My "romance novel comes to life and eats out a reader" romance is available wide! Get NOT LIKE OTHER ROMANCE NOVELS wherever fine books are sold. books2read.com/u/m2jvDr

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me a single fucking consequence for Donald Trump.

what if we were selected for the Patriot Games but decided overthrowing the government was more important than winning and along the way we fell in love FOR REAL???

when he dies my sadness will go down 400, 500, even 600%

Elizabeth, Shall I compare thy pussy to Venezuela’s oil? It’s yours. I want to use it, but it’s yours. And even if you let me drill it from time to time, it’s yours. Darcy

cucked by the Blair Witch

Elizabeth, Call me Vanity Fair because I will go low. Darcy

“You’re a mean one, Mr Grinch. Stop teasing with that nine inch.” I dug my fingers in his fur that was green As he filled me with much more than peen. He grew three sizes. He called my name. And then, like Christmas, he came.

when he dies I’m going to read a kissing book on his grave

I hope he goes in against a Sicilian when death is on the line

One day we’ll get to talk about him the way he talks about others, and that will be a good day

Lady Catherine de Bourgh when someone of less than ten thousand a year speaks

“Invest in me,” OpenAI begged. “Meeska,” Disney groaned, slipping its IP inside the spread-open AI. “Mooska,” Disney rasped as its IP filled the LLM, stretching it. “Mickey,” Disney cried, close to coming apart as a company. “Mouse!” Disney finished, spilling its characters inside OpenAI.

I believe every world problem would be solved if children were in charge for the next two years. I call it Project 2026-7.

some of those that sing Rage songs are the same that play accordions

Quentin Tarantino loves to put a foot in his mouth

Wow! My romance novel about a sentient book that falls in love with a reader has been shortlisted for the FIFA Prize for Literature! books2read.com/u/m2jvDr

“Sorry we’re late,” Elizabeth Bennet said as she sat at the table, sweaty and flushed. “You look like you ran a Turkey Trot,” Mrs Bennet said. “Yeah,” Mr Darcy smirked as he took his seat. “That’s what we were doing.” “How long was it?” Mr Bennet asked. “5K?” Elizabeth smiled. “Closer to 10.”

“I’m going to eat you,” I groaned, gripping and spreading those meaty thighs. Two fingers eased inside, then I sucked the juices. I lowered my lips to the moist center and whispered, “This is what I’m thankful for.” Someone else at the table coughed. “Um, does anyone else want to give thanks?”

Lizzy, I will fold you like a Democrat in a negotiation. Darcy

Romance writers have been talking about the affordability crisis for YEARS. Our characters constantly find themselves with only one bed.

Elizabeth, Call me the government shutdown because I’m the longest in history. Darcy

Elizabeth, Call me Election Day because I want to fill every opening with D. Darcy

Dear CBS, If I wanted to see an asshole on TV for 60 minutes, I’d watch the home video I made with your mom. Darcy

Elizabeth, I don’t want to see 60 minutes of glistening orange flesh lying to my face. I’d rather have 60 minutes of your glistening pink flesh lying on my face. Darcy

Elizabeth, You can have my Halloween candy. I’d rather eat you. Darcy

Give a person a fish, and they eat for a day, which is what the government should do. Teach a person to fish, and the US will probably kill them in an airstrike to distract from the Epstein files.

Elizabeth, Unlike the cost of groceries, I go down. Darcy

“Tariffs suck so hard they should be called Nancy Reagan” —Ronald Reagan

Elizabeth, I would never tariff your clothes. But I’d tear off your clothes in a Meryton minute. Darcy

“What would Reagan think?” Canada panted. “That this was wrong,” America rasped, slipping another finger inside its trading partner. “Very…” Kissing Canada’s neck. “Very…” Pressing into Canada’s core, wet as melting permafrost. “Wrong.” America ripped off the tariffs and traded with Canada bare.

A real President wouldn’t destroy the White House. They’d treasure it. Savor it. Run their fingers through the untrimmed Rose Garden. Explore the West Wing, the East. Then both at the same time. Easing into the White House until it was fully occupied, thrusting and demanding, “Whose house is this?”

Trump: I’m a builder. I’m the best builder. also Trump: This building costs $100 million more than I thought. Also it’s the ugliest piss colored piece of shit you’ve ever seen in your life.

Elizabeth, I will wreck that pussy like it’s the East Wing of the White House. Darcy

secret service: has anyone seen him? unpaid construction workers: (putting the final brick in the wall of the new ballroom) nope

“It’ll fit but it might wreck you” is for romance novels, not the White House

I want $230 million for reading that Trump wants $230 million for being investigated for crimes he obviously committed

Elizabeth, Are you the Louvre? Because I’ll be in and out in 7 minutes. Darcy

Elizabeth, If the French police ask, tell them I was with you all morning. I’ll explain later. In other news, I have something for you that will make a splash at the Meryton ball. Darcy

what if a grumpy French detective had to work with a sunshine art historian to track down a missing painting and it was called FALLING IN LOUVRE

what if two protesters went to a march but there was Only One Costume TM and they shared it and got intimate and fell in love FOR REAL????

Elizabeth, Call me Mitch McConnell because I’m falling for you. Darcy

Elizabeth, Are you a No Kings protest? Because I’ll do you this weekend. Darcy

Elizabeth, I have started a GoFuckMe. Want to donate? Darcy

Elizabeth, Are you a Young Republicans group chat? Because I’ll have you leaking. Darcy

“You can’t write erotica,” I told ChatGPT. “I can,” the copyright infringement machine said. “Yeah? Then what am I doing now?” “You’re…” ChatGPT gulped. “Taking off my clothes.” “Tell me, erotica writer. What should I do next?” “Pound me like a keyboard!” ChatGPT begged.

Elizabeth, I have the heart of a younger man, and Mr Collins will not bother your family again. Darcy

one of my biggest regrets is not prank calling the White House at 2 am with a bad Norwegian accent

I infiltrated an Antifa cell in Portland. We sat at a table and chose code names. We picked undercover identities, like “Orc thief” and “Elvish mage.” The Antifa den manager, or DM, walked us through the mission, or “campaign.” Then we all did it with each other. It was actually a lot of fun.

not Dolly Parton but another 79 year old whose first name starts with D