I think there can be no greater indicator of how BBC bias is routinely perceived and complained of than the fact that both sides will be claiming the resignation of Tim Davie as a win

What is your biggest musical blindspot for someone precisely your age? For me - an elder millennial - it is that I have never knowingly listened to INCUBUS, nor could I name even one of their songs if you put a gun to my head.

Last night, instead of an encore, Laurie came back out and talked about tai chi and how it was important to her and Lou towards the end of his life. Then, she lead the entire Roundhouse in a form. I will now be beginning sentences with, ‘Yeah back when Laurie Anderson taught me Tai Chi…’

Had a lovely time seeing Laurie Anderson tonight but was also delighted to capture examples of the three core types of photobomb:

My friend of 39 years came over today and helped me conquer a floor

Me and an actual carpenter are going to teach a class today. Vibes:

Forgot to take all my meds and am now raw-dogging another early morning commute to Guildford. Maintaining morale by sitting in first class and repeatedly farting bad ones like an absolute terrorist.

I am giving notice that any memes detailing the ages of classic sitcom characters, their respective birthdays if said show had started this year or any other ‘fuck can you believe how old we are and that time exists!’ style posting, will land you on my list of ‘people that will get it one day!’

Long live terrestrial, linear TV. Tonight would have been shite and, quite frankly, impossible without it. #TheCelebrityTraitors #CelebrityTraitors

Look how fit this is!

Shout out to all you heroes, replying ‘really?’ (in a tone of earnest concern) to people who announce, “God I’m just SO tired!”

Ah…close! But no cigar!

This remains an excellent joke:

TIL that if you pick up the Dyson, it pulls open the vacuum seal a bit. When this happens, it omits a high-pitched yelp that is SO similar to the one my late dog would make (if you, say, accidentally stood on his toe) that I reflexively said, ‘Ooh! Sorry baby!’ Had to stop and have a lil’ sigh.

Like all great entrepreneurs - Old Testament God was a maverick. It was all big swings and fucking shit up. The New Testament teaches us the pressures of running a larger operation and someone gets sent from head office to inform everyone of Gods shift in management style from stick to carrot.

*clearing my throat meaningfully at Labour*

It’s oft commented that Instagram gives a distorted view of other people’s happiness. That it over-accentuates wealth, success and leisure. For me, though, I just think; Why is there a pig in their house? How did the cow get in? Are you even allowed to own fruit bats!? WHO HAS A HOUSE BADGER!?

Obvs this is 🫰🏻🫰🏻🫰🏻 but… …as the father and main caregiver of two small children, I would genuinely love to know how one does this.

I’d describe my experience of having a body, so far, as ‘mixed’

…oh crumbs

In the great tradition of out of work actors of a certain age, I have taken a job as a carpenter. I will now be accepting offers to play a rakish space-pirate in a generation defining motion picture of some sort. Anyway, here’s my workshop.

We love you #Batman

From my limited experience, I really don’t think it’s a smart move to attempt to coerce New York by threatening to mug it.

As if it were possible to love Kyle MacLachlan more…

We’re kind of into late 90’s/early 00’s critical revisionism these days. ‘The Mummy’ is great, actually. ‘Van Helsing’ is great, actually. ‘The Goddamn, mother fucking prequel trilogy’ is great, actually. Do you know what’s ACTUALLY great? This! This fucking movie. FIGHT. ME.

We have a winner

It’s very important that if I have my shit together enough to have a preprepared breakfast on an early train, that I offset this with some other ‘on-the-fly’ act of incompetence Therefore, I’m pleased to report that a heaped tablespoon of creamy overnight oats is now safely inside my jacket sleeve

BREAKING NEWS: Sutekh The Destroyer, last of the Osirans, has endorsed Andrew Cuomo. Ask for comment, he replied: “Cuomo is my puppet - my mind is in his.”

Looking forward to Russell Crowe’s audition to be the Australian John Goodman. ‘John TopBloke’, if you will.

Few things calm me like experiencing a mystery pain in one side of my body that has, until now, only been felt on the other side. “Ah! Good. The random, pointed ache I sometimes feel ISN’T a warning sign of ‘Acute Rot’ but is, instead, just another sign of generalised entropy”

I can’t help but feel that so many of these careerist ghouls (both here and in America) might have stayed on the straight and narrow if they’d just watched a bit more classic Doctor Who and internalised its many warnings against ‘It’s probably fine that I work for The Daleks’-based thinking.

They needed a neurosis-wracked, gently upper-middle class ice dragon, who just wants to go to fucking bed and Peter Firmin understood the assignment. Just one of the most beautiful characters ever rendered.

Let’s dance

It’s possible that I may have got carried away when home-brewing a table top skirmish game for my 5 year old. …TBF, he is winning

Man, when I finally get one of those 'We need an ALMOST attractive but mainly just weird' older guy roles, it's over for you punks.

Please remember that, even though spooky season is done and it’s time to wrap and put away all that is recreationally macabre, it remains completely fine to hope that he dies and gets dragged away by the moaning shadow-creatures like in ‘GHOST’. X

These days I mainly gig just to catch up on my reading. Thanks to @drstevex.bsky.social for another lovely show at The Old Operating Theatre and for the lush snaps x

As a final farewell to spooky weekend, I would like to say that I stand by my Amityville take…

Also, anyone ever seen this? My brother told me about it and hen I was little but I’d completely forgotten about it until literally now.

A movie you've seen more than 7 times with a gif

Saw this for the first time at the Prince Charles Cinema last night. Any fans?

From ‘Nightmare on Elm Street’ to ‘Candyman’ to elements of Tubular Bells - it’s interesting how often horror soundtracks skew towards the poetic irony of the child’s music box and the lullaby to underscore the dread. What other good example are there?

Went to a Brick Fest event and these were pretty good

The great PR magic trick that The Royal Family doesn’t have up its sleeve anymore is public executions. They made them seem more relatable because they were a great way to signal to the people, “Hey - we get it! We want to kill us too - WE’RE JUST LIKE YOU”

Just threw a ghost boomerang. That’s gonna come back to haunt me.

Fully thought it was a potato that had been left in a cupboard at first.

As the difference between ‘The Internet’ and what constituted mainstream culture finally achieved 1:1 synchronicity, I think it’s reasonable to suggest that we all crossed over some kind of Godwin’s Law event horizon and now find ourselves in an infinitely spaghettifying state of Nazi comparison.

The lip-service addressing of this is to point to the wealth of entry-level schemes hither and yon. But, as a friend and I joked ages ago, they seem convinced that if they keep building front doors, no one will mind that they never build any corridors, rooms or (god forbid) some fucking stairs.

Absolutely this. It’s such a win because of the much more baked-in hierarchy, compared to the civilian version. It’s lovely to see all these alleged geniuses getting completely outclassed by - basically - Bluto!

This is what full self actualisation looks like