The Equus Movie should be produced by 20th Centaury Fucks

When I saw the cockney salesmen bouncing around the London streets in #theapprentice, I assumed it was for Team Pie. Nope. Team Carbonara. Absolutely wild approach.

In case you don't watch #TheApprentice, there is currently a team making a tonne of carbonara. One hates cheese, one doesn't eat eggs and one doesn't eat pork. None of them can do maths. It's like a fucking riddle.

This week's #TheApprentice involves a team using eggs to make money. Catch up afterwards with The Apprentice: You're Fried.

I am of the opinion that, despite all the adverts and sponsoring comedy shows on Channel 4, the service "Tesco Whoosh" doesn't actually exist.

Watching Small Prophets

Followed the rules exactly: Attention Deficit Disorder accepted here (7)

Got a hospital visit on Friday and also running low on groceries. Any help much appreciated. Hearing from PIP soon! Aargh! paypal.me/frizfrizzle ko-fi.com/frizfrizzle

THIS SATURDAY 14TH AT LEICESTER COMEDY FESTIVAL 1pm, Jokes On Us, Real Ale Classroom events.comedy-festival.co.uk/events/after... 4.25pm, The Saboteur, LCB Depot events.comedy-festival.co.uk/events/the-s... 5.55pm, Musical Chairs, LCB Depot events.comedy-festival.co.uk/events/music...

Not ALL the single ladies - Nuancé

With Cruttenden pulling out of the comedy show tonight, Widdecombe and Conaty will be doing extended sets. Which just goes to prove... Josh and Roisin gig longer with Hal gone.

According to The Wannadies, Ewan McGregor's middle name is 🎵 ME ALWAYS AND 🎵

Got a hospital visit on Friday and also running low on groceries. Any help much appreciated. Hearing from PIP soon! Aargh! paypal.me/frizfrizzle ko-fi.com/frizfrizzle

Ross Noble DVDs used to be an event! Brilliant artwork and boxes that would fold out. Sometimes there'd be six discs!

Japan's new PM reforms ties with China after acknowledging key alliance at first (5,8)

Got my offer for What's in the Box? at EdFringe this year. New location and new time. Hope you're all ready for midday shenanigans. 📦

Fuck your ChatGPT, if I want to see a caricature of myself I will make the effort to go to the seaside and pay £15 for a cruel man to give me body dysmorphia like we’ve always done.

With Cruttenden pulling out of the comedy show tonight, Widdecombe and Conaty will be doing extended sets. Which just goes to prove... Josh and Roisin gig longer with Hal gone.

According to The Wannadies, Ewan McGregor's middle name is 🎵 ME ALWAYS AND 🎵

REMINDER! @cluesatten.bsky.social is a new account that posts cryptic crossword clues that look like current news headlines. If you're a setter and would like to contribute, DM me!

REMINDER! @cluesatten.bsky.social is a new account that posts cryptic crossword clues that look like current news headlines. If you're a setter and would like to contribute, DM me!

Furious Scottish Labour's Anas lodges challenge over embattled Westminster leaders; it's a bit of a salad! (8)

Hello I'm 52 years old and have been watching Doctor Who for 41 of those years and I only JUST figured out that Space Babies is the same title as An Unearthly Child.

Still plenty of time to reserve or buy tickets for my show on the 20th! Because that's how time works!

And you won't be able to do anything about it because all that time ago, you signed away your likeness to some AI image software to see how you would look as a sentient chess piece or whatever the fuck it is you're all doing this week.

In 2-3 years, you will see a video advert which you are in. You're drinking the latest flavour of PringleJUICE™!, the new drinkable crisp. You watch yourself devour it, lick your lips, pat your belly and then shout "I'm full to the brim of this juuuuicy Pringle™!".

CHRIST LADS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU stop trying to game it and just oh o don’t know TALK TO WOMEN They are lovely and have nice hair

I love that - as an asexual - I've probably had more sex in the past three years than any of these guys

™ means Taskmaster squared.

In 2-3 years, you will see a video advert which you are in. You're drinking the latest flavour of PringleJUICE™!, the new drinkable crisp. You watch yourself devour it, lick your lips, pat your belly and then shout "I'm full to the brim of this juuuuicy Pringle™!".

Pineapple Express with Seth Rogen and James Franco was a joint venture.

I see the TERFs are mad that a trans man is on a Woman's team for the Olympics. "I SEE HE'S NOT PLAYING FOR THE MEN'S TEAM!" they dunk. Well, of course not. If he did your eyes would shoot out and shatter your telly.

Regularly watching Top of the Pops on BBC4 would have won me £250,000 on Limitless Win just now.

Chief of staff resigns causing shitstorm (6)

Morgan McSweeney should not be the name of this guy. That is the name of a Channel 9 Weathergirl.

Morgan McSweeney should not be the name of this guy. That is the name of a Channel 9 Weathergirl.

MMMBop (4,4)

Hey #crossword folks! I've continued chipping away at Cryptick and have added two major new things: ✅ Explanations: shown when the word is solved or revealed, so the author can share their thinking with the solver. Thank you @henriwords.com for this feature request, a very good shout! (1/2)

And now, a cryptic crossword clue I came up with at 3am: MMMBop (4,5,8)

And now, a cryptic crossword clue I came up with at 3am: MMMBop (4,5,8)

COLUMBO: My wife, she loves your games. The sunken ghost ship level. It’s her favourite MARIO: Thank-a you! C: Just one more thing. Now you say your girlfriend, the Princess, was kidnapped by Bowser, your enemy. And yet you were go-karting with him this morning? M: What’s-a your point, Detective?

Fourth gig of Leicester Comedy Festival was a blast! I shall be back on the 14th appearing in three shows. Details to come!

I saw Adele Cliff's (@adelecliff.bsky.social) Topical Late Night show last night in its first iteration. Phenomenal. She and her team were writing it when I got in at 5pm and had a full hour of topical gags and games by 10.30pm. Get that team writing on a telly show because UK TV comedy needs it.

About to do Naked Comedy. Being autistic, I'm not a fan of eye contact which is making the green room difficult.

On today's show, Stevie Yardy burned a vicar, Adele Cliff used a glove and a Rasta for the same purpose, Stephen Catling became Gollum and Jacpb Hatton discovered coin grease. The box will reopen in June. BUT WHERE?!

Nice audience for tonight's FUNNY TURN at Leicester Comedy Festival!

ACAB for Cutie