How to make pancakes the british way: Step 1: remember it's pancake day Step 2: work all day because you are a cog in the capitalism nightmare machine Step 3: Too tired to make pancakes Step 4: no pancakes for you

I'm convinced AI is our generation's radium - a discovery with genuinely useful applications in specific, controlled circumstances that we stupidly put in everything from kid's toys to toothpaste until we realised the harm far too late where future generations will ask if we were out of our minds.

“I’m mad I can’t understand Bad Bunny’s lyrics because they’re not in English” my brother millions of metalheads around the world have been happily listening to incomprehensible Finnish shrieks and Japanese death grunts since we were teens, you’re just boring and racist

Macbeth: SHIT

Your definitive guide to the sports of the Winter Olympics

"good morning. i am here today to discuss how me losing my mind is everyone elses fault and how being chronically online to the point where your brain explodes is pretty sweet actually"

301

Can confirm that being a journalist is occasionally very sick indeed.

Three people are fucking furious about this right now

how far is Davos from Dignitas

roomba accidentally saw outside

Blue Monday was a fun marketing gimmick until every single day became a depressing nightmare prison for anyone with a conscious or a brain.

So bluesky is the old twitter retirement home then? A bunch of people who used to enjoy twitter before the nazis and now spend all of their time talking about the good old days but also the nazis.

Reform is just 300 tories in a trenchcoat

One word. Muppets.

Day 3667 of logging on every day to only see horrors: The horrors continue

I Photoshop Paddington into a movie, TV show, or pop culture until I forget: Day 1765

Think it's about time we replace the words 'Breaking News' with 'You're going to want to have a little sit down for this one'

Why would I spend $75 on a perfume to smell like Donald Trump when I could just piss myself in a McDonald's for free.

If you ask me it's a pretty fucking weird country where speaking up against genocide is punished but supporting genocide is celebrated but that's just me idk

Elon Musk had to buy a website and a presidency to get people to talk to him. Jeff Bezos had to invite 200 famous strangers to his wedding. If you can go down to the pub with a few mates for a bit you are definitely winning here.

dude this party is such an echo chamber. it's just friends hanging out and chilling and having a good time. you need to invite some people over who want to kill you with hammers

It's definitely time to stop using 'Breaking news' and replace it with 'Fucking hell what now'

You may think you're not very good at your job but you probably didn't buy an election, buy yourself a job in government, did so badly that everyone on the internet bullied you and then got fired in 3 months so give yourself a break.

Sounds good let it die. AI is theft and laziness disguised as innovation.

Not sure about you but if I were JD Vance and managed to bore the pope to death with one conversation I'd probably start re-evaluating some things.

You can't even be a ketamine addled eugenics obsessed Nazi anymore damn the woke mind virus

Spotted in Paris

We have to live in this ridiculous nightmare future where the villains are in charge, people can live stream war crimes and bigotry is on the rise again of course everyone is depressed.

"What's your #WorldBookDay costume?" "Hemingway" "You're just drunk at 10am" "correct"

JD vance and Donald Trump prepare to meet President Zelensky (2025)

Ah yes the bananas person did another bananas thing. The bananas person elected by bananas people whose whole thing was 'I'm bananas' and now people are surprised that he's absolutely bananas.

Roses are red Violets are plants The apathy towards rising levels of fascism and nationalism within our society means there’s no longer any time for romance

Was chatting to a woman I don't know in the work lift today about dogs (no idea how it started but never mind) and as she left the left she said "Have a good boy" and as the lift doors closed I heard her say "what is wrong with me" so my thoughts are with her today.

Almost like it's completely unethical to use someone else's work to create something that only benefits you hey

OpenAI: China stole our tech!! Luddites: Oh weird how'd you make your tech in the first place OpenAI: 😡

January started 8 months ago. We have all lived through decades of trauma already this year. Everyone is tired. Everyone needs a holiday. Everyone is broke. Everyone needs a little nap. Help.

Four minutes into the new presidency and the richest man in the world is doing a nazi salute on global TV but don't worry the real problem is pronouns

If I didn't want people to keep calling me a nazi I would stop doing nazi things

If you don’t fancy watching the Inauguration tonight we are showing 24 hours in police custody at the same time which we aren’t saying is connected in any way shape or form…

You: "Blue Monday is the most depressing day of the year" Me, an intellectual: "Every day of the year is a nightmare as we are currently living in the hellscape timeline and to say one day is worse than the others means you haven't been paying attention for the last decade"

Mark Zuckerberg says companies need more 'Masculine energy' so at 8pm tonight we will be playing a massive dad sneeze instead of an advert break.

We don't want more AI. We want things to be reasonably priced and to be able to put the heating on without bankrupting ourselves, not computers that use so much energy they cause natural disasters making fake videos of natural disasters.

The only reason I ever hear about the Joe Rogan podcast is when rich people say incredibly stupid shit like "the sea is a lie" or "women can't walk up stairs" and the replies underneath are all men named Brunt saying "Yes this is what they are hiding from us thank you also fascism is good"

After Meta announced they are getting rid of fact checkers, we drove to Meta HQ with our thoughts…

Tom from MySpace is currently laughing his arse off in a pool full of money whilst we all bounce around from social platform to social platform like attention craved ping pong balls all because billionaires want to cosplay as fisher price dictators.