A hundred thousand orientations and they never actually touch another human being

Due to personal reasons, I have decided to become evil.

Wicked: How Elphaba Got Her Groove Back (2028)

Any time I see she’s tagged me, it’s either going to be adorable or make me regret having eyes

Sometimes don’t you wish Bluesky was mainly trans people and furries again?

They’re just all so dreamy…

It's almost Thanksgiving! Got an ICE member coming for dinner at your house? No you don't! Can't stop them because you're not the one hosting? No problem. You can shun them, mock them, shame them, cough in their food. They get the weird chair. No weird chair? Make a weird chair.

“Epstein was a CIA/Mossad asset via child trafficking and blackmail re influential pedophiles who was murdered in prison when one of his clients became president” really is the Occam’s razor explanation

I really wish bsky gave us the option to turn off reskeets from specific accounts

Gifted Khashoggi Head Mounted In Oval Office

Pope John Paul II Gloria Steinem Maya Angelou Disco Stu

interviewer: where do you see yourself in five years jana: smoking weed interviewer: that's a deeply unprofessional— jana: you're there too interviewer: what are you— jana: you're smiling, but there is a sadness behind it

I am over here cackling at the restaurant @piegoblin.bsky.social spoke into being this morning. Just A+ level brainrot.

I am over here cackling at the restaurant @piegoblin.bsky.social spoke into being this morning. Just A+ level brainrot.

"politics game Phineas Gage" is actually a pretty charitable description of John Fetterman

Y'all ever have a dream where there is about to be porn on your screen at an inappropriate time, through no fault of your own, and you're trying desperately to stop it?

No I was searching for something sperm related

If my local Panera is representative, the chain only has three very minor problems: #1) The food isn't very good #2) It is very expensive #3) It is never ready when it's supposed to be

There are no mistakes in the group chat, just previously unknown lore to be discovered

I think @piegoblin.bsky.social and I are even less hinged than usual tonight. We're brainstorming grindr profiles.

While you were studying the blade I was also studying the blade. We were in fourth period blade class together, remember?

just learned we won an award for our blog post about Tom Holland and stormwater management. remember, when you see an article about stormwater management, you repost it. i don’t make the rules.

you might not know this but if you live in the city and you order food it's very important to open the door while standing straight up and step out and then reach down to pick up your food. otherwise you risk locking eyes with a neighbor in a position i call "the goblin tableau"

I think @piegoblin.bsky.social and I are even less hinged than usual tonight. We're brainstorming grindr profiles.

There are no mistakes in the group chat, just previously unknown lore to be discovered

Watching my wife and another man laugh at all her antics from the Cunk chair

"Microsoft warns that Windows 11's agentic AI could install malware on your PC: 'Only enable this feature if you understand the security implications.'" bro what-- what are we doing here, exactly, how can you--anyone be okay with this?

i think i'm gonna die in this house

When a man tries to sell me a "Chanel purse" on the sidewalk in NYC:

no we are not retconning marjorie taylor greene she is evil what is wrong with people

Oh shit I didn’t know trees could pull off a high pony, but look at her go

"MY HUSBAND IS DEAD! 💀 I don’t want 2 remarry 😓 I only want sex 👀" -Dolly Parton

cloudflare's on-duty IT staff bangs on the doors which I have padlocked from the inside as I calmly break open lava lamp after lava lamp and drink the contents

When a post only gets 4 likes, I feel like you're not adequately celebrating how funny and delightful I am

this specific man could fix me

I've made my choice. 💅

bad writing can lowkey be beautiful. not because the language is beautiful but because bad writing can reveal things about the writer that "good writing" would know to conceal or distract from. sometimes when reading bad writing I feel a terrible, thrilling closeness to the author.

So if Olivia is 32 now, broke up with Lizza last year, was together with him for a decade, and then was living with you for 4+ years before that, how old was she when you moved her out of her (presumably parents’) house in the suburbs to live with you?

this specific man could fix me

Was she watching the McLaughlin Group in a constant state of arousal

to have an affair with one longshot presidential candidate twice your age that you’re profiling may be regarded as a misfortune; to have two looks like carelessness

I really want to make skank gender neutral

Introduction time! Hi. My name is Alice, I love animals and going into stranger's threads and correcting them, even when they are obviously joking.

TBH I can't quite believe @yodacat.bsky.social hasn't used the word "prolapse" in a bsky post before now

As promised! Alice's Horse Facts brings you a new horse fact: Horses fart when they buck or pick up a hind leg because those actions flex the fart muscle. You can often make a horse fart by pushing gently on his perineum an inch or so below the anus.

Hi, I'm Yoda. I'm a pisces (transphobe) but really I think I inherited my star heart from my mother (khmer rouge enthusiast). I also enjoy music and the act of fishing.

Olivia Nuzzi needs an editor. I would be happy to meet her for a private session. by Larry Summers

Name three people who genuinely enjoy your company.