ok water calm down

Imagine a more porny name than Hershey Hackberry. I dare you.

It was just two seconds ago that I didn't know I needed a Phantasm Christmas ornament.

Birds of prey are all eating with their feet. And I can't help but think that's kind of gross.

grimly fascinating how trump is chiefly animated by his fear of dying without leaving a lasting mark, but he's so devoid of humanity, so spiritually corroded, the idea of something that lasts because people WANT IT TO never crosses his mind. he can only imagine leaving a wreckage too heavy to move

[walking into late arrivers club] I’m here for a wrong time not a good time

all my haters from mime school are awfully quiet right now

I don't know what everyone's complaining about. Just go to settings > features > worms, then change the "worms pouring out of my phone" toggle from "yes" to "maybe later"

Welp there’s no unseeing this

by Jeff Stanford, 2023

“If the person is a U.S. citizen or otherwise lawfully in the United States, that individual will be free to go after the brief encounter.” Justice Brett Kavanaugh www.supremecourt.gov/opinions/24p...

Happy Pride Month. If you're a gay man, please remember your power. People often think that gay men are innately fashionable, which means if you wear some stupid shit for long enough, straight people, including homophobes, will copy you and then you can laugh at them.

I feel seen

Oh, you can't write a 5-page book report without AI? I fucking wrote 5-page book reports without having read the goddamn book. Get your finger out of your ass.

Imagine being so unable to love your child that you set fire to the whole damn world instead.

Oslo Pride video 🥹 🏳️‍🌈 #Pride #LoveIsLove

Vermeer’s Girl With The Pearl Earring will be shown in Osaka, later this year, and the press conference was as Japanese as you’d expect #Vermeer

imagine this fuckin weirdos browser history lol

i just flew in from handjob island and boy are my arms tired

i hope this email finds you wielding a giant sword

His son should have told him he'd get a trophy.

During lockdown, a buddy that owns a local venue decided to use the time for major upgrades. His cousin, who is a Broadway set builder came in to do the job. I lent a hand here and there. Dude looked like a biker, was fun to be around, and had deep building knowledge. True worker.

In 1952, Richard Nixon's career was nearly derailed by revelations that he had access to a slush fund of $18,000 -- less than a quarter million today." People used to give a shit about that kind of thing, you see.

POINT: getting worked up over the race of fictional/mythological characters is something only an idiot would do COUNTERPOINT: i still haven’t forgiven Michael Bay for making Optimus Prime a long-nose Peterbilt 379 instead of a cab-over Freightliner

I feel like a nap of this caliber could fix me.

[Johnson's formulating adult shampoo] no. let them cry.

Inventor of the waffle cone: here, enjoy a delicious cookie with your ice-cream Inventor of the "cake" cone: eat this Styrofoam cup you piece of shit

Pro tip: this also applies to sour cream.

do any religious texts mention golden idols anywhere

Rep. Justin Jones burning a Confederate flag during the special session on Tennessee redistricting Jones: “It’s a form of Jim Crow terror — this is about race. This is about power. This is about silencing communities that have historically been excluded”

They go fast when they want to go fast and slow when they want to go to slow and the decision is *always* an ideological one.

Anyone know of a good cryptkeeper? I was suspicious of mine after so little work was getting done so i set up a hidden camera and half the time he's just sitting there telling stories

I know people that can speak French. I know people that can speak German, Spanish, Greek. Lots of languages. But for some reason, the people that can speak French always find a way to make sure everyone knows it.

One of my college roommates and close friends lived right outside of Ishpeming (Negaunee). He got married in Marquette, overlooking the Ore Dock. If you ever get a chance, visit the Les Cheneaux islands. Beautiful area, and the have an amazing wooden boat festival every year.

Dont think too hard. Top ten songs of all time for you. Voodoo Child -Hendrix Naive Melody - Talking Heads Time - Tom Waits Spacegrass - Clutch Los Ageless - St Vincent Ooh la la - Run the Jewels Moving in Stereo - The Cars Sour Times - Portishead Planet Claire - B52s Hot 4 Teacher - Van Hallen

You really cannot overestimate the level of status trauma a lot of white Americans experienced at the election of Barack Obama and how much of our politics is still influenced by it bsky.app/profile/beau...

what if we kissed in the King Kong nipple slide

So many people out there need a hug and a forehead kiss and an old abandoned lighthouse where they can slowly give what's left of their sanity over to the sea gods and fall madly in love with an albatross or whatever you're into

the autopsy results came back, cause of death was 2000 kicks to the penis

You could pay me to watch the new Michael Jackson biopic. But you most likely can't afford the amount of money I'm going to want.

“Lethal kinetic strike” being the administration’s preferred euphemism for murder.

There's a lot of people celebrating this dude's death. And I don't want to rain on that parade. However, he made it to 75. Those elephants showed up pretty late to the party.

It's hilarious to me that there's a "Pro" model of the iphone. Totally asinine. Look bro, I use my phone at a professional level, so obviously I need the most expensive one money can buy. You wouldn't understand. Do you even know how to phone?

Wonderful scene. Not a smartphone in sight. Just a matador lad with a horn right up his hoop, living in the moment.

The richest man owns X. The second and fourth richest men control Google. The third richest man owns The Washington Post. The fifth richest man owns Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp. And now the sixth richest could soon take over both Paramount and Warner Bros. See the problem here?

You can’t call insurance CEO’s “murderers”, okay? They don’t murder people. Instead they merely prop up and administer a complex rube Goldberg structure that grinds living human beings into a fine slurry. They do this for financial profit. That’s not murder. That’s not murder.

8 should be a bigger number than 9. its got more going on

I’ve got a lot of sympathy for zombies because how many times have you been resting only to have to get up and do some stupid shit

Oh come on @theguardian.com, no need to over analyze this. It's about one thing: the Pope criticized him. There's nothing deeper or religious about it. www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026...