Invented a word today, although I would be surprised if nobody's beaten me to it. Polterguest: That one friend who drops, breaks or spills something every time they come over. Oh hey it me.

Does anyone know if the “report” commissioned for the DRA by Emma Hilton of Sex Matters has been published anywhere, not just in bullet-point “summary” but in full?

Weird that “generational divide” is a problem when the policies benefit younger people, but not when successive governments have repeatedly thrown the futures of the youth of this country directly into a skip at the behest of an aging population the other parties are desperate for votes from.

I missed this from @phineas.bsky.social when it originally came out but it sure feels relevant at the moment. Also, you can buy this as a print from the artist here: www.inprnt.com/gallery/phin...

Nestlé is such an evil corporation - cartoonishly evil - that if you report that you've got one of the stolen KitKats they'll probably get you done for handling stolen goods.

Hi Ben, since you post about me every day and email me unsolicited even after I told you to stop, lets play a game. Every time you tweet about me, I donate $10 to a trans org. Let's call it the Benjamin Ryan youth transition fund. southernequality.app.neoncrm.com/nx/portal/fo...

They also pay pennies for Michigan tap water, bottle it, and sell it for a premium. No snitching.

To add to this, remember, Nestle is the company who expropriated reserve lands for the water to then sell it back to the band members who no longer had access to clean safe drinking water. Don't be the snitch!

I do not envy the History teachers of the future who have to somehow explain this period to their students in any way that makes sense.

Have a break. Have 12 Tonnes of KitKat. Remember, kids, Nestle is literally the company who literally told African mothers that their breast milk wasn't good enough in order to sell more formula. Don't be a snitch, now.

Does anyone else experience what I guess I'd call dream canon or dream continuity? Like you'll dream a thing about yourself, or someone else, or an invented location, and then in subsequent dreams, that "data" will crop up in context? 🧵

I mean JUST LOOK at the cake @vive-la-niamh.bsky.social made me for my birthday. If you don't already, follow my amazing girlfriend on here and look at/read about her ongoing cooking adventures. And then be consumed with envy because *I* quite often get to EAT these sublime creations!

Oh Jesus...

I've always enjoyed a harmless windup. I had a colleague who used to point out cemeteries and say "Sherlock Holmes is buried there, y'know!" Just to see how people would react. I don't do it online, because I haven't the energy for the replies. But I've just had an intrusive thought...

Neurotypical adults in my childhood: "You must always follow the rules! It's unfair on everyone else if you don't follow the rules." 🧵

There should be an alt text option for people to explain their joke

GLASGOW INTERNATIONAL COMEDY FESTIVAL! Catch me, Ashley Frieze and Edi Johnston with our three-hander hour MUSICAL CHAIRS on March 14th. Get your tickets now please.

HEATHCLIFFE IT'S ME YOUR COUSIN, MARVIN HEATHCLIFF

it is actually impressive how bewilderingly shitty we've made the simple act of buying a train ticket in this country

Porridge for dinner is an awesome Idea. Why did we ever stop? 🍽️🍜 #foodsky niamhhallam.substack.com/p/why-we-sto...

"From the British perspective, tagliatelle con ragù alla Bolognese is a type of spag bol." I wrote about pasta this week: the Italian classic, the British version I grew up with and what they can tell us about authenticity. niamhhallam.substack.com/p/untangling... 🍽️🍜 #foodsky

Please, I beg you, for the love of G-d, if Google AI or ChatGPT says you don't need a lawyer to do something, TALK TO A LAWYER ANYWAY. PLEASE.

The Equus Movie should be produced by 20th Centaury Fucks

Red! The blood of angry men! Black! The dark of ages past! Violets are blue.

In 2-3 years, you will see a video advert which you are in. You're drinking the latest flavour of PringleJUICE™!, the new drinkable crisp. You watch yourself devour it, lick your lips, pat your belly and then shout "I'm full to the brim of this juuuuicy Pringle™!".

"Those with ADHD may be prone to emotional outbursts!" Listen, if you'd just spent a month trying to sort a delay on your meds, through brain fog, having lost your tub of spares, only to finally get your scrip refilled, then find the tub of spares in a coat pocket, you'd be shouting "OH FFS!" too.

I came to Minneapolis to report on what's going on, and one of the main questions I showed up with is "just what is the scale of the resistance?" After all, we're all used to the news calling Portland a "war zone" or whatever when it's just some protests in one part of town.

Sainsburys managers: "What should we put on offer for our Chinese New Year Promotion?" "Er, Korean condiments?" "Yep, that's perfect!"

JK Rowling: hello children Poe: oh hi joanne Poe: do you have something to Rowling: I have sssomething to sssay Poe: is it about Rowling: iran ssseemss to be unusssually full of gryffindorsss

Welcome to BlueSky! Things are a little... different around here. (Instead of having a magic 8 ball sharting out porn, we all just yell at old episodes of Top of the Pops)

We've got FOUR comedians to announce tomorrow. Two previous contestants and two brand new players. Award winners, Pun Champions and all brilliant.

'I constantly look in the mirror and remind myself I am a bitch. I am Donald's little Bitch Boy and I do everything he tells me because that's what bitches do.'

Harry, My Cat Died. BBC News calling me a hacker. The 90108 joke. Muppet Les Mis. The fact Only Connect changed from Greek letters to Egyptian heiroglyphs. I've had a weird life.

2025 stats! - 1,000 saw my shows in Edinburgh - What's in the Box? most popular year - lost a bit of finger, sight in one eye - Headlined more than I've ever done (including Splendour Festival!) - Council eventually found me a flat! - Started writing for [2026 thing] - #russelltoveyfuckeafysh

Lunch 🍽️🍜: Rasam, a South Indian spicy broth served with rice. This is really delicious - sweet, sour, full of roasted spice notes. I'm writing about Mulligatawny soup at the moment and this is the dish that inspired it, so it's valuable data! Recipe: www.indianhealthyrecipes.com/tomato-rasam...

I would like more writing opportunities in 2026. Are you part of a writing team? Hey, I'm available! Put in a good word for me! Credits include The Now Show, Mock the Week and helping TV comedians punch up their jokes. DMs are extremely open or you can email itsfrizfrizzle AT gmail DOT com.

If you fancy helping make the first few weeks of 2026 easier for me, please consider donating. Maybe three ghosts visited you to tell you to help your favourite disabled comedian with mutual aid! Anything is much appreciated. Have a lovely new year x paypal.me/frizfrizzle ko-fi.com/frizfrizzle

@vicmmic.bsky.social Here is a greedy starling!

@vicmmic.bsky.social Here is a baby coot. I swear to God it's supposed to look like that.

@vicmmic.bsky.social Here's an Egyptian goose.

@vicmmic.bsky.social Here's a British crow with a cracker.

🍜🍽️ My very non-traditional Christmas dinner. A mezze of hummus, muhammara, orange and fennel tabbouleh, shakshouka and flatbread. All from the book Arabiyya by Reem Assil. Turned out exactly how I wanted. Happy Christmas to all who celebrate, however you celebrate! 🌲❤️

It's Christmas Eve which means it is time to share the best Christmas essay ever written.

We bought this knockoff lager from Aldi which @tomjuniper.bsky.social has deemed "Klonenburg"

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Jamiroquai when Jamiro vewwy sad

Read about my top ten dishes of 2025! If you enjoy the way I write about food, you can subscribe to my substack for free to get updated whenever I post a new article. 🍜 open.substack.com/pub/niamhhal...

The Sally-Anne Test, a critique. NTs: "With this test, we can prove that autistic people have no theory of mind!" Autistic child: "Mate, call these 2 bits of plastic in dresses "Sally" and "Anne" all you want. Neither one of them knows where a damn marble is. However, I, a human, do."