Hey Siri, design a perfect "Proud Parents of a Teenager" scenario

Chris Paul has officially retired after 21-ish seasons. Obviously one of the best ever, but I confess he was never really one of my guys, which is why while the second play I think of is his playoff game 7 winner in 2015, the first one I think of is this. Sorry? #NBAsky

"we made it 3/4 of the way to a milestone that would theoretically let us make a power plant that is not the one we promised to have ready in two years" ok cool techcrunch.com/2026/02/13/f...

Life must be so easy if you just have absolutely no ethics, can you imagine

"If someone can invent a new Olympic sport by stacking one guy on top of another guy, surely someone could invent another Olympic sport by stacking yet one more guy on top of the aforementioned guys." Important work from @sabs.bsky.social: [🎁]

doctor doctor gimme the news ive got an unworn pair of baby shoes

Many Trump agencies are functionally the opposite of their intended purpose but it's pretty hard to beat an EPA that stops considering human health in favor of just considering regulations' costs to businesses and rolls back the CO2 endangerment finding. Like that's EPA inside the mirror realm.

BREAKING: Judge blocks Hegseth effort to punish Sen. Kelly. "This Court has all it needs to conclude that Defendants have trampled on Senator Kelly's First Amendment freedoms and threatened the constitutional liberties of millions of military retirees." Background: www.lawdork.com/p/breaking-k...

At some point someone will try and quantify the societal damage that “tech ceo = genius” did and it will be equivalent to like four Chicxulub asteroids

One thing I enjoy about the Olympics is good writers writing interesting things about sports I know nothing about, like Kathryn Xu on Ilia Malinin and men's figure skating. [🎁]

[teaching my regular How Not to Destroy Cities class] Starting now I won't be giving out grades on how well you all do in not destroying any cities. And before you ask, no, it is not because Godzilla is in the class this semester.

big day for this

Few “don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone” examples as potent as an independent DOJ

Don't hang out where cattle graze after midnight. It's pasture bedtime.

Every now and then Trump cabinet secretaries get a break from their job of going on television and saying the wildest shit imaginable and instead get to go in front of Congress and say the wildest shit imaginable.

This is the aftermath of an ICE kidnapping a few blocks from my home in St. Paul—an hour ago. A quiet street full of broken glass and at least three wrecked cars. The target of the kidnapping was taken away by ambulance. He was on a stretcher and covered by a sheet, though a cop said he was alive.

if you played sonic the hedgehog and put down the controller, sonic would look at you and tap his foot impatiently. this was proof that sega genesis cartridges had souls. the decision was made to make the storage cases a lot larger than the cartridges so they would have room to move around in there

It's so wild people this dumb are in charge of so much

I find it so grim how much news I still see on this site as twitter screenshots from generally reasonable reporters. What are they still doing over there, just posting away like normal. How do they justify it to themselves.

I don’t know if the joke is in this new special, but we saw Chris Fleming live in DC a few months back and it was generally fantastic but it also had one of the funniest jokes I have ever seen and well I am excited for people to maybe see it

HELL yeah

"Quiet, Piggy" but in retaliatory tariff form. Also Switzerland does not have a PM.

I did important work last night

“We left with all my children” ????

The morning so far

Part of me is embarrassed by the mental energy I put into this the last hour or so and part of me is horrified by how much more I’ll probably spend on adding to it in the future

You know he would have had like 750 emails in the Epstein files

Closest thing to an actual brawl in an NBA game in recent memory just now. Punches thrown, guys leaving the bench, players losing their minds. Yes Detroit was involved. Obviously (laudatory). #NBAsky

Extremely exciting news: We're hiring a full-time film critic to come work with me at The A.V. Club! You probably have an idea if you're qualified for this, but if there's something that's not in the job listing, I'm sure I can answer Qs www.linkedin.com/jobs/view/43...

The Odyssey director's cut where Damon does the whole thing in his Departed accent

The NBA beckons

It is misplaced nostalgia for sure but remember when Super Bowl ads were just like a frog singing about beer or whatever

If my grim, sour movement found itself opposed to literally any and every broad cultural expression of joy and solidarity I might engage in a bit of self-reflection. If I wasn’t mired deep in a grim, sour movement, I suppose.

I bet there are some absolutely *awful* screenplays about the whole Epstein story floating around Hollywood at the moment.

The current regime took a week to abolish USAID, which is three times as old and was not in the news every day for brutalizing children

Two weeks after a snow storm that hasn't really melted much every car looks like it just got back from a run to Gas Town

Extremely in favor of the use of drone cameras following Olympians down ski slopes and luge tracks and so on at 90 miles an hour. Sometimes technology is very cool.

Ackman is dumb in a way that feels like a poorly written demonstration of dumb fail-upwards wealth. Like he cant reeeaaally by this way, right? but yes he actually is.

In like 6 weeks Will Lewis will get a new job that pays him 4.5 million dollars a year.

Thinking once again about Jeff Bezos's giant boat's giant boat

I'm sorry the guy changing the rules on the fly is named what

Good evening

Maybe not tonight, or tomorrow, but some late-night posting binge soon he will post something even more racist, just to show that he can. I mean it’s genuinely hard to imagine what that would be but he’ll figure it out.

I am told he has been escorted out and banned from the tree after the leprechaun from the Leprechaun movies said he couldn’t possibly patronize anywhere Bovino was welcome

Actually kinda weird he likes golf so much, like sure you can cheat all you want but it is very hard to convince anyone watching, yourself included, that the bad shot you just hit was actually a good shot.

Watched it again and was gonna post exactly this and had an inkling I was repeating myself and well yes.

I lived in the UK during early covid and for a while there was this thing where everyone went outside at a certain day/time to cheer for NHS doctors/nurses/staff, and well I think it would be lovely if we did that but for booing JD Vance

the Spectator accidentally recycled a subhed from a previous day’s article about Tehran

Clapping my flippers together and honking like a harbor seal when a Super Bowl ad for a condiment or gambling app featuring two celebrities unexpectedly reveals a third celebrity as its punchline. Bouncing a ball around on my snout. My wife has to throw me a herring to get me to calm down.