Could not think of a worse example to put as the main picture

freddy scowling as he realizes it's gonna be basically impossible to get the other knife glove on

Just got my 10,000 steps in.. and I'm only 43!!!

You can perform a Birthday to increase your Age.

I dont think any trailer for any movie coming out this year could possibly capture my curiosity as much as this John Travolta directed movie with an awful name that seems to be just about how nice it is to fly commercially has

The audience should always be asking, “huh?”

fbi agent: why sun go byebye then come back dr. hannibal lecter: The sun vacillates between the desire to leave and the need to be present. fbi agent (crying): oh my god

I love film, but I don’t let it consume my whole life. It’s embarrassing how often I go out and see what must be other film fans doing “dialogue” or having a “motivation.”

Conner's absurdity is hilarious.

Oppenheimer: Portrait of a Wife-Fucker

It's hurtful to me when people assume I am an athlete just because I embody the ideal peak physical form of humanity

Michael jackson haters love to bring up the nude photos of young boys in his bedroom safe, but they never mention all the normal stuff in his house: picture frames, tables, lamps, etc

Getting old is when you go back to the simpsons and you notice you relate more to bart than maggie nowdays

No, I don't do drugs, but I know the junkie's mind. When I help a wounded animal, that's like a drug to me. Exercising my civic duty in the voting booth is a hit of the strongest dope. Lastly, a rush like no other, is being role model to three charming and obedient nephews

I feel so fortunate every time I wake up. To be a chipmunk. To be in a world-famous band. Our fans make this all posible

Some people might say this was too much responsibility to put on her, but I think she just didnt try hard enough

On the occasion of its recent 4K release, I wrote about Killers of the Flower Moon open.substack.com/pub/peterral...

Ive been saying for years that every story in todays news was going to happen

Incredible character design that you can recognize them even without their clothes

(Can barely contain my laughter, struggling to get the words out) hey everyone, they're announcing a new product that is stupid!

don't get why murderers aren't always scattering too small gloves around the scene. doesn't matter how airtight the case against you may be if a dozen gloves don't fit. glove after glove for a whole afternoon, and not one fits? come on. ladies and gentlemen of the jury, i know you know the rhyme

is a new episode of snl airing? here's how to keep your family safe in light of this terrifying new information

In comedy, there's a "rule of three". That's why there's "three" Stooges, and not, say, 1,000,000.

1997 I was working at the CIA. The director called me in. Now I'd never been in the director's office before. I'm sitting there with no idea what he wants to ask me. He says, "John, have you heard MMMBop, by Hansen?" l said, "Yeah, of course." He said, "We're gonna kill the little one. The drummer."

Opened up twitter for the first time in a long while and this was the first post the algorithm fed me lol

Im not really suprised, the academy loves to award movies where things happen after one another in them

James Bond: What's this, a phone? I already have one of these. Q: Oh no, Mr. Bond. That's actually a toad phone. You can use it to call a frog from anywhere in the world. James Bond: You've outdone yourself this time, Q.

not surprising and yet still jarring to read ex-FBI agents describing how Kash Patel and Bongino reacted to Charlie Kirk's murder while running the agency. truly the content creator administration/podcast govt www.nytimes.com/interactive/...

1.“You’re not allowed in here.” 2.“Are you lost?” 3.“I don’t know you.” 4.“I’ve seen you before, haven’t I? You were in my garden last week.” 5.“Get out.” 6.“Sir, come with me.” 7.“Did you used to live here? Before…well, before all that happened to you.” 8.“I’m sorry it had to be this way, Frank.”

getting darth maul facepaint at the carnival with my wife of 11 years, i turn to her and tell her i want a divorce

What did he think the other way might be

In memory of Scott Adams, this insane list of self Ls

i'm obsessed with this new drink i discovered on vacation called agua. it's so delicious and the locals serve it with everything

My parents are divorced so we have two January 6ths

It sure seems like America had absolutely no plan here if the vp didn't just immediately capitulate and agree to do everything they wanted

I hate America so much man

i bet this shit hits so hard if ur stupid

I don't think america should be allowed to do things like this

Her: why does your hood ornament have such a small penis? Me: it’s normal size. And there’s nothing ‘hood’ about it

man, trump fucked our economy. under joe biden, you could buy a car with this

David finchres "social network" is almost eerily predictive of what we now know as social media

Watched the first three episodes of the chair company last night. Fantastic, love it. One of the things I really appreciate is that tim robinson has these big meetings and big interviews, things that seem like cliche comedic setups, that he nails in a perfectly acceptable way for that kind of thing

Henry Cavill IS Mark Ruffalo AS Chris D'Elia IN Night Hunter

You'd think he'd be a lot smarter if he was born and raised in a Barnes and Noble

I’m sorry for partly rocking

if simply associating with depraved pedophiles is enough to get a professor fired how is anyone ever going to learn economics