Will glass coffins ever become popular? Remains to be seen.

So, I was in a Glamour Shots slathering my face in Vaseline for that soft focus look. The photographer quits on the spot and goes to work for the DMV.

Too funny this is why I’m here

Too funny this is why I’m here

Me: greetings, Your Highness Cashier: thanks but I'm not the actual Dairy Queen

Can't. Ordering a bumper sticker that says, "I get wood for knotty pine"

Apparently girlfriend's hot sister thinks I'm “creepy.”

I hate the word pus

Perfect skeet

lawyer: number four, why wouldn’t you be able to serve on this jury? me: i have ice cream in my car, your excellency.

Would be sweet

Otis would be proud

New Year’s resolution Give up something for Lent Lent Gives up my New Year’s resolution

The zoo's open regular hours during President's Day. Please stop by and consider donating to our ballroom.

If diversity & culture offends you while sexual assault, rape, pedophilia, fraud, bribery, extortion, insurrection, treason, sedition, authoritarianism, tyranny, state-sanctioned violence, imposed Christian nationalism and the all in all desecration of our Constitution doesn’t… Reassess. 🛑

SUPERMAN: I have super strength FLASH: I have super speed AQUAMAN: I control sea creatures GREEN ARROW: I tell cars when to turn left

These are the heroes.

Hey @bbkittyfck.bsky.social did you delete your post about proper training for ICE or was that done for you?

A video of Alex Pretti reading out the final salute of an unnamed veteran he cared for until the end of his life in the ICU, posted to Facebook by his son.

What do you call an ICE agent with a Klan hat? An ICE crime cone!

ME: if we aren’t supposed to pick our noses then why are the holes perfectly finger sized 911: i don’t know sir

Hope I get to see all of mine again

Can't. Watching the Tax Slayer Itemized Deductions Bowl powered by Smartwater.

Christmas is a year away and people already have all their Christmas stuff up.

my favorite holiday meme

Did you know that letters mailed to Santa go on the USPS Operation Santa page where you can read them, adopt one and send them their wished for gift? (Anonymity is protected all around) www.uspsoperationsanta.com

If this gets reskeeted 483,000 times I’ll buy a miniature donkey.

The same people who lost their minds over renovations to Cracker Barrel are totally fine with the White House getting bulldozed

You know you're a bad driver when Siri says: "In 400 feet, stop and let me out."

💀🏆🏆💀

I've really got to stop buying these generic brands. Somehow, this Hamburger Enabler just doesn't taste quite the same.

For her birthday, I took my wife to an orchard and we stood there looking at the trees for half an hour. Not the Apple Watch she was expecting apparently...

Happy October!🎃

subtly downgrade a band chartreuse floyd

The right is honoring Charlie Kirk’s legacy of “free speech” by firing everyone exercising free speech…

Welp MLK Day just got replaced!!

resistance through art

"To be patriotic is to understand that a truly great nation can openly acknowledge its wrongs and be better for it"- @kenlburns.bsky.social #BlueCrew #ProudBlue #Thisiswhywefight #Resist #TruthWarriors #StrongerTogether #NoKings #DemocracyMatters #DefendDemocracy #StayWoke #ProtectOurRights

🥳🥳🥳🥳

be the reason your massage therapist decides the human body isn't worth the trouble and gets her real estate license

The person who invented the video game joystick has disappeared, they down right up and left.

All I think about when I hear people say that it’s bad taste to dance on Hulk Hogan’s grave is that Emmett Till’s monument had to be replaced with a 500lb steel bulletproof monument because white people simply won’t stop riddling it with bullets. So now it just has tons of dents. From bullets.