I love my two blackout drunk Minnesota sons

You’ve lost the plot as a presidential administration when Dr. Oz is on stage handwringing about the cost of balls

jesus fucking christ

The older I get, the more my politics mature from childish, naïve beliefs like "the world is complicated and leaders have to make hard decisions" to more serious, adult principles like "hurting people is bad and helping people is good."

This should be the biggest story in the country right now. The sitting US President was extorting state lawmakers from his own party by threatening to withhold public money if they didn’t gerrymander for him. I don’t know how else to say it…

NO ONE KICKS LIKE GASTON SPLITS THE STICKS LIKE GASTON NO ONE'S LEGS AS INCREDIBLY THICK AS GASTON

In some ways Johnson feels worse than even Trump and Vance, who are just a narcissistic criminal and a narcissistic striver, respectively. They may be awful people but they still feel human. Johnson feels like a walking representation of the uncanny valley, like a ski suit being operated by ants.

It's good—very good, and very important—that district courts keep issuing these 100-page rulings upholding the law. It must be incredibly dispiriting to see them overturned in a two-page, lawless, unsigned order, but please, keep them coming. They expose SCOTUS' corruption like nothing else.

PRESIDENT’S PHYSICIAN: He’ll probably be out cold for a while; this last episode of diarrhea was quite painful for him. STEPHEN MILLER: Hm. Is there any chance we can get him to say something incredibly racist at 3pm? PHYSICIAN: (pulling out a syringe filled w/ liquid Adderall) I love what I do.

New EPA Study Finds 98% Of U.S. Mop Water Fucking Nasty As Hell https://theonion.com/new-epa-study-finds-98-of-u-s-mop-water-fucking-nasty-1819771574/

I can't listen to the song without thinking of

“Jinglehorse” is such a great racial slur for a reindeer.

Rep. Ilhan Omar: "I hope he gets the help he needs. It sounds like he's trying to deflect from the failures that he's had as president ... he's fought to be the head of the pedophile protection party."

“It’s okay! Dart not poisonous. … Just showin’ my kid the ropes!”

no its bad

Yesterday, Trump defended the Saudi Crown Prince in the Oval Office. He said he had “nothing” to do with the murder of Jamal Khashoggi. But I reviewed a call while serving on Trump’s NSC that I believe would be of interest to the Khashoggi family and the American people. Release the transcript.

there was a good post about how every time Nuzzi hears a garbage disposal she thinks "I should call him" and I will continue to think more about that joke than I will about whatever that NYT article says

(living in a country where the most successful people are obscenely rich and shameless perverts and psychopaths) Time to teach my children to be honest and study hard in school

The attorney general and the FBI director, a manosphere podcaster bro, pulled into the situation room a member of Congress best known for getting kicked out of a Beetlejuice musical for drunkenly giving her date a handy, in order to pressure her about the president's child sex trafficking scandal.

i mean c’mon. the president’s best friend was the most notorious pedo in the country’s history who ran a massive child trafficking ring. every bit of circumstantial evidence we have says that trump was a participant. if this were a criminal trial we’d have enough evidence to compel a plea deal.

HE'S APPEALING TO THE SUPREME COURT OF THE UNITED STATES THAT HE BE ALLOWED TO STARVE AMERICANS

Every time I see a picture of JD Vance I'm reminded of the time @bransonreese.bsky.social described a Rude Tales NPC as "a shitty little guy with a face that sucks"

Fair proxies for the left in its entirety: - a person who says something goofy on social media - a person who shoots at a political figure - a theoretical person who does something goofy or bad Not a fair proxy for the right: - a GOP president who commands the loyalty of millions of Americans

There is something deeply broken about an economy that creates trillionaires while people get buried under the cost of living and 42 million go hungry. The ultra-rich should realize that my Billionaires Income Tax, aimed at ensuring they pay their fair share, represents the moderate path forward.

Rep. Yassamin Ansari has set up a table and this sign outside Speaker Johnson’s office.

“what radicalized you” idk paying attention

my pumkin he is everything

Why does everyone keep calling it “The Epstein Ballroom?” Please stop repeating “The Epstein Ballroom” because it is not called “The Epstein Ballroom!” Don’t tell the news that it’s called “The Epstein Ballroom” and please don’t repost this!!!!!

Many people are saying the Republicans shut down the government to bulldoze the White House without permission and build the Epstein ballroom.

It sounds like the Republicans should stop protecting Bill Clinton and release the Epstein files.

Took my mom out to lunch and she’s telling me about this amazing AI video she saw of a figure skater doing figure skating moves with a cat on her head and it’s taking all my willpower not to be like yeah that’s really fuckin stupid mom

It's kinda cool that Gary Larson is doing new cartoons because he picked up a digital tablet, taught himself how to use it, and it made him love drawing again. www.thefarside.com/new-stuff/

I wasn’t exaggerating it rules so hard

it is at least on brand that an ai trump is also too stupid to operate a mask properly

they're doing it purely for the love of misinforming

Ten years ago Friday, seven magic words changed college football forever. “𝙒𝙝𝙤𝙖, 𝙝𝙚 𝙝𝙖𝙨 𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙣𝙖𝙥!” http://dlvr.it/TNjvR6

Bro is eating Pac-Man's ass.

the actual story here, which the media never talks about, is that police in this country have become a discrete right-wing political operation. the story isn't about cops leaving (they're lying about that), it's about the police trying to exert influence over elections.

Nation’s Indigenous People Confirm They Don’t Need Special Holiday, Just Large Swaths Of Land Returned Immediately https://theonion.com/nation-s-indigenous-people-confirm-they-don-t-need-spec-1839033177/

remember that movie and book "The Secret" from like 20 years ago. I decided i believe that's real now

I’m not body shaming but I’m also honest this Texas boy is gonna roll through Portillo’s once and switch allegiances