Years ago, the adult son of a member of our fire company was trying to get into catering so we hired him to do our annual dinner. It was chicken -- he marinated boneless breasts in HAWAIIAN PUNCH it was bright pink -- or "roast beef" which he bought pre-cooked in a loaf then cooked again well and:

I gather from your comments there are a couple of other things you don't know, Marjorie. For example, you probably didn't know that Suzanne was the only contestant in Georgia pageant history to sweep every category except congeniality, and that is not something the women in my family aspire to

Linda, when someone calls her dumb

It's a silicone replica of a corpse pulled from the Volga river in 1967

So good

Garfield: *eats a lasagna very quickly* Judi Dench: oh Garfield Garfield: *snores loudly* Judi Dench: you wretched creature Garfield: *hits spider with newspaper* Judi Dench: murderous reprobate Garfield: *watches tv* Judi Dench, intensely whispering: soulless twisted thing

Syrian breakfast

Hazel has been invited to a kite flying party for her best friend's birthday party! I think this is the best kids birthday party idea I've even encountered.

Horses take short naps while standing up throughout the 24 hour period, but can only get REM sleep lying down. Adult horses only need about 3-5 hours sleep total.

Ready for another Alice's Horse Facts tm? This one's not gross!

I'm going to a lesbian ro-de-o I'm going to a lesbian whoa-oh rodeo

Mrs. Bezos: i am getting a lot of questions about whether or not i'm happy that are answered by my oped about whether or not i'm happy

There are 61 people on the ballot for the CA gubernatorial election. The primary will decide which top two candidates, regardless of party, will run in the general election. The Dems, once again, cannot get their shit together and we are in serious danger of a Trump-supporting Republican governor.

Miss Alice's Disposable Single-Use Riding Horses

Hazel: did you know that babies get the hiccups while their still in their mother's tummies? Me: Yes. Yes I did know that.

I call this "poorly explaining a sandwich"

A podcast, but it's just people talking to their pets when they think no one else can hear them. 😊

One clown has left the car.

GOOD MORNING CAN I INTEREST YOU THROWING

Latest designer dog breed, poodle husky mix called a podleski

Death at a Funeral

I really thought this was Ted Danson:.

I wish I was having another for dinner tonight

wow kristi noem’s name is krysti lynn arnold noem? if i ended up with those initials i would have legally changed my middle name or added one

I watched half of Rocky Horror last night with my elder daughter falling asleep on the couch next to me and now she thinks she had a very weird dream

It is not at all surprising that Eric Swalwell is a sex pest. It -is-surprising that other people are surprised that he is.

It was a tremendous sandwich; I'm still thinking about her

My sandwich is going to be here soon

Getting this on a t-shirt

Getting ready to open the capsule with a giant one of these

I just spent $175 at the fuel station

I just showed my kids some of those bizarre mentos commercials

[whitest woman you know doing her "urban" voice] Muslims, Just Don't Understand

Took my flexiril ama

Oh this is exciting

The R.E.M. song "Everybody Hurts" is about doing yard work when you're in your 40s.

Made Elinor work for me today. Builds character.

*busting through the door of a Berlin nightclub* ALRIGHT BITCHES, WHERE'S THE

I am liking your posts but bsky keeps taking away the hearts

Why are ants one of the more irritating of gods creatures?

make sure to read my new piece in the Atlantic: why did the left make Trump threaten to nuke a nation

why are you on blue sky having opinions that are different from my own?! The audacity! The hubris!

I want him to die soon but also, I want him tried at the Hague.

if nuclear war breaks out tonight this is how they’re gonna find me

Me and @auntieoddfur.bsky.social

Playing I spy with my kid while we wait for Ryan to come rescue us and the ailing car, her: I spy with my little eye a non-native plant