@dankmccoy.bsky.social This is totally random but I’m relistening to the FH mini of the story you wrote as a kid and I wonder if you heard the word “honky” in Steve Martin’s “King Tut”? I listened to that a ton as a kid for whatever reason.

To make this easier, I've compiled all the performers into an image:

Jimmy Fallon wants to be a singer so bad and he won’t just sing, he has to make it everyone else’s problem too.

Hm

Here’s my penguin standup joke: Humans are so strange! Why would you eat a fishstick when you can just STICK a FISH in your mouth whole?!

@justinmcelroy.bsky.social Relistening to a @flophousepodcast.com with you and I can’t believe you predicted it.

🎶 I wanna live a life like that I wanna be just like a king Take my picture by the pool I endorsed Andrew Yang 🎶

🎶 IN A CLAM BAKE CHEVY NOVA IN DISGUISE 🎶

🎶 SLOWLY WALKING DOWN THE HALL / FASTER THAN A WONDERWALL 🎶

It just reminded me of the time I was babysitting my little niece and she looked through a cookbook, found this page and asked me, “Can we do this today?”

Biggest takeaway from this is that a huge swathe of the American population refuses to believe that historical events can be driven by random losers with impulse control problems. www.youtube.com/watch?v=DC8t...

Useful quotes: www.hindustantimes.com/world-news/u...

“Mistah Kirk - he dead"

Quick question: What was Céline Dion doing?

Me at work when I see a trans patient got an updated photo ID:

Mitch Hedberg anteater: Termites are great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

I'm not sharing the face of the child being interviewed after today's school shooting. I am going to point that showing his face is highly unethical even if parental permission was obtained, because we know from prior mass shooting events that survivors and their families are harassed by deniers.

There can’t be any gun restrictions because we have to protect against federal government tyranny, and if kids get shot we just have to live with it. Also the President can send troops to cities because the federal government can do whatever it wants. These two ideas are consistent and reasonable.

Absolutely not.

I officially look pregnanttt

I promise you: I can laugh at Newsom’s posts without thinking that he’s a good (or even okay) politician (or human).

I’m taking my penguins everywhere… 🐧💛 And now, you can too! This cute totebag is from my Dashery shop and it fits EVERYTHING. thepenguinsfamily.dashery.com Go grab yours! 👜✨ #penguins #birds #penguinlovers #penguinbag #penguintotebag #cute #shop #penguinshop #ThePenguinsFamily #JulianaMotzko

🎶 “What a beautiful wedding, What a beautiful wedding,” says a bridesmaid to a waiter "And, yes, but what a shame, What a shame the poor groom's bride is a whore" I chime in with a “Hasn’t this waiter ever heard of doing his goddamn job?" 🎶

It’s not funny Ken, they had to rush the officer to the mayo clinic

For gods sake there is no fucking conspiracy to keep cancer uncured. There is way more money for them in a cure. People aren’t going to stop getting cancer just because it’s curable.

Can’t stop thinking about the time my high school had an assembly to show us the music video for “Complicated” by Avril Lavigne.

🎶 I don’t think you’re ready for fish jelly I don’t think you’re ready for fish ‘cause my body’s too hootie-blowfish for ya baby 🎶

Welcome 2 Denver

Gamer girl 👾🎮🕹️

As a kid, I thought I’d called 911 & was going to be in trouble bc I called my dad at work & pressed 0 for the operator, which I thought meant someone who does operations i.e. a surgeon, so I hung up immediately but then panicked that an ambulance would show up because they tracked the call.

*Dolly Parton voice*

Gonna chomp a robot.

*Dolly Parton voice*

I just used some naan as a potholder.

Can’t stop thinking about the time my high school had an assembly to show us the music video for “Complicated” by Avril Lavigne.

@depthsofwikipedia.bsky.social Just found this in en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wild_tu...

Cosmo sex advice so bad that I collected it in high school bc even then I knew that it was terrible.

What does this mean

Oh.

🤐

🎶 She’s a Buick and I’m driving slowlyyyyy 🎶

Last night I dreamt that I had to explain to a kid about Mitt Romney’s David Letterman appearance where he said, “What's up gangstas, it's the m-i-double-tizzle.”

D0 69!!!