You're only slopposed to blow the bloody doors off

Self Reliance is a perfectly fine 5/10 movie which ends up being 3/10 because of the piss poor ending. I was rooting for you, movie!

You're only slopposed to blow the bloody doors off

Where exactly are you all getting your 2025 Bingo Cards? Were they delivered in January? Yet again, I have been overlooked in Starmer's Britain.

RIP Richard Darbyshire of Living in a Box fame. If it weren't for you including the word Box in everything you did, you wouldn't have been part of the playlist. Plus, your song was poppier than Heart Shaped Box by Nirvana.

You keep thinking "eh, Doctor Who will be back any time soon, we've gone longer without episodes before!" and then you realise Dugadoo was only two stories ago.

I like the Carry On films but the lore is too confusing, impossible for modern audiences to accept these people could play a major part in the French Revolution AND lose their bras on camping holidays

We sell croissants! Here they are under the CROISSANTS sign. Ooh, we now sell pan au chocolat. Pop them in the same area of the shop and change the sign to PASTRIES so everything is included. Transphobes: THIS IS CROISSANT ERASURE >:(

This kid rules

TIP: Thanksgiving is always the fourth Thursday of November, so Black Friday starts after that. Yes, it is stupid to have Black Friday in the UK. No, I do not make the rules. Yes, it would be handy if Black Friday adverts listed an actual date instead of having to do maths.

i hate james bond. oooh, i just shagged entendre jiggletits. also, my shoe is a gun. fuck off.

Who's your favourite James Bond? Mine is the spy from the films.

Deaf in my left ear for three weeks. Visited the GP. Turns out I'm not deaf in one ear, I'm deaf in both! Apparently so much wax buildup that I should be getting tension headaches. Downside of not feeling pain in extremities means this kind of thing is easily overlooked by me. There are no upsides.

[me yelling at the screen as patrick stewart turns up in dr strange] BUT HE DIED IN LOGAN! WHAT THE FUCK! I AM SO CONFUSED.

As I was going to St Ives I met a polycule with a severe hoarding problem

Help mom I’m being bullied by 87 year old novella writer Joyce Carol Oates again can you pick me up

I'm currently playing PHONE CONGA! (I'm caller no. 6 in the queue for a GP appointment)

As I was going to St Ives I met a polycule with a severe hoarding problem

BBC News was fun tonight

hey guys it's markus from whotube weekly roundup, you one spot source for the latest doctor who news. uhhhh nothing yet but watch me stretch this to fifteen minutes including six ad rolls

[Watching tonight's Only Connect and shouting at the TV] "PREPARE TO DIE!" "Well done, Mr Linehan, that's five points for that answer" "Answer?"

Still shit scared of cooking but just made a cheesy egg and I'm very proud!! Hark at my egg!

I could wear a funny little shirt, I guess. What even are headlines anymore.

I can count on one hand the amount of trans women who have qualified for the Olympics. Fuck, I can count on one finger. The one that was partially amputated.

Who do I know with a recording studio? It's been five years since my last studio album and I've written at LEAST three new parody songs since then. Hit me up!

Since they cancelled Mock the Week and The Now Show, I have so much time for freelance writing again. However, I have also used the cancellations of both to successfully avoid the news over the past few years because it is too depressing. A quandary! Anyway, please hire me for your writing things.

Fucking h*ck!

this must've been so annoying before computers

Why does the second one look like he's posing for an ALAN CARR IS THE DOCTOR magazine cover?,

DID YOU KNOW In The Parting of the Ways (2005), The Doctor was not meant to regenerate at the end. Eccleston just did that. That's why he hasn't come back to the show. He's David Tennant now. #doctorwho #facts

Can the next BBC guy bring back Crime Traveller please

Me, giggling like a goblin, strapping myself into the BBC Boss chair, commissioning non-celeb sitcom & sketch show after another. High concept narrative comedies by women! 100 shows with writers rooms! Tell whatever celeb blokes are doing a travel show they can make their own way back from Bordeaux!

DID YOU KNOW In The Parting of the Ways (2005), The Doctor was not meant to regenerate at the end. Eccleston just did that. That's why he hasn't come back to the show. He's David Tennant now. #doctorwho #facts

Do TERFs do anything else with their day? Did they enjoy Celebrity Traitors? Have they been on a walk? What did they think of the new Lily Allen album? We will never know because all their output is grumbling as they think about genitals.

Columbo:

Pluribus (2025)

"This program cuntains strong language right from before the start"

For those hoping Victoria Coren Mitchell would do a whole newspaper article taking down Graham Linehan - she only writes about *current* works in television.

Pluribus (2025)

Vince Gilligan had the 'Pluribus' credits include 'this show was made by humans' "I hate AI. AI is the world’s most expensive and energy-intensive plagiarism machine. I think there’s a very high possibility that this is all a bunch of horseshit" (via Variety)

Columbo:

Yes! It’s not standup as such but it is a very funny panel show! And as @harecomedy.bsky.social said, it’s the last Mon each month on Zoom. Next one is 24 Nov. (Live shows too in London etc but that’s not what you asked.) Follow me and/or @101rules.bsky.social to hear about shows….

@lesliegold.bsky.social is running her panel show 101 Rules For A Better World on zoom at the moment - I think it's the last Monday of every month. :)

Indeed! @coherentcomedy.bsky.social still going strong, just had our year anniversary.

A mutual enquires: are there any UK/EU based online comedy nights still going? Homebound stand-up fans deserve laughs too! Reply with recommendations and do share for a wider reach!

Making Alan Carr a Traitor really is a funny move. He'll either be the first one immediately banished or he'll fall upwards and win the whole thing. There is no in between.

The polycule are excited for Taskmaster. We are very normal.

I'm watching 9-1-1 for the first time and finished Season 1 yesterday. My thoughts so far. - Meet Buck McFuck, the world's sexiest twink. Every woman who looks at him can't help but have sex with him. He is a walking Lynx advert. He eventually stops fingering everyone by Episode Three.

every AI ad is like “hey gemini, what would i have for lunch?” and then the phone is like “sandwich” and the guy is like “wow”

“LOL look at this—“ “I wanted to try out Chat GPT to—“ “Look at how realistic this creepy thing—“ “Its just a funny video—“ “I know its AI but—“ No. Many of us have said/done this innocently before or without thinking so I issue no judgement here. But the ones that know it & do it on purpose tho…