about them."

essential infographic

I changed the audio

Look at this beauty, all framed. Thank you, @400footghost.bsky.social

sorry hi yeah just one question about the starters

This amused me greatly 😂 especially the fox painting 😂 Thank yoooo @cheekybudgie.bsky.social

My hard boiled egg spent the day leaning against a teabag. I think that surprised him.

Look at my beautiful new profile picture, drawn by @rossydoesdrawings.bsky.social

My shrimp is moulting. Happy Tuesday night

Bollards save lives AND bring immense joy and happiness to the world. #WorldBollardAssociation

Do you want to know if you can watch a film on the BBC tonight?

Happy National Draw a Dinosaur Day. My colleagues are all raking it very seriously. #DinosaurFriday

Astonishing thread. But completely unsurprising.

SOMEONE CALL THE GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS. I have found the most middle class review ever on Ocado for Comte cheese. Steady yourselves for this Ready? You’re not even close to being ready

Looking at what the Americans are up to today…

We had some students in today. Sorted out their ID badges. We had a Miss Walker, first name Skye. She will be Luke to me for the rest of the term.

Men, if you see a lady crying, ask her if it's because of her haircut. Women love a man who pays attention.

All the chickens were perching in the run last night instead of in their coop because they missed the automatic door timer. This means that IT IS GETTING LIGHTER and I have had to change the timer. Spring is going to happen.

I have some more £10 doodly sketchy commissions available now! Please send me a message if you would like one! (It doesn't have to be a goblin, I just like goblins the best)

on the issue of “who scored more goals, bournemouth or liverpool”, differing perspectives are emerging; on the one hand, video evidence suggests that bournemouth did. however, sources inside anfield say these images “lack context”, and it seems to be becoming a footballing litmus test

Just a heron wearing a Christmas hat.

Here we see the Seal Bar, nervously looking around, ever mindful of it's natural chocolate bar predator, The Club.

If it ever seems like GenX and elder Millennials are obnoxiously loud about queerphobia and, specifically, trans rights, you have to remember we grew up in a society saturated by homophobia and decided "never again". This shame and hatred must not simply be redirected. It must end with us.

wife: what did i ask you to do? me: buy the name-brand repellent wife: and what did you do? me: i bought the cheap stuff wife: you bought the cheap stuff me: it was half the- wife: and what do we have now? me: *sigh* we have elephants wife: we have elephants

Billionaires just don't go for rides in imploding submersibles like they used to

For over a year now the CD thats been playing in my car has been Pope Francis' prog rock CD and I've so brainwormed my friends with it that not only have I had to make them a remix of one of the songs for them to use as an alarm, but they're now all speculating on what Pope Leo will do for his album

Update from Channel 4:

Hold music should not fade or pause as it restarts because it gets my hopes up. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

That’s a nice end to the day.