Honestly, America doesn’t deserve a birthday party this year.

Telling a woman to get back in the kitchen is such a weird insult to lob. We can still tweet from kitchens. We have WIFI & data plans.

“But, as you see, it's a beautiful day, the Strait of Hormuz is open and people are having a wonderful time.”

Maybe I should have helped attack the capitol so I can afford groceries.

Do people mad about the odyssey casting know about bible characters being cast as vegetables

Reporting is not treason. Expressing an opinion on social media is not treason. But attempting to overthrow the U.S. government or actively aiding its enemies, like say compensating the criminals who tried to overthrow the U.S. government, sure seems like treason.

They say the worst thing you can be is cruel, but I think the worst thing you can be is sticky

When I first heard about Rudy Giuliani, I was absolutely devastated that someone thought I cared enough to receive such news.

On the list of best American presidents, Trump is ranked 8,647th.

Freezing cold NO KINGS in Morristown, NJ. Democracy showed up!

Republicans are in charge of the Senate. Republicans are in charge of the House. Republicans are in charge of the Presidency. Republicans are in charge of the Supreme Court. Republicans are to blame for everything.

Quick note for evangelicals: war in the Middle East doesn't trigger the second coming. Jesus isn’t Beetlejuice.

It's true. You can be a war criminal AND a pedophile at the same time.

American soldiers are being killed because the president doesn’t want you to know that he raped little children for decades. And if I’m wrong, sue me, asshole.

You know who’s worse than Trump? Every last motherfucker that’s enabling and empowering him. Traitors all.

That time someone said, "Oh you're one of those science is right idiots" to me and I just knew in their head they were actually using "your" and not "you're".

The President of Puerto Rico is a pedophile.

*sets alarm for 2027

i don’t want to sound like a bitch but fuck this

Today would be the perfect day for Greenland to release the Epstein files.

drape me in moss and feed me to the soil

When Bari Weiss refers to her “North Star” I assume she’s talking about Trump’s butthole.

reducing my news exposure to yelling at passers by on the street “is he dead yet?”

It would be so cool if the United States Congress still existed.

If only there had been signs that a group of below average men who espouse misogynist views and are led by an adjudicated rapist would treat their female colleagues poorly.

sometimes i get all sentimental about the human race but then i talk to some of them and it’s like oh yeah right

We had more warnings about Trump than a drug commercial, yet 77 million Americans still voted for anal leakage.

Donald Trump is not a king. He’s not even really the president. by Stephen Miller

I don’t know who** needs to hear this, but it’s perfectly reasonable and not unhealthy to feel a sense of relief or schadenfreude when an objectively terrible person, who caused hate and harm, has died in the exact way they found acceptable for others to die. **I know exactly who. We all do.

"There is no amount of money, oil, or gold that is worth more than having bees, trees, and clean water"

I don't want to heal my inner child, I want to dispense venom from a stinger on an articulated tail

Fuck them all. There was martial law and activists showed up in Tiananmen Square. People must show up no matter what. Let’s not be cowards and say we’re too afraid of martial law to protest. Do not obey in advance!

I wish I had a cool nickname but I also hope nobody ever speaks to me again so yeah, it’s complicated.

I hope the coroner lets me keep one leg out of the body bag or I’ll never be able to R.I.P.

Always remember no matter how many followers you have you’re overrated

To be frank, I would need to change my name

Just faked a smile and threw my back out.