I haven't signed into my Twitter account in over a year but tonight I was at a bar and a bunch of neo nazis sat right next to me so I feel like I got the experience

You like Miller Lite? Not me I drink Miller Heavy, brewed with heavy water from the finest nuclear reactors

Who’s 👏 ready 👏 for 👏 trump 👏 to 👏 surrender 👏 to 👏 ISLAM

Great article. Conservative men were traumatized by a strong black man penetrating their White House

This might be my greatest idea ever. The Jedi Council locked up trying to elect a new leader but rumors are one of their candidates might be Sith or worse. C'mon Disney

YOU SCHEDULED A MEETING WITH ME AT 3:30PM ON THE FRIDAY BEFORE A HOLIDAY WEEKEND AND DIDN'T EVEN SHOW UP TO IT?!

Respect to Rage Against the Machine who got hired to write a song for the Godzilla movie and sang about how the Godzilla movie was fascist trash propaganda

A card catalog would never get confused when you look up "discard"

AI is inevitable, they keep telling us. www.reuters.com/business/sta...

How did Elon's promises to investors in his Twitter acquisition pay off now that we have public "Space X" data? If you're posting here the answer won't surprise you at all. www.techdirt.com/2026/05/22/s...

I wouldn't mind the patriarchy so much if it occasionally said it loved me

Resistance to well-supported claim that the Harris campaign did well because it goes against: 1) Only Dems have agency. Either Dems win votes with the right combo of policy and rhetoric or Dems push voters to the GOP with the wrong ones. 2) My top policy issue is also the key to winning elections.

Are there any women left in his administration from day 1?

Good news, grandma has been lifted off life support

A three day weekend means an extra day to make bad decisions

I think about this Onion article headline all the time.

I've been pronouncing Colbert "Cole-Bert" this entire time. How embarrassing.

If you watch this video more than three times in a row your elbow will explode

New Bluesky feature announcement: every time you post your phone emits a high energy gamma ray burst directly at your crotch

Spambots aren't invited to the orgy

People think Enron was a dotcom bubble tech company?

"We can't audit Trump, that might be seen as political," the next Democratic administration, probably

Grok, is my cash burning company worth $2T?

Quick, to the nearest diner in rural Arkansas!

You bought a Lamborghini?! Yes, you approved a similar purchase 20 years ago when I tried to buy a used Ford Focus off Craigslist so I didn't think I had to ask

if you want the orioles to get better you just gotta VOTE harder

I probably shouldn't have turned this game on

I could never be a Mets announcer. Do you know how much self-control it takes not to curse and yell at the players in moments like this? These guys? Calm throughout, absolute pros.

grogu has been caught and compromised to a permanent end

Were they aiming at the lock on his door? Literally trying to bomb him into freedom.

I feel like I could get a hit against an Orioles starter with two outs. Seems like all you have to do is stick the bat out and you're standing on second.

Democrats say "to the Republic" when reciting the pledge of allegiance yet claim not to like Republicans. How curious.

Junior Caminero doing his best Jazz Chisholm impression

If you're sending an email asking for a status update you've already lost

Man, you sure showed that politician who was doing media hits all day and knew what publication he was speaking to but not how the person speaking to him wants their job described. The video is worse since she gets snippy when he starts talking about being friends with a former editor.

"Your email will talk to you" sounds like a CompuServe feature from 1997

I have a slush fund* what's the big deal? *pile of change next to my front door that I use to buy Slurpees or Icees

HOLLYWOOD BLIND GOSSIP: This might make his EARS perk up. But this PINT-SIZED star of TV making his leap to film very soon was nothing but TROUBLE on set. Instead of learning his ONE LINE he spent every spare moment in his trailer RAWDOGGING one or both of his husband/wife hair and makeup team.

We should go back to a decade or two between Star Wars. Give a new generation time to desire some new content.

You need almost three straight minutes of "did I do thats" from Family Matters youtu.be/oX_t9z9KWZE?...

The Angels have now gone 4,227 consecutive games, including postseason, without being no-hit That’s the longest active streak in MLB and the 15th-longest all-time h/t @EliasSports

The Orioles saw this post as a challenge to make those numbers even dumber

They're hitting everything off Trevor Rogers like his name was Trevor Bauer

I've seen more of Trump's hands in the past year than of my own

Surprised to learn he didn't have a role in the Trump administration.

you ever read something so french that you need to go flirt with someone who is not your spouse

I've already purchased a Trump phone and Trump crypto and I was struggling to find more ways to put my money into Trump's pocket. Thank you, DOJ.

The Future is not Latvian