America definitely deserves the gold medal in going downhill

How to write a book with A.I. 1. Don’t

what if you went to the Olympics to boo JD Vance and you were double booked in a hotel with someone who also came to boo JD Vance and there was only one bed and as you both booed him everywhere he went you fell in love FOR REAL???

a DREAMING OF YOU sequel where Derek Craven helps Sara Fielding investigate a corrupt billionaire who bought a newspaper and ruined its coverage and closed its books section

ICE should be closed for two years so it can be destroyed

wrong actor from Home Alone 2

It’s the First Amendment. The first one. I know they hate to read but it’s the first fucking one.

Elizabeth, Unlike MELANIA, I’ll be coming to your opening. Darcy

until “demoted” means “incarcerated” it’s not enough

“only criminals carry guns on our streets” ICE carry guns on our streets. arrest them all.

Every single person protesting in Minnesota has done more good today than the President has done his entire life.

I’ve updated my terms of service with America. The President has to resign before I’ll go on.

Elizabeth, You said no to my marriage proposal. But do we at least have the framework of a deal to do it in my carriage? The concept of a plan to do it in my carriage? Let me know. Darcy

we’re only the hottest country in the world in the hot potato sense, like everyone wants to drop us

Elizabeth, Are we people who want to fight American imperialism? Because we should come together. Darcy

he’s like a reverse Franz Ferdinand because it would prevent a world war, not start one

At zero dark thirty, the Nobel Prize slipped out of its case and spoke into its headset. “I’m in.” The voice on the other line said, “You know the mission.” “For God and country,” the Nobel Prize said, and it crept down the hall.

If you bomb the Louvre until an employee gives you the Mona Lisa so you can make them the new head of the Louvre, that doesn’t mean you painted the Mona Lisa.

(sitting down for coffee with an ICE agent) will you drink the coffee in front of you, or in front of me? the game has begun

want to write a sentient object romance about hockey equipment called Tonight I’m Puckin’ You

what if an assassin went undercover on a hockey team and fell in love with a player and it was called Marry, Puck, Kill

Every ICE officer let the murderer leave without arresting him. They’re not there to enforce laws. They’re there to terrorize.

Goodnight Trump

not religious but I hope there’s a hell for them

imagine calling ICE officers “people”

I’m not greedy, I just want one person in government to do a single fucking thing to try to stop him

it would be so funny if it happened today

My statement on January 6:

Dear God, If he dies this week, I will… (gulp) I will respect Elizabeth Bennet’s family. Darcy

Elizabeth, The only boots on the ground will be yours after I take them off and kiss up your legs until I arrive at a place that also starts with V. Darcy

Elizabeth, You said I was the last man in the world whom you could ever be prevailed upon to marry. In light of America, surely I’m at least the second to last. Darcy

so… do any countries want to arrest OUR President and take him away?

Mr Darcy awoke and stretched. “That was a fun night.” Elizabeth Bennet snuggled into his chest and said, “Quite.” Mr Bingley, on the other side, stroked his foot against their skin under the sheets. “We,” he beamed, “are doing that again.”

I entered 2026 and groaned, “Whose year is this?” “Yours,” the new year said, locking its legs behind my back and squeezing its inner walls, metaphorically.

Elizabeth, Are you fireworks? Because I’ll have you banging outside and keeping the neighbors up all night. Darcy

It’s not about how many books you read. It’s about how many you f***. NOT LIKE OTHER ROMANCE NOVELS is a sentient object romance for the book lovers www.amazon.com/Not-Like-Oth...

It’s not about how many books you read. It’s about how many you f***. NOT LIKE OTHER ROMANCE NOVELS is a sentient object romance for the book lovers www.amazon.com/Not-Like-Oth...

Do you love books? Because I wrote a sentient object romance where the book loves back. NOT LIKE OTHER ROMANCE NOVELS is available now! books2read.com/u/m2jvDr

Do you want a poem where Mr Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet have a threesome with Santa? Of course you do. Merry Christmas!

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the estate, Elizabeth Bennet was getting her pussy ate. Her stockings were strewn across the floor with haste Because Darcy had needed her to sit on his face. The rest of the guests were snug in their beds; Darcy, however, was giving her head.

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me a single fucking consequence for Donald Trump.

what if we were selected for the Patriot Games but decided overthrowing the government was more important than winning and along the way we fell in love FOR REAL???

when he dies my sadness will go down 400, 500, even 600%

Elizabeth, Shall I compare thy pussy to Venezuela’s oil? It’s yours. I want to use it, but it’s yours. And even if you let me drill it from time to time, it’s yours. Darcy

cucked by the Blair Witch

Elizabeth, Call me Vanity Fair because I will go low. Darcy

“You’re a mean one, Mr Grinch. Stop teasing with that nine inch.” I dug my fingers in his fur that was green As he filled me with much more than peen. He grew three sizes. He called my name. And then, like Christmas, he came.

when he dies I’m going to read a kissing book on his grave

I hope he goes in against a Sicilian when death is on the line

One day we’ll get to talk about him the way he talks about others, and that will be a good day