I don't need an ID card. I need the NHS to work.

Creating a wanking database to stop The Forrins? Is Tonty Blair behind this?

Had an informal at work since I’ve been off due to The Mentals and genuinely forgot I’ve got fake cancer while I was listing my Agonies.

Digital ID is it, Keir?

I firmly oppose the government’s plans for compulsory digital ID cards. This is an affront to our civil liberties, and will make the lives of minorities even more difficult and dangerous. It is excessive state interference — and must be resisted.

Really hoping that All Of The UK is select theaters.

A very big Onion announcement: The Onion has spent the last two months working on a masterpiece. It's a documentary titled Jeffrey Epstein: Bad Pedophile. It's so good, in fact, we were set to release it in theatres nationwide on October 2nd. Then two weeks ago, Charlie Kirk was shot.

Not now, next big financial crisis.

A goosestep too far

Epic dance remix in 5… 4… 3…

still play this in my head at least once a day

You simply cannot make me spend my time on this stuff. Oh the president said Tylenol causes autism? Well it doesn't. No I'm not going to pore through research papers to prove it to you. That's not what my time is for. My time is for playing videogames and gazing lovingly at my wife.

Every name draws a more confused “wuh?!” from my brain.

This remarkable therapy uses an approach the Trump administration just cancelled funding for.

“An emotional research team became tearful as they described how data shows the disease was slowed by 75% in patients.” What an absolutely incredible, joyous achievement for everyone involved. Hurrah for science and scientists! www.bbc.com/news/article...

Feeling like there's a lot of dead canaries of late.

servers are slammed rn which makes sense cuz it's launch day and it's early on the west coast (where the servers are) but they're doing staged rollout so keep queuing and have faith!! 🙏🕊️

Jimmy Kimmel is uncancelled! Tylenol is cancelled! Also we're celebrating bisexual day by inventing new genders to be cancelled. LIVE NOW twitch.tv/theserfstv

Happy #Bisibility Day to those who celebrate. 💙💜❤️

It literally has boundaries.

“It could be because autistic people tend to have big, beautiful eyes, an air of mystique and a fathomless, unknowable heart… Oh. Oh, God. Er, excuse me for a minute.”

And today's main story once again...

Anti-autism campaigner, Karen Hoyland, 40, commented: “I love my child but I hate his autism. The other day I came home to find him lining up his guns, instead of playing with them like a normal kid.”

This SmartCar that has developed warning stripes to keep predators at bay

Everyone meet my new roommates Peter and Ghostface Killah.

Even now, this is so many people's response to politicians saying 'I am going to do an evil and illegal thing'

"This is categorically false," a representative for Fleetwood Mac tells Rolling Stone" archive.is/2025.09.21-0...

Pray harder.

Stiff sentence etc

When serious politics meets a performative politician

Reminded me of this. 😂

Your favourite comedian’s rider

Bought a Lafufu because I am a grown woman with my own grown money, but not much of it. Immediately worth it to send my wife this unhinged nonsense.

Florence May Sukilee Fuckwell England, Wiltshire, Church Records, 1518-1990

extremely conservative christian cafe opens with a “this is home” mural the “e” is also their logo, it is on everything

🎵🎶A scroad is a guy who thinks he's fly And is also part of a hate group🎶🎵

Just mixed my methylphenidate up with my mirtazipine so I guess we’re doing uppers AND downers for bedtime, as a treat.

Any time I see the exCunt (this cunt has ceased to be.), I am reminded of the “stop fuking around with my face” meme

Hey man, what

If you don’t already, please follow Robert Evans. Honestly one of the few voices in American journalism who speaks any goddamn sense.

Just read the indictment. Gonna guess this is the most detail we get about why this happened. Presuming these messages weren't some sort of misdirect, he hated Charlie Kirk because Kirk was hateful. Honestly doesn't sound like he had a super clear idea why he inscribed the memes on his bullets.

The last time I was in the gym I had a rubdown horr-[sniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip]

Your mum.

Luigi wins by doing absolutely nothing