Gregor Samsa gets a round of Guinness in. (Photo by Alex Wild).

They tell me I’m uncultured, but I’ll always recognise a bit of Beethoven.

I’ve always loved this 😆

Normalise having one drawer of your freezer that is literally just loose peas. ‘Oh that? That’s my pea drawer.’

Hydration break

It’s not “Dr Who” it’s The Democratic Republic of Who

Hydration break

Tuesday

Dixon telling Kane where he should’ve aimed that shot. Like Dick van Dyke telling Fred Dibnah about chimneys.

This England v Panama game is a right snooze fest 😴 ITV coverage not exactly helping 🥱

HYDRANGEA BREAK

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More than anything right now, I wish to experience the sweet, cooling relief of being tossed into a chest freezer by an errant emu.

Had to! "So we sailed on to the sun 'Til we found a sea of green" 🎵🎼🎶

This made me laugh out loud 😭

If only dedicated scientists had published 1000s of papers in respected, peer-reviewed journals that warned us that anthropogenic carbon was increasing the likelihood of killer heating like this!

"Purchases from a high-end cookware brand were among the red flags which alerted police to Peter Murrell’s long-running embezzlement of the SNP’s funds." [runs in panting] INSPECTOR LE CREUSET

Fucking hell 😂

World Cup might be the closest thing we’ll get to world peace

me, walking into the British museum

Hi, my name is Ozymandias, King of Kings. Please select all images with MY WORKS and click "Despair" to continue.

Everyone shut up I finally got a video of Jyn doing her cartoon snoring thing

Stag Beetle in the garden *alert*

Tomorrow is the 10th Anniversary of that awful skid-mark Brexit - I shall have a word and try to contain myself 🙄#Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

I don't get Monday fear anymore. I'm a grown up and understand things more, so I'm terrified of every single day instead.

It appears my countrymen have arrived in the Americas and culturally appropriated a statue of George Washington.

Top toms at the market too!

Top haul in the charidee shops today🎉

In the depths of polar winter, our Antarctic teams have been quietly preparing for World Cup glory. England and Scotland – the reinforcements are ready ⚽ Far from home. With you in spirit. Good luck from the bottom of the world! #FifaWorldCup2026 #Antarctica

There's probably never been a better time to remind you that when David Hockney first took his Mum to California she remarked 'all this lovely weather and nobody puts their washing out'.

Rather splendid night seeing Kraftwerk yesterday

Nigel Farage Listens to the News

"Look, we don't know what that small child had done to provoke the beloved robot"

Going to see the Mighty Kraftwerk on Friday night at the Albert Hall 🙏👌 🎉🫡 🤖🤖🤖🤖

it’s a shame birds can’t read this, due to going blind from all the wanking

I cannot recommend hedge cutting with a bit of gout #OohAhh

Look, plantar fascitis sucks but I think this guy has bigger issues going on

Oof penalties 🤪

Lately I’ve been in an indie team making stop-motion animation. It’s just 4 of us (animator, writer, voice actor, sound designer). The show’s called The Tiny Angry Witch. It’s all basically hand made. No AI. It’s tiring, but we love what we do. So, anyway, here’s a Witch making rude noises:

“Well, that cat’s doing it again—keeping that poor thing alive just to play with it awhile.”

It's all kicking off in Canterbury.

The last of the greats - such a wonderful player #SonnyRollins

Jesus Christ

Aww Bob 85 years Forever Young