apparently my sister's elderly mostly blind and deaf pug decided she was going to take a swim in the pool yesterday, because my sister sent the group chat a security cam video of herself using the pool net to scoop her out

Do you think his team called up a local tattoo artist and begged for an appointment yesterday? Like Graham Platner walking into a Portland tattoo shop at 6pm and saying “Give me the biggest flash you’ve got”

I'm not sure which world these people (the person Derek is clowning on, not Derek) want to live in, but a world in which working class people cannot occasionally spend $200 on a nice night out (and this was his birthday!) is a world in which every business suffers except Walmart.

People really just get on Al Gore’s internet and say things freely that I would take to the grave

Now he's covering up his totenkopf with a Hufflepuff tattoo! Get this guy outta here!

It's 1994 at McDonalds and I'm constantly pretending to be insulted so I can speak to the manager

Maine is absolutely not beating the Racist Uncle of New England allegations

Planter, apparently

If you’re at the point where you even know enough about weird Nazi symbols to get one tattooed on your body, you’ve already gone past the point of normalcy

the other thing i’ll say here is i am a bit frustrated with the narrative of online radicalization that treats it as akin to brainwashing. it lets individuals, families and communities off the hook for the choices they make and the environments they foster

this also drives me insane, this idea that it is the most normal thing in the world for a young (white) man to have a nazi curious phase. it isn’t!

i actually don’t think the “average” american millennial man had a nazi phase. it’s not some boys will be boys shit. this makes me side eye you and your friend group, sounds like a personal problem

ok the actual lesson is that everyone has to campaign in the nude. like the greeks of old

Literally today someone was watching a tv show on their phone the *entire time* they used the bathroom. At that point, it’s an addiction.

people playing music/videos on their phone speakers in public is more than just mildly annoying and is instead a leading indicator of the decline of community and empath

They say that if a patient fills out an advanced directive, that makes it harder to determine their wishes because they're less likely to talk to "loved ones" about it. If someone fills out an advanced directive, that *is* what they wish and you don't need to ask anyone else.

You gotta imagine how weird it felt to drive that backhoe today just looking back at everybody going “you sure about this everybody’s sure about this?”

Some of you weren’t in marching band in high school

The interesting thing here is that rural areas have higher birth rates than urban ones. The depopulation is largely because they do not create environments where many of those children can thrive

I hate that a big part of being an outpatient provider is knowing insurance loopholes. I didn’t go to school for this shit man

me: i need this treatment my doctor: he needs this treatment the anonymous doctor who lost his license for fondling unconscious patients that anthem decided to hire for prior authorization reviews: erm, methinks not

The whole point of democracy is so one person's derangement does not become everybody's problem. It's social hygiene. The fact the richest men in the West are a mix of grotty twelve year olds and deranged apocalypse fanatics is a problem, and we should be honest about it.

One of my least rational beliefs is that if you pull off a heist without hurting anyone or getting caught within a day, that's your stuff fair and square.

Sorry but this is the funniest headline I will read all year

I find it interesting that everybody assumes every woman over the age of about 30 they see a picture of on a protest is a liberal winemom or whatever.

The British spelling of diarrhoea is so much grosser than the already stupidly spelled American diarrhea. Get that "o" out of there man.

Reminder that Washington D.C. (over 700,000 peeps) pay taxes but STILL have no corresponding vote in Congress. Also, peeps in Puerto Rico, Guam, U.S. Virgin Islands, Northern Mariana Islands, & American Samoa, pay some U.S. taxes and similarly have no representation. #notaxationwithoutrepresentation

It’s so funny that for the past week republicans have all been like “the only people out there are gonna be Hamas.” Everyone in this crowd is signed up for Kohl’s rewards points.

somewhere in portland, there's one person, or a small handful of people, who came up with the inflatable costume idea, and I feel like they deserve our immense respect for defining the obvious developing aesthetic of the contemporary battle against fascism

all these people protesting today in groups of a few dozen on the main streets of small towns in deep red Trump country - where they will absolutely take shit from their neighbors about it at church tomorrow or at work on Monday or next time they go to the grocery store - are braver than the Marines

I will always fuck with the old guy holding an American flag and that Thomas Paine quote over some smug yuppie with a “I’d rather be at brunch” sign tbh

i am so owned by the overton window shifting over to some of my personally held positions please, please keep owning me, please I don't know if I'll be able to take it

I don’t know, as someone who’s been in many kinds of protests in 16 years, I’ve never seen so many normie older people looking ready to fight ICE singlehandedly as I did at No Kings Boston. Without doubt, the vibe has shifted, and I don’t think it’s going back.

notice the general mood of the timeline? how everyone is in a good mood and there’s a lot less misery and dooming? how there’s a lot of “we’re going to beat these assholes”? anyway that’s why these events are important

“well it’s only good if people actually put in the work in between these events” yeah and how do you think they get the motivation to do that? sitting around and posting on the internet all day about how much everything sucks doesn’t seem to be very effective

MSNBC captured the crowd from the Boston "No Kings" rally:

your analysis of this political moment is going to fail if you keep using reductionist labels like "wine mom". first of all, there are dozens of factions just within that one term, from whiskey women to chardonnay chicas, and understanding their unique informal coalitions can take decades of study

My boss: so how's our fourth quarter looking? Me, the sales manager at the company that makes inflatable frog suits: well, you're never going to believe this, but

Normie protests are good. Mobilize the normies. Radicalize the normies

"i dont want to eat a kebab, i want fish and chips" well sorry little buddy but we're at the kebab shop and you're twelve

Honestly, using official government accounts to try and troll people online makes me feel like donning multiple bowties. Grow up

just go to the protests take whatever precautions you personally feel comfortable with but these are massive, joyful events, go and have fun

As this country crumbles, Indigenous rights and sovereignty are going to come to the forefront, as well as States Rights. Be prepared to advocate for Native tribes and people. We are the front line and we hold the answers to lead a new way.

[guy who invented the term “leafpeeping” on his first time looking at fall foliage] okay, first of all, this needs to sound much more perverted

i am well and truly fucked

if you're bad at driving you should be honest with yourself about it and not do it

women will be like “date night with this handsome guy 💕” and it’s just ghost turnip