A jury of my peers? TWELVE murderers?!

I feel like we owe Kojima an apology because he’s like “This is my villain, Corrupto Moneyguy. He controls the media and eats children.” As it turns out, this is a nuanced and accurate view of global politics.

pagliacci the clown: doctor, i think i am depressed. life is harsh and cruel, and i feel abandoned to an uncaring world therapist: This is an automated e-mail. Regrettably, we are taking on no new patients until [QUERY ERROR//: QUEUE OVERFLOW] due to high demand. Thank you for your understanding.

In the grim dark futura…

Well I heard there was a secret chord, That Tommy played to call the Dragonzord, But you don’t really care for music, do ya?

me watching Othello and the Merchant of Venice: wow it's incredible how Shakespeare managed to write texts centuries ago that would be relevant to racism and bigotry today me finding Shakespeare's lost manuscript THE TRAGEDY OF KING DEATHBOT, OR THE RISING OF THE MECHANICALS: oh no

The greatest role for any actor is Unnamed Recording Studio Technician in a musical biopic who turns to their colleague and says "are you hearing this?" when the hero starts playing their Very Famous Song

‘Shields up, Captain?’ ‘Pitter patter, let’s get at ‘er.’ ‘Hailing frequencies open.’ ‘Sarek. How are you now?’ ‘Infinites Diversity’s in Infinites Combinations. That’s what’s I appreciates about youse’

lol Keanu Reeves says exactly 500 words TOTAL across all three John Wick movies. If you eliminate "yeah", the count goes down to 100.

Wild how Shadowrun today feels like an optimistic alternate future. Native Americans gain independence from the U.S. government? A benevolent dragon becomes the president and governs by suicide? People still communicate primarily through message boards? Sign me the fuck up.

The 7 stages of adult life

Professor X: Hold, old friend. If you wish to take this military base hostage, you first must kill these five fifteen year olds I found. Magneto: for fuck’s sake, Charles.

Here are my favourite rougelikes

Boston Market recently changed their name to Boston MARKET, a move that increased their market capitalization by 500%

Whoa, we’re halfway there Whoa, we’re halfway there Whoa, we’re halfway there Whoa, we’re halfway there Whoa, we’re halfway there Whoa, we’re halfway there Whoa, we’re halfway there Whoa, we’re halfway there Zeno’s Karaoke

Before bands had to worry about people being able to find them on the internet they could just call themselves Live

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and a horse that solves crimes

Now I’m 40, work drinks have gradually slipped from listening to the implausible stories in the manner of David Mitchell about the old days to telling the stories about the old days in the manner of Bob Mortimer.

IMPORTANT PUN NEWS: “One egg” in French sounds almost identical to “enough” in English. “One egg is un œuf” “Two eggs are more than un œuf” My French wife, who routinely asks for my opinion on egg quantities with pure intentions, finds this Extremely Delightful and Not Annoying At All.

Today I learned that Queen Victoria vaguely backed a return of Napoleon’s great-grandson against the French 3dd republic, and was kaiboshed because he was killed by Zulu skirmishers in a guerilla attack on a convoy near Ulundi.

The technological breakthrough needed to ensure people who work from home get a snow day is to redesign broadband so it doesn’t work when it snows. Surely our brightest minds can figure this out

Scrooge: You there, boy! What day is it? ChatGPT: Days were invented by the Druids in 1974

“Carly Rae Jepsen is writing a score” “that’s good!” “for Lena Dunham’s” “that’s bad” “new musical” “that’s good!” “that’s an adaptation of a movie” “that’s bad” “the movie is 10 Things I Hate About You” “that’s good!” “which will trigger Taming of the Shrew discourse” … “that’s bad” “can I go?”

"I bet my little Brucie would love to see this! We'll make a family outing of it! I'll even break out my best set of pearls to wear and...wow, there's a great little shortcut to the theater down that alleyway!"

Despite knowing The Wall near by heart, my brain will not let go of the mondegreen of “No dogs or cats are in the classroom”.

Our awareness has already been raised to extremely high levels, we need to work on raising our other stats if we’re ever actually going to fight capitalism.

DR MANHATTAN: I am tired of earth, these people. I am tired of being caught in the tangle of their lives. DR QUEENS: hey, I'm walkin ere!!

Always thought one of the creepiest things about the cigarette-smoking man is how often he was near no smoking signs. Real impotence of law against will to power stuff.

A story that begins with a corpse on the floor is a mystery. A story that ends with a corpse on the floor is a tragedy. A story that begins with a floor on a corpse is The Wizard of Oz.

Was just speculating you could make a Stark-esque Hunter thing involving the Greek or Norse pantheon, and then… yeah, that’s the God of War series, isn’t it?

There’s a real Fast & Furious vibe when you’re pulling a job in Acquataine, you assemble your crew, and one of them is… the Khagan of the Khazars, a thousand miles from his empire.

I feel like videogames actually do provide a pretty accurate representation of real life right now because a lot of videogames are like “THE WORLD IS ENDING” and then you just collect herbs and pretend nothing is wrong

Elizabeth, I have included you in the Starter Pack, “People who have had the pleasure of my company.” You’re welcome, Darcy

I have many questions

Karla’s Choice is a good successor to the constellation of Smiley stories. It turns much of subtext into text - themes from Spy and Tinker becoming open arguments between Smiley and Control and Anne - and in doing so, shifts the subaltern anger close to polemic. It never crosses the line, though.

Your last saved meme is your moral philosophy

my dwarf boss: I was thinking we should dig too greedily, and too deep me: on it boss

The people of Gotham probably just assume that Bruce Wayne is just really bad at using condoms.

Every plot summary I read for an upcoming film makes me feel like there’s a gas leak in my house

history repeats itself; first as tragedy, second as farce, third as neo-noir, fourth as spaghetti western, fifth as period drama, sixth as wuxia, seventh as french new wave, eighth as body horror, ninth as police procedural, tenth as hyperlink cinema, eleventh as space opera,

Jim Carrey’s Wikipedia entry has incredible comedic timing.

Fun fact: The earth was named after Eartha Kitt in 1967. Before then, it had no proper name, or was referred to casually in conversation as "the orb"

"And remind me, Ignacio. What is the greatest tool of a wizard's will?" The boy gulped. "The spell circle, master?" "Correct, but the spellblade enjoys no luxuries of chalk and salt. Instead we construct ours of sweat and motion." His master replied, blade drawn. "Let us see what circles you draw."

Probably the ship of Theseus. But that’s been gradually replaced over time by the ship of Theseus.

Sir, you say this is a lamb kidney but respectfully I disagree. You see, my wife, she won a lamb last year from her church raffle. A dead lamb, not an alive one. Anyway, we had lamb for everything. Lamb burgers, lamb meatballs, lamb bolognase, we even had lamb shakes, can you b

I love being a big shot in Gotham and pushing around my worthless staff, particularly that worm Emmet Lectrocution who will never have the guts to stand up for himself