if you're on your own this valentine's day give yourself a treat by sending yourself some of your own nudes

[taking his dick out of my mouth] no honestly i am straight i just need to prove i can be good at it

sucking the fuck man for cum

Lmfao, reckon this happens a lot?

my family doesn't have much oral history, seems like my ancestors mostly did hand stuff and missionary

forgot the most important of the genre

i use this app pretty differently than most people. i look at a LOT of porn and then i shoot my self in the head with a gun

this is the kind of stuff men on here say when you post a picture of your perfect tits within 50 feet of a bookshelf

we do, and it’s wrong. “Pre” relegates precum to a subordinate status, always “less than.” It has its own story that deserves to be told

in honour of the great clown's passing here's my favourite story that Tom ever told about his time at École Philippe Gaulier

so many of the small indignities of daily life come from us being denied the ability to tell a rich man in a tech company to fuck off. minesweeper has microtransactions. paid services have ads. the opt out says maybe later. the drive thru is a broken chatbot. your car is an ipad. fuck off! fuck off!

if im being wheeled into the operating room and there's some fuckass AI scalpel gameboy in there you can go ahead and kill me normal style instead

twiddling my penis much as one would a thumb

my penis is displaying unexpected capabilities. my penis is exhibiting something called "emergent behavior"

Dear Employees, Here at the Dick Sucking Factory we believe that we're all a big family. That's why we in management are disturbed by the ongoing rumours about a "union". We strongly believe that such a measure is neither necessary, or indeed aligned with our company values.

a lot of videogames are really trying to exclude women with huge racks from representation now. it used to be that huge bazongas in games were just for men to ogle, but tbh as long as they are realistic and get something interesting to do us folks with the massive thrupnys would feel truly included

sorry but i am not going to harness my grief as a motivator to get hot or do any kind of self-improvement. i am going to drink some soju, make some bad decisions, and then get on with my life

boy are you into early Paul Thomas Anderson films bc I am a hard eight

every time i'm tempted to share AI content, even to mock it, I'm reminded of the human cost of the content moderation it's built on www.theguardian.com/global-devel...

pulling on the penis. popping it like a finger knuckle

genuinely criminal that i'm not making out with someone right now as the rain taps against the window

i don't bemoan being single all that much but damn the rain tonight is very sexy and it feels like i'm wasting it

finally resubbed to hear this one and it's everything i'd hoped. deranged. further proof that @lucyxiv.boontavista.com is secretly one of the funniest people in the world

i think I despise genAI because art is one of the things that has kept me alive and breathing and genAI is yet another way for capital to pervert art and stop us from connecting with each other

NZ Post should not be run "as a business". It's a fundamental public service and every issue you have had with it, or with courier delivery, in the past 30 years is down to governments sacrificing that public service for the sake of short term cashflow

Good evening Diaochan you fit courtesan. I hope you’ll be deceiving your warlord tonight baby, because I will be wielding my podao, when you get fuckin betrothed

Julie Andrews singing Chim Chim Cher-ee across multiple octaves accompanied by legendary composer Michel Legrand on piano. you're welcome

Good for him. Good for him. Good for. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good for. For. For. For him. Him. Him. Good him. Good him. Good for him.

Piggy…

the upside to Mum never throwing anything away is that i now have a little treasure trove of memorabilia from my theatre and film days

the upside to Mum never throwing anything away is that i now have a little treasure trove of memorabilia from my theatre and film days

hey folks, six figure opinion columnist here and gotta say, made a big ol’ whoopsie on the most consequential and honestly, probably the most obvious opinion of my life. thats my bad. anyway, guess I’ll just keep getting paid to give my opinion, thanks for reading

[Watching American violence that has long been supported, fortified and funded by Americans, coherent with the inherent violence embedded into American history and culture] fuck Russia and China for doing this

🎵Mr Sandman Bring me some sand Make me lick up all that grit from your hand🎵

paradoxically, the minute you accept a job as a pundit, you become unqualified for it. this is because punditry belongs in dive bars and union meetings and the like. the only good pundit is some mouthy fuck with nothing to lose

ok but if i give you a mouth and all you do is scream im taking the mouth back

digging up some old memories while sorting through the garage

Been thinking about this for a long time - if I owned a Pizza restaurant I’d Call it PizTsar and I’d force my employees to refer to themselves as the Doughletariat. That way when I prevent them from unionising I can say it was just a bit

i’m ready to say it. bonzi buddy did nothing wrong

this is genuinely incredible

trying to convince a guy to wear a condom. call that a wrap battle

Exhausting and enraging what Nicole has uncovered here

$8 = $5

Oh to be a little Tardigrade walking across a microscope slide. 🫧🐻🧪

If the Spice Girls taught us anything it was that 40% of women are named Mel.

sexting me:

*taking thirst traps* i think the haunted sadness in my eyes is good actually and not unnerving at all

posting about jizz again. nature is healing.