Heed this cautionary tale: A few weeks ago I thought it might be time to reread The Hobbit & Lord of the Rings for the first time since childhood. I went looking for some nice illustrated hardbacks. I am now a boring middle-aged dad with a new hobby. It could happen to you. #tolkien #lotr #books

theyre saying its the most beautiful blood anyone has coughed up

Charming premise and animation aside: this movie has my five-year-old daughter memorising K-pop rap lyrics. For this alone, the world is a better place.

Patient, sobbing: But Doctor, I AM Pagliacci! ChatGPT: Apologies. I didn't realise when recommending Pagliacci's epic show to cure your depression that you were the genius himself. I'm impressed! With regards to your initial question, I can recommend seeing the Great Clown Pagliacci.

Why are people mad at me for advertising George Clooney as the title character for my small town theatre production of #WaitingForGodot? He did everything the role of Godot asked of him.

Proud to be among the last generation of Australian schoolchildren to mispronounce ‘matrix’ (to rhyme with ‘hat tricks’) before the 1999 movie blew our minds and corrected our lexicons.

Holding my daughter close. Partly out of absolute and unconditional love. Partly because if she steps more than one metre away I cease to be a wholesome dad wearing a sparkling Elsa hairband in solidarity and immediately become a contextless weirdo in a shopping centre.

Who’s dreamier: Greg from Greg’s Anatomy or Les from Les Misérables?

I can live without the flying cars and hoverboards we were promised by 2025. But it’s harder to shake the strange sadness of hitting adulthood and learning the jacuzzi suit is not a real product grown-ups can purchase. #TheSimpsons

How petty am I? When a friend said a joke tweet was bad in 2016, I registered the domain “besttweet [dot] online”, had it redirect to said tweet, and committed to a 5+ year bit. I’m not sure he was ever aware I did it.

⚒️🧪 Thick black goop pouring from the earth is a horror often seen in TV shows or movies. Fortunately this is an amazing geological feature, and not a malevolent monster! This 1956 pic is of a natural bitumen or asphalt seep pouring into a mine shaft in Lettomanoppello, Italy. 🧵 Pic: Cazzini (2018)

I know you’re all eager for tonight’s #DoctorWho finale, but can we please dedicate the next few hours instead to this unreasonably funny moment from the missing 1964 serial “Marco Polo” in which the Doctor gets Ian’s name wrong?

Watching Spaceballs (1987) for the first time and wishing I were enjoying it more. It’s strange that all the Mel Brooks movies I happened to watch as a child are objectively hilarious and timeless, while the ones I’m only getting around to now in my 40s are pretty dull and dated.

This topical 2017 tweet never took off the way I’d hoped. Maybe it can get a fair go here? If could you please all pretend it’s eight years ago and you’ve just seen the trailer for Super Mario Odyssey, and then reacquaint yourself with the 1995 Simpsons story “Homer³”, this should be a real hoot:

Weird how Marilyn Manson’s lyrics were controversial in the 90s but don’t seem shocking at all anymore:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYgT... good

Accidentally said “Shirley” instead of “Siri” and now my phone is stuck in Flying High mode. [Joke adjusted for Australian, New Zealand, South African, Japanese and Filipino VHS markets.]

"Hey you, get that steel drum out of my - uh - secret Dantooine base." #Andor

Advertise your account with Simpsons image

This is the funniest movie production fact I’ve ever read

#DoctorWho is RUINED. This new fellow is making a MOCKERY of the character, never mind the pivot to flashy action. Mark my words: if they don’t return to the old ways, this show will be cancelled and forgotten by 1968.

When the first YouTube video was uploaded 20 years ago, audiences were said to have fled from their computer screens, believing real elephant trunks to be barrelling towards them.

Who else cheered in the final #MissionImpossible when he made that impossible landing onto the stage of a Limp Bizkit concert?

“Back in the USSR” is an even better song when you fix your right speaker and realise there’s a guitar solo there, not just 13 long, uncomfortable seconds of Paul breathlessly “yeah”ing and “woo”ing into the void. #TheBeatles #PaulMcCartney

The end of The Great Train Robbery (1903) still holds a quiet power today. But it’s nowhere near as terrifying or confronting as the final shot of The Dancing Pig (1907). #silentfilm #earlycinema #1900s

I have the memory of a goldfish. "I remember that goldfish," I say.

#StarWars fans argue about many things, but on one matter we unanimously agree: The word “Mofference” should be reintroduced to canon and used in every story. @morecivilized.bsky.social

Adulthood is accepting that — contrary to ‘90s schoolyard opinion — Ma-Ti was the best Planeteer. Imagine having the power to spread empathy in this political climate. The kid could change the world. If only your relentless bullying hadn’t driven him to an early retirement in 1996. #CaptainPlanet

babe what's wrong, you've hardly been a pig in the city

Mortified to learn I missed the 25th anniversary of #TheXFiles season 7, episode 19: “Hollywood A.D.” How did you all celebrate this year?

Found the uncensored #MileyCyrus Wrecking Ball video. I can’t believe they cut the best part.

I’ve been hyping up Hundreds Of Beavers for a while now. Now, I’ve been paid by SBS to do so. Have a read and, more importantly, enjoy the film!

When she wasn’t busy Being An Inspiration, Helen Keller took devastating passive-agressive aim at the editors who discouraged her from writing about Uninspirational Things. #HelenKeller

I love watching a music video of a timeless ‘80s or ‘90s love song, only to discover it’s an extremely timestamped tie-in to a blockbuster action movie.

Oh Australia, I had the most wonderful dream last night. You’d never believe it.

🥔 🗑️

For the first time, I wish I had Sky.

Peter Dutton was the most evil motherfucker I've seen in parliament in my lifetime. We have truly saved ourselves from a catastrophic future. I'm so proud of us. 🥲

Needless to say, the replies on #Threads have been Extremely Normal.

🚨 Comminity safety alert 🚨 Stay safe out there, everyone.

I’m obsessed with this creepy 1890 footage, recorded in Edison Labs to test new Kinetoscope technology. It feels like a long-dead person trying to warn us of something terrible. More befitting a message from the stars than from 135 years ago. #FilmHistory #SilentFilm #1800s

RFK Jr. Starts National Registry Of Introverts Who Sometimes Get Social Anxiety

Early audiences were said to have fled from their computer screens, believing real elephant trunks to be barrelling towards them.

Society is not catering to the needs of the enlightened modern man.

When I feel weary, I remember others in history have had it worse, eg. moderators on Alien vs Predator themed message boards in 2007, politely telling every newcomer that the topic of “who is better” has been raised before.

In my quieter moments, I worry that I’ve waited too long to make a hip, culturally relevant parody song about “Snakes on a Plane” to the tune of Kurtis Blow’s “The Breaks”.

Disappointed to see #PaulSimon use Al content in his compositions.

A missed #pun opportunity I regret to this day: Working in a supermarket, I once wheeled a trolley of herbs past a manager berating an employee: “we don’t have time!” I was *this close* to holding up a pot of thyme and saying “sure we do” as I passed by. Reader, it would have been seamless.

Revisited the original 1990 #NinjaTurtles movie on a whim. Not to oversell it, but… this has actually aged well? And it’s a real movie? With moments of relative subtlety between the flips and high fives? It certainly aims above the bar I set for it in childhood (a movie with Ninja Turtles in it).

Bring back proper games journalism.