thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Dear Santa, Tattoo(s) Sincerely, Brüchmann

BREAKING: WATCH the full 60 Minutes CECOT segment here. This was sent to me anonymously. It appears to be the segment CBS' Bari Weiss killed. www.muellershewrote.com/p/watch-the-...

You've been kidnapped. The characters from the last TV show you watched are trying to rescue you. Who's coming to save you?

Why do we need documents released to believe all of those victims?

We should not move on from quiet piggy. We should fry him for that alone

I love how a dog will let you cry into their fur and not require any explanation for it. ♥️

The simple, quiet romance of “Do you want to listen to this album with me?”

*a letter from the front lines of the War on Christmas* Dear Mother, Cold is bearable. We have greeting cards to burn from a recent raid on a drugstore. A soldier from our squad was heard to hum a bar of “O Tannenbaum.” He claimed it was an accident. He was shot as a spy. We can’t be too careful.

Sunday morning #CoffeeAndVinyl. “A Charlie Brown Christmas” Vince Guaraldi Trio

Remember in February when the DOJ released “Phase 1” of the Epstein Files to influencers like it was a concert lineup? Remember in July when I said that the Left doesn’t fear the release of the full report but that we would never see it (properly redacted) anyway? youtube.com/shorts/v4HjT...

SHE SAID YES! I asked her if I was bothering her.

Hopefully, sooner.

Call me when you get to hell. #art

Guys. Someone drank all my beer.

Push your chair in, you knob. People are trying to walk through here.

Reverse cowgirl so she won't see me eating a turkey leg.

I love my two blackout drunk Minnesota sons

It’s still the Gulf of Mexico. It’s still the Department of Defense. And it’s still the Kennedy Center. And they will remain as such long after that orange fucking idiot is gone.

My latest #GreatWhiteBeast episode is live! Does it feel like accidental ASMR to you? HOLD FAST Garage Episode 47: "Paint and Grease" youtu.be/nQ1SIotbm90

New Illustration: "We Beat 'Em Before..." Taken from a British WW2 poster, the original features a WW1 German soldier at the top. I just swapped it for the Nazi soldier it had at the bottom.

We are so cooked.

repeat after me :

Does the President know that he doesn’t need to shout into the microphone?

reach out and touch cake

Pancakes are fine. I guess.

I’m a single issue voter and my issue is that those busses that bend in the middle should make accordion noises

Dig through the ditches and burn through the witches I slam in the back of-

It would help me, spiritually, to have a president who isn’t a piece of shit

Need soup to cool down quickly? Impossible! Too hot forever. RIP tongue. Need soup to stay warm awhile? Impossible! Soup is already cold. You are too late.

Can’t. I’m in a very important meeting*. *microwaving a burrito in the break room

"so i asked AI.." so i stopped listening to you

SpaceX should build Air force 1

It’s ten days to Christmas and today we started migrating our office network to a higher security system or some shit. It’s going really well, if you’re wondering. /s/

Of course I love you babe. I got your license plate number tattooed on my lower back so you know it’s real.

I was going to buy myself a Christmas present but then I looked how much I’ve spent on my project car in the last three weeks.

"i can't explain trans people to my child!!" oh so you're stupid AND bigoted? pick a struggle bitch

what a horrible weekend

Tattoo therapy should be covered by heath insurance

get in, no time to explain

I was hanging out the passenger side of my best friend's ride trying to holler at you, please respond

Posting hands on main because I’m feeling generous.

Stop healing. Go insane. Curse villages.

It is just an honest mistake... *Gestures at the universe

Our fancy dress up company holiday party is in 18 hours. Have I picked out my clothes yet? No. Am I still wrenching on the ‘75 with my Dad? Yes. Will I still have dirt under my fingernails when I get to the party? Probably.

Pete Hegseth would be a war criminal if we were at war. But we’re not. So he’s just a murderer. youtu.be/ti1xZjP3ff8?...

I have collected tens of likes on Bluesky so maybe watch your tone with me