Happy There Is A Circulatory System Walking Through The Kitchen Day to all who celebrate.

People say wolves are intelligent, but a third of our staff was able to beat them in head-to-head Chutes and Ladders.

"What these pundits are nudging us to do, ever so politely, is accept that women, in the main, are accustomed to being a little degraded, a little underpaid and ignored and dampened in their ambitions, in ways that men are not and never will be." DING DING DING

Pretty glad to see Mamdani is implementing Shakeyourump Law because honestly all I wanna do is zoom a zoom zoom zoom and a boom boom

You have to admire the bloody-minded ambition of a pelican trying to eat a whole capybara (who seems utterly unconcerned). The thing with pelicans is that they have ONE super-power & their brains default to "get it in your mouth & deal with it later." Let's talk about the gular sac of the pelican.

My career as a sailor came to an untimely end when our ship decayed into a bunch of smaller ships. I told the captain we shouldn’t have taken on that Higgs Bosun

If sandwich shops don’t start offering a sandwich named “the acquittal” then what are we even doing

The thing about Mamdani is that he’s so normal and so many people are so weird about him. And it becomes really hard to miss the fact it’s mostly because he’s Muslim

I feel like if you’re a witch and you catch a witchy vibe and the weather is lovely and stormy you should be allowed to call off work and do witch stuff

“This case, ladies and gentleman of the jury, is about a sandwich.” Closing arguments from the defense in the DC sandwich guy case are now underway.

Cool flex bruh! 🥴🤦🏻‍♀️ bye bye cuomo

Gorge Soros already emailed me offering me $100K per month to watch infants in NYC I told him, buddy I don't even live in NYC and I'm a convicted felon. He replied by doubling his offer. I start in January

today mamdani has let his haters become his waiters at the table of success

Yes, Cuomo lost to Mamdani, but I think it's important to remember that Cuomo lost to Mamdani twice

The Pritzker Khanate pledges 1,000 corn-fed Janissaries to enforce the will of Shahenshah-e-Sultanat Al-New York Zohran Mamdani the Magnificent

life events have gotten me thinking about what matters to me. in the top tier is books. i love books. i am made out of books. all my life i have discovered myself and re-discovered myself through books, and i am a librarian because i want these transformative opportunities for everyone.

Alright Dave Portnoy and Bill Ackman time to leave New York City and never return like you promised

I forgot how good it feels to watch your enemies eat shit

I texted the homies this morning like “don’t let me get too drunk tomorrow because I’m ready to PARTAY”

summoning circle, hope this works    🕯               🗽              🥯         🚕                          🍎     🕯     zohran          🕯         🍎                          🚕               🥯             🗽                        🕯

Bill Ackman gotta be on the third draft of a tweet longer than Middlemarch right now

Shutting the fuck up for the next two decades would a superb start, Bill.

Maybe pundits should spend more time in densely packed, left leaning urban areas where the "real Americans" live

There was a mistranslation in the 10 commandments. God actually said "you shall not *cover* your neighbor's wife." He was saying to let her go if she's running a slant route against zone defense.

i can’t believe a good thing happened we should do this more often

Ok men, if you like getting smiled at by lady-types, today is your lucky day

I’m not looking to Ben Shapiro for anything except directions to hell, thank you

Our new mayor. Congrats NYC

We're all going to write pieces about what you can learn from tonight but it's actually pretty simple: The frontier of the Rebellion is everywhere. And even the smallest act of insurrection pushes our lines forward.

if you're not in line for transgender, get in line

I do think yesterday’s results reinforced the dynamic that while much of the American leadership class is chickenshit, most of the electorate is not

Says here everyone in New York City will now be assigned an aloof wife

Democratic party leadership has been on autopilot for ten years, they weren't losing to fascism, fascism isn't popular enough for them to lose to fascism, they were allowing it to fill the void where their leadership should have been. Tonight we're seeing that we have other options. They should too.

roses are red big laughs are hearty

this is a reminder that we dont have to settle for newsom in 2028

Presenter: The game is called TransAmerica! Bluesky Crowd: *raucous cheering* Presenter: It's not about gender tho... Bluesky Crowd: BOOOOOOO!!!!! Presenter: It's about trains! Bluesky Crowd: *raucous cheering*

Our message to Andrew Cuomo was loud & clear in June. It’s louder & clearer tonight.

This rules

Good luck to everyone who is campaigning on their belief that a better world is possible! Jeers to all candidates promising orderly management of the decline!

Which of his friends are they going to aim the 21-gun salute at?

YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

TRANSGENDER FOR EVERYBODY FOREVER !!

The lesson of history is that tyrants cannot be appeased. Appeasement only feeds their insatiable hunger for power. Tyrants prey on people who feel unsafe and vulnerable. But without mass submission, a tyrant is powerless. Remember this.

He's shooting his friends in the face with the angels now

sing it with me

Head in hands wondering how this could happen to me, the popular president who posted a video of myself shitting on everyone 2 weeks ago

Three facts: 1. Early voting in NYC 2025 is 5X what it was in 2021 2. Polymarket has Mamdani with a 96% chance of winning 3. Former NYC Mayor DeBlasio with an epic W T-shirt and vote