She's a Wildflower Mmmkay
@southernmama.bsky.social
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Fluent in Sarcasm & Procrastination 🧡Safe Space🧡
My favorite part of Christmas time is not doing Elf on a Shelf and laughing at all the stressed out people who do.
almost 2 years ago
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She's a Wildflower Mmmkay
MF FairyPrincessSmoo
almost 2 years ago
*giggles while watching it dawn on you that this is as good as I’ll ever get*
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 💀
about 2 years ago
Men are from Mars, women are from a planet that probably smells nicer than Mars.
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She's a Wildflower Mmmkay
NosferaPru
almost 2 years ago
Them: if you could be any animal wha- Me: rotisserie chicken
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Giraud, but spookier
almost 2 years ago
Celebrating Thanksgivingween by dressing as a sexy turkey
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Jack
almost 2 years ago
I’m so pale I get moonburn. 🤯
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Granite Man
almost 2 years ago
My Boss: Are you with me so far? Me *nodding* : Yes. *Narrator: He had not, in fact, been with his Boss for some time.
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My 3 yr old was singing clap, clap, clap. 8: What did she just say!? Me: Clap? 8: OH, I thought she said the C word. Me: Wait, what other C word? 8: COCK
almost 2 years ago
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If YouTube could come up with a "That wasn't me, that was my kid. Please don't mess up my algorithm" button, that'd be great. Except for the asmr toy unboxing. That was me.
almost 2 years ago
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I will always love memes. It's like microdosing the news in a way that I can accept-through inappropriate and dark humor.
almost 2 years ago
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Match my effort. But for the love of God, please don't match my energy.
almost 2 years ago
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Pessimus Prime
almost 2 years ago
Jesus: Mum, where do babies come from? Joseph: Yeah Mary, where DO babies come from?
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I had a physical today and was covered in bruises and scratches. I was too scared to say I had insane sex all weekend so just in case, I prepared a whole hiking story explaining how I got hurt. My medical history includes asthma and obesity. Pretty sure she would've call me on my bullshit.
almost 2 years ago
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Penny :3
almost 2 years ago
My ears my choice!
add a skeleton here at some point
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I'm a good mom but sometimes I drop the phone on my kid's head.
almost 2 years ago
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What's stopping me from being happy? Me. Definitely me.
almost 2 years ago
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Roxi Horror 💀🌸
almost 2 years ago
ME: I want to talk to more people ALSO ME: If another person talks to me, I'm going to nap for 700 years
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I tried to stay away but there's so much stuff in my head that shouldn't be said out loud. So obviously it should be said here.
almost 2 years ago
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Did yall miss me?
almost 2 years ago
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My daughter said Why are you so much work?? And honestly I have the same question.
about 2 years ago
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle
about 2 years ago
I like to go to zen gardens and shout at things.
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Helleanor Rigby
about 2 years ago
No weirdos? Well aren't YOU boring.
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Cap’n Watsisname
about 2 years ago
Me: well, the baby doesn’t fall far from the tree Her: that’s not how it— [the bough breaks and a cradle lands on us]
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Here's muh face
about 2 years ago
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There are times when I can't wait to go to sleep at night because I know I'm going to dream of you. 🖤
about 2 years ago
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Mental Health in 2023 be like: Depressed? I got a meme for that.
about 2 years ago
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Trey
about 2 years ago
I put my hand upon your hip And then I steal yo queso dip
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I've taken more bathroom breaks at work in order to take inappropriate pics than I ever have to actually use the bathroom.
about 2 years ago
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Made it to work on time. Left all my stuff at home. Balance.
about 2 years ago
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cunt eatswood
about 2 years ago
look what you made me do (go feral)
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PieGuy
about 2 years ago
You can win any pillow fight with the help of a few D cell batteries
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This is for the teachers who are going back to work today.
about 2 years ago
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Ridge 🇨🇦
about 2 years ago
😎
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I'm bored. Not sure if it's the depression, ADHD, or if I've just seen all of the internet.
about 2 years ago
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Jin
about 2 years ago
Call me Mary Winchester the way I’m fighting these demons today
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My husband is hiding candy from me. Should I tase him or pepper spray him?
about 2 years ago
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These targeted ads are getting a little too real. Here's a few "suggestions" from Redbubble.
about 2 years ago
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Hell Ray-ser
about 2 years ago
GOD: You have probably 70-80 years at most before you die, ideally. MAN: oh. well, i'll make the most of- GOD: You'll be unconscious for 1/3 of the time. MAN: ..uh GOD: *leans in* That'll be your favorite part.
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LB Hunktears
about 2 years ago
billionaires have to go do heavy hallucinogens with shamans to get even a taste of the transcendent wisdom normal people get having a conversation in chairs that look like this
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Roxi Horror 💀🌸
about 2 years ago
Love is accepting someone for who they are. Love is knowing their faults & staying anyway. Love is not getting mad when you discover they are keeping opossums in the attic. Love is staying out of the attic unless you are feeding the opossums. Love is not calling animal control.
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The Hearse Whisperer
about 2 years ago
sorry I don't argue with people who were born after Windows XP released
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Katie
about 2 years ago
bee [receiving an award]: i am deeply bumbled
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The Blair Warren G. Harding Project
about 2 years ago
If she doesn’t boop your nose she’s not the one, bro
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Matty
about 2 years ago
Find someone who wants you as badly as ios wants to update
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