RELEASE THE TRUMP PENIS MRI!

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Madonna's 1989 hit Cherish is definitely not country music

Video game designers: no matter how pixelated and abstract you make your characters some fan will draw a picture of two of them making out

It's just another manic Sunday. Wish it was Monday. Get these fucking people out of my house and let me get back to work

Strong pelvic floor No ceiling to her bladder control

"Strong floor, no ceiling?" Because we're standing on the roof and you're making me want to jump

If you like the moody supernatural small-town child missing genre of Stranger Things, you should check out Dark, also on Netflix. It's in German but you can watch the English dub if you want. I won't judge.

Woke Wooderson

Marc Andreessen just invested $300m in this joke

Instead of an All Gender Restroom we should build AI Gender Restrooms

When the egg hit him did he exclaim, "Oof!" or "Oeuf!"?

@profanity.accountant give me my count, you dirty bastard

We need some kind of competitive balance tax where popular posters need to give away some of their likes to me

We're so inured to American imperialism that if another country took a single one of our actions against us the resulting war would have a 95% approval rating

What if making stupid little jokes online is my soul's true calling?

Finally getting some theological clarity on the ethics of reclining in one’s plane seat

When Trump closes down Venezuelan airspace it's not a big deal but when I cause LAX to ground all flights the FBI is at my door within minutes

Fox News dot com has decided our act of war against Venezuela is simply a "warning" and deserves to be buried so far down on the homepage it's below manufactured Princess Di drama

This is the funniest opening line from someone witnessing a shooting that I've seen in forever. A perfect interview all around, honestly www.instagram.com/reel/DRoHVrA...

The guy shot two random people with a gun, I don't think you can say he wasn't assimilating into our culture

Literally Osama Bin Laden, just less ambitious

Happy marketing email day to those who celebrate (everyone on earth)

If you're ever stranded on a desert island with Elmo you might be tempted to kill him and eat his body but do not, it's riddled with parasites

MAGIC WIZARD: Tsk tsk, Billy. Have you learned nothing from our time in the Land of Misers and Keep-For-Myselfs? BILLY: I want to go home. MAGIC WIZARD: To hoard is to be bored! We must share, to be fair BILLY: I don’t want to do this anymore. MAGIC WIZARD: I think I hear a tune on the wind! Welll 🎶

People on here will say anything. Charlie Brown didn't pay income tax. Yes he did. That isn't true.

Literally Osama Bin Laden, just less ambitious

Sitting at the table after my second helping of Turkey while my family starts complaining about everything

How long into your Thanksgiving dinner did it take for someone to mention Zohran Mamdamni and what's the makeup of your group? We were at 1 hr 40 minutes, a bunch of liberal Jews (some of whom live in NY). Thought it would have been a lot earlier.

Do you think Galactus finishes a planet in one sitting or does he keep a few mountains in the fridge to snack on after a nap?

Americans, if you like Thanksgiving because you eat the exact same heavy meal with the exact same family members for your entire life I'd like to tell you a little bit about Judaism

I don't want any immigrants fleeing oppression coming to my land and ruining my thanksgiving - a smart Wampanoag dude nobody listened to

Happy Thanksgiving

Say what you will about North Korea's military parades but at least they're honest about what it's for and don't try to sneak in ads for a noodle company

The Thanksgiving day parade is a two mile long commercial occasionally interrupted by tv commercials

If you're a turkey and you're able to read this, congratulations on surviving the great slaughter. Also, holy shit, you can read?!

Joseph Smith:

Train Dreams is really good but it's funny that a very American story about Americans stars an Australian, a Brit, an Irishwoman, and one American.

"political violence is never acceptable," is a phrase you don't hear politicians say after cops beat the shit out of peaceful demonstrators

He's not done taking their money

The five genders

She's really gripping that broomstick

i’m so happy for him

Bluesky: Trump's deployment of the National Guard is a fascist military takeover of Washington DC. Fight back! People are going to die! Also Bluesky when someone shoots a National Guardsman: Wow, violence isn't the answer. Tsk tsk.

The only company making money off AI is NVIDIA. Nobody is making a profit. In the old days when someone invented a product that constantly lost money people simply stopped using it or they tinkered with it until it worked. They didn't light a trillion dollars on fire.

Ain't nothin' but a gangsta party? Don't belittle your accomplishments. Throwing a successful gangsta party is no small feat. There's the people management, the snacks, the drinks, the time/place. Lots of moving parts. Be proud of yourself!

Why does Google have Black Friday on the "US Holidays" calendar, like it's a real holiday?

Just tried to mute a gif