just watched the first episode of attack on titan with bf because he's a weeb and wants to show me "the best anime" and y'know what? it's actually pretty fuckin good

if you have a dog or especially a cat that you're feeding a vegan diet then you're not only dumb as fuck but also neglectful, and I feel like I shouldn't have to say this

holy fuck work was insane tonight I had to literally lift and throw out a chick. thank god she weighed 100lbs soaking wet with cookies in her pockets

okay so I have stancil blocked but like. if you "don't want a profile written about you" why would you spend a great deal of time detailing your life and experiences to a journalist followed by posing for photos for said profile dude is a clout fiend. he wanted it

so we paid the tariffs and now the corporations that passed the costs on to me and you are the ones that are going to be reimbursed, do i have that correct

mfs will spend $80-100/g for 0.2 of cocaine and 0.8 of crushed up baby aspirin then act like they're better than meth users while they rail it off a public toilet tank that hasn't been cleaned in 2 months

Someone a decade+ younger than I asked me if I saw the Matrix in theaters and how cool that must have been

all of my selfies are slightly soft focused because I got spray paint on my front facing camera lens 😎

goddammit I just went to dm an old mutual because I heard his username read out on a podcast earlier today, only to notice he unfollowed me well fine, I'm not even gonna tell you then

hey so do any other autistic lotr nerds think that when aragorn says "you cannot wield it" at the council of elrond, he sounds kinda like kermit the frog? and then every time you have this thought (which is every time you watch lotr), it makes you want them to do a 3 part muppets lotr?

after the last few years I don't think women should fight for equality anymore. it should definitely be more like bare knuckle boxing, for revenge

I can't believe I went 36 years without having cats. what a stupid way to live your life

"you'd be dead without men to defend you" bitch from what, tigers

just kissed my bf goodbye and said "love you princess" because I forgot I wasn't talking to the dog

holy fuck I'm at the bar and I hate it when my male partner has a buddy, and that buddy has a wife, and we're supposed to hang out because of our shared interests (having a vagina) but she wants to tell me everything her children have done since birth and I'm like. I would like to get drunk please

the president: [watching what is obviously "escape from la"] disgusting, blue cities are in disrepair. you say this was this afternoon? vice president: [visibly sweating] yes sir, in los angeles, this afternoon president: [sweating for other reasons] send in the national guard

every British historian rn frantically trying to find examples of British royals being arrested that don’t end with their execution

The standard curling tournament takes 38 years to complete.

hot damn, I actually made $80 in tips during a snowstorm 😎

at work on a weds night after a several hours long snowstorm and before another one, and shockingly there are 3 people in the bar

good morning from miss gooserton

it's fun when you see a mutual post some music they're super into but you've never heard of, and decide to give it a try because you're kinda stoned and why not and it's so experimental and loud and confusing that it gives you a little panic attack but in a way where you kinda wanna do it again

fuck yes doing a clothing swap at the end of the month and there's a singular trans woman going who's got the same size feet as me and I am absolutely going to load her up with fancy shoes for every occasion

my kitchen is filthy and I don't have the wherewithal to clean it currently so we're eating garlic bread pizza for dinner 😎 fuck yeah prepackaged garlic bread with sauce, cheese, and pepperoni 👍

I keep seeing people say "highest % of abuse happens in lesbian relationships" this is incorrect they did the study on people throughout all the relationships in their lives, not just their current one. a lesbian relationship just means there are 2 women's lifetime stats per lesbian relationship

I'm so stoned I just couldn't find my vagina with my hands to take my cup out. it was like a solid wall of flesh from clit to taint and for a second I panicked and thought it closed up

did a full face for vday. we preordered an obscene amount of indian food, bf picked up some mushrooms, and we're gonna eat dinner At The Table because it's a special occasion

dressing up and doing my makeup for the same base reason as my foremothers (to distract myself from eating and because I'm on drugs)

I just described myself as (paraphrasing) "a single step above trailer trash socially" but then I thought honestly about my life and finances and education for a second, and deleted it. it was untrue. a lot of those people own their trailers. a guy just lets me live in his house for like $300/month

good afternoon from oliver

It’s so funny to think about the fact that there’s people out there deferring every life decision to this

did my nails bitches

happy valentine's day loves ❤️

I need a bestie who likes plucking other people's ingrown pubes, but doesn't like make it weird