Would love to celebrate the electoral wins yesterday but this cycle of the country electing malignant people then fighting back with “waves” is exhausting, things are just so fundamentally broken here, in what we think government does, and in our souls, I have little hope for any real reconciliation

I have a ancient statue avatar and some vague Latin in my display name, I am now a Conservative thought leader online, which beats my old job selling hot tubs in Gulfport

“The sweet onion sauce splatter included an abrasion ring, which we noted in our report was a little unusual.” “Can you explain to the court why that is unusual?” “It means the thrower’s hand was close to or touching the officer’s body when the sub was thrown.” (Jury gasps)

@theamitie.bsky.social (summons every ounce of strength my decaying body still possesses) congrats.

Well it was an amazing World Series and a reminder that baseball despite its faults is probably the greatest sport invented by man, and also I hope all Dodgers fans are stricken with painful sores and tumors, and cast into hellfire, for eternity

Let’s do this

Love the Big Sky conference, they lean into being a bunch of weird mountain people, ask too many questions and they think you’re from the government

Tomorrow they’ll say it’s “win or go home” but let’s be real none of these players live in fuckin’ Canada.

Pathetic showing by the Blue Jays in the ninth. Pathetic. Good Lord. Just hand it to the Dodgers. Sick of this shit.

Annual Halloween Wikipedia dive to read about Bobby “Boris” Pickett’s many and increasingly more depressing tries to recapture the magic of Monster Mash

After 14 years and 25,783 episodes, MTV has canceled “Ridiculousness”

Sending love notes to the lady friend

I love the Blue Jays because they have multiple fat but athletic guys. As a fat unathletic guy, it’s nice to have my enemies at least pause and think “but what if he’s athletic?”

If you’re a Chiefs hater like I am, you might enjoy this photo of sad David Koechner* I took at the super bowl *he was really nice and I’m a pos for taking this in his time of greatest need.

Manscape a little. Like when they trim back the bushes around the base of a tree. It’ll look bigger. Try that.

What idiot called it an outcall escort who has a driver and not Whore Dash

sometimes when a task feels insurmountable I watch 747 landings at old Kai Tak airport in Hong Kong, now it doesn't feel that difficult

Honestly sitting here watching Florida State at Stanford fills me with more regret than sitting at Gypsy’s Roadhouse at 1:45 pm on a Tuesday

Men of a certain age might hear “Crash” by Dave Matthews Band and start remembering getting to second base, maybe third, in her Honda Civic Not me though, I’m built different

I am The Rizzler’s manager and I’m begging people to stop throwing Alka Seltzer tablets at him, he doesn’t know better, his stomach will explode

I work in George Soros’s payroll department and hoo boy everyone who calls here gets so mad when they find out there’s no check coming

The Dodgers look unbeatable and I hate it. I hate it!

I'm supposed to go to a White Lotus-themed party tomorrow. Question: is it ok if I just wear a Duke t-shirt and bring a pistol

you can tell they are Florida stone crabs by the jean shorts

Coming home to my empty house after a fun night at the honky tonk dive bar

conservative comedy is mostly just saying "holly-WEIRD" then making a dumb face at the audience as they laugh and laugh

I know Jesus taught us to love our enemies, bless those who curse us, and do good to those who hate us (Matthew 5:44), but he said that way before the Los Angeles Dodgers existed

Breaking: asshole organization with asshole fans somehow able to out-asshole itself

Americans love to watch football while having moderate to severe ulcerative colitis

@treblaw.bsky.social hey man how’s it going

Been dooming and glooming about Trump and MAGA for 10+ years now but I genuinely feel like the next few weeks are shaping up to be the most dangerous and consequential of my lifetime, and I’m pretty fuckin old

Awww! How cute! This country is so amazing!

I know Jesus taught us to love our enemies, bless those who curse us, and do good to those who hate us (Matthew 5:44), but he said that way before the Los Angeles Dodgers existed

Ugh why do bars have bands on weekend nights, why can’t everyone just be miserable, like me

Congrats to the Yankees, and their great fans

Obviously Trump trying to extort universities is terrible for our country but at least they’re grouping THE University of Arizona with our academic equals

I confused “government shutdown” with “the purge” and boy do I have some legal problems now

@edsbs.bsky.social consider Arizona State

Flying 7,000 miles from Diego Garcia to Washington on a couple days’ notice so a Fox News host can give me a rah rah speech about how we’re not woke anymore, this is exactly the type of thing I served 35 years for

Loved Mark Grace since the 80s but at what point do the DBacks postgame producers start googling Wet Brain

walking on stage at my spouse’s memorial like I’m wrestling D-Generation X at Summer Slam

There's no more fitting tribute to Charlie Kirk than the one they're giving him right now: nominally Christian survivors on the same grift clambering over one another for more publicity, capped by the shambling, lurching embodiment of everything they long to be. You couldn't write anything meaner

You bet your ass every one of these had donation links

I hope they don’t cheap out on the pyrotechnics at my memorial. Get some real techs who can melt some faces. Like KISS on the Psycho Circus tour.

Closing down a city to host a state funeral for a podcaster, every day is weirder than the last

Them: “didn’t you get my email about this?” Me:

I’m at a WNBA game.

I’m at Chili’s.

Telling the Starbucks barista my name is Tyler Robinson

Starbucks CEO: “Since when did we become the public square? Holiday cups and whatnot. What does ordering a coffee in someone’s name even symbolize? Have we all gone goddamn nuts? Ask for coffee, pay for coffee, drink the coffee, and get the fuck out. What am I missing here?”