Trying to lock in by balancing an open tangerine la croix on my head while answering emails

wdym you want me to hop on a call?? The thing that led to sober sister CiCi being stabbed and thrown off a balcony?????

Holding my cats little paw in my hand as he sleeps before remembering he steps in a litter box with these same precious toe beans

A distraught man came to Broadview searching for his wife of five years after she was taken by ICE at her court hearing. He wasn’t told anything, tracked her by her phone, and was left weeping in the parking lot.

Benny blanco wrote 3OH3’s song “DONTTRUSTME”???????

banana republic charging 100 buckaroos for a beanie the rich really do live más

they don’t eliminate all chefs??? there’s no dessert round??? the judging is blind????

they remade cutthroat kitchen with a host that looks like millenial Alton brown

memory of my British lit professor wearing a mesh top for my class’s farewell dinner just popped into my head; like why did he do that? was he going to the club after? He was 65 years old. He wore it at every farewell dinner. Much to think about

Almost everything a driverless car does transit can do better with the added benefit of not having to think about your car.

Angel baby keeping Me from pulling out my hair

republican politicians are like roaches - wired for self preservation and she’s scurrying the fuck away because maga isn’t selling like it used to

She’s retiring already??? But she’s only 30, she only has two studio albums?? There’s still so much more she could do!!!

it doesn’t get any clearer that america’s betrothal to fossil fuels is about letting energy companies pick our pockets to prop up their obsolete industry

Hey the cutie patootie convention called and they want you to be a guest speaker

At 1K this might be most liked selfie on this app and it’s out of focus lmao

remember Lean Cuisines

why is everyone talking about parks and rec, what did I miss why are we not talking about me

I put the “ew” in New Jersey 😉

teehee I’m still so giddy about Jack losing

That’s my county!!!

Debra Messing has been spotted on top of the Empire State Building

I am in fact, as the kids say, libbing out

EAT SHIT JACK YOU THREE TIME LOSER

Debra Messing has joined the Proud Boys.

Mikie Sherrill being born in VA Abigail Spanberger being born in NJ The old switcharoo

BREAK OUT THE TAYLOR HAM

Me: oh the moon is so bright lemme take a selfie The selfie:

wait if I wasn’t paying income taxes before then where did my money go????

my dry skin daddies and divas does anyone have a recommendation for a light body moisturizer that is easy to put over body hair; my paper skins can’t handle this

I know I’m not annoying online bc everyone keeps liking my posts

Checking in on a post that left containment

Today is HER day.

🚨 Attention millionaires who will flee NYC when Zohran wins: can I have your apartment for free

Dick Van Dyke has OUTLIVED Dick Cheney

all the people running the marathon this Sunday reminded me to actually register for the drawing the half in March so thank you runners

bottoms when you finish

how much sour cream is too much sour cream

I know if no one else got me, jonelle and dice and jessica from the apple fitness plus team got me

I know doing a little workout and stretches will improve my mood but I am so sleepy

Gay guys are so creative in how they show bulge in 2025 I just saw a video where a guy used a yoyo

I need prescription toothpaste that costs 30 bucks a tube, getting older is a scam 👁️👄👁️

lol, lmao even

A sign at every entrance to the track saying no dogs; every lane has a runner doing laps. lady with two toy poodles on retractable leashes:

feel like reality show casts have very big study abroad cohort energy

hello darkness my old friend you come to me at 4 pm this extra hour I lay in thought sinking further into bed rot the trees are bare the Sundays scare and Mariah Careys voice begins to blare 🫰🫰🫰🫰🫰🫰🫰

i’m gonna beat Paul Hollywood with a stick