ah. dammit

mitch mcconnell has died

I audibly gasped

🎶 That's me in the corner That's me in the spotlight, losing my religion Trying to keep up with you And I don't know if I can do it Oh no, I've said too much I haven't said enough I thought that I heard you laughing I thought that I heard you sing I think I thought I saw a puddytat 🎶

People on twitter will really be like "you think ppl should subscribe to ken’s newsletter? that pales in effectiveness to my strategy, drinking poison" and then not drink poison

4/ "remain indoors as much as possible during and after the show." (In other words, "We are offering you some pretty poison, but don't blame - or sue - us if you get sick, because we did warn you that it's poisonous.") 🔹️The area is close to low-income, minority neighborhoods where there are higher

well i would say the shoe from roger rabbit but

ah. dammit

they got deep blue sea on at the bar and i'm just waiting for michael rapaport to get bitten in half

oh shit it's july? whaddup

staring in the mirror, shirtless, slowly chanting “mitch mcconnell” over and over

[actively being pelted in the head with rocks] neat! I see no downsides to this

I like a man who maintains eye contact while he’s making sausage

looking for ~2400 of my closest friends (nothing happened im just saying hi)

this is the room where the “teeth, TEETH” tweet was filmed

me, not even watching the World Cup, just watching people reactions on bluesky

rugged individualist that I am, I have no need for a dumb person’s idea of a smart person, for I am my own dumb person’s idea of a smart person

if you crop one side of the wells fargo logo it says WELL FARG and I just wanted you to know that

aight we back up

[snorts a 2ft long line of cocaine] god i fucking love NAPS and NAPPING

I bet getting jump started feels fucking bananas

if i say it ill get name searched

i think this fair is the material result of all those science expeditions into the Backrooms. they brought back what they found and putting them on display like trophies

What do you call Le Petit Caporal Obvious? An Of Corsican!

getting reports that whenever a trans woman experiences joy, the left side of glinner’s face melts by another millimeter

they’re talking of course about Monopoly: Star Wars Heroes vs. Villains

fucking finally

remember believing that better things were possible? i remember

Forgot to shave my balls and i was offside by a nut hair

how soon til the daily wire picks up uwe boll to produce all their short form video content

just heard the news that john hinckley is coming around on socialism 👍

This is the ideal make body. You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like.

I’m five deers beep

anyone else posting right now

anyone else posting right now

if I had a dog with a face like that I would literally never leave my house (except to take it on walks. obviously)

apropos of nothing, if I have to smile for pictures for more than like 5 minutes, I can feel my smiling muscles wear out and I start twitching and shit. How the fuck does mayor Mamdani keep that up through the day

she’s a 10 but she’s 113 years old

inventing a new meal time called “blunch” which is a portmanteau of breakfast and lunch

they should invent a shock collar that activates when you open the doordash app

[zooms in on the picture] that's too many stars man

since I was a young boy I have dreamt of a career that involves fumbling about in cobweb-covered crawl spaces and/or sewers

lmfaooo

Oh so you like Zohran Mamdani. What if I cried about him for 18 months and was generally unpleasant to be around, listen to, etc? Yeah that’s what I thought

Poomodoodoo technique. Ancient ass clench gongfu

yub nub delilah what's it like in ewok city

they should invent a shock collar that activates when you open the doordash app