slurpin’ on it loud, but too loud, so it kind of becomes a distraction

It's really a golden age of being punished by our parents, teachers, politicians, and culture heroes for believing in the moral ideals that they themselves taught us

This meeting could have been an audio log left on the corpse in the hall. Yeah, the one who died writing "DEMONS" in blood. No, the one by the water cooler.

My Taco Bell Dinner with Andre

“he looks like he smells good” is absolutely a compliment about a man that any man-attracted woman can understand lol

apparently there are several measles cases in brisbane, so i just got a free MMR vaccine! maybe other people in brisbane want to also consider this if you are around 39 like me and probably haven’t had an MMR vaccination in several decades lol

do you reckon the most common materia in the FFVII world is probably a summon that office workers use to get some creature to do their job? or do the managers just force everyone to use it?

🎵 tale as old as time/ song as old as rhyme/ beauty and some guy

silence, normal! the weirds are talking 🗣️

y’all ever feel especially holy?

mmm post-mix cinema cola drink when they got the syrup juuust wrong 🤤

western secularism will say “obviously you don’t have anything like an imperishable soul that would be ridiculous!— your sex does tho”

Is it actually a queer social event or is it a polycule swap?

this specific post is actually a perfect summary of all of aleister crowley’s magickal works, and i’m not even kidding

me? i'm doing a one woman ritual to make God laugh

one of these nights i’m going to learn my lesson and realise i really cannot calibrate an outfit to be “slutty but not *too* slutty” 🤦‍♀️

“this group is dangerous because they say we are going to come for them and their loved ones. we must defend our innocent selves by making it easier for us to come for them and their loved ones!”

hwaet! we have heard the glory of the Mall-Rats, the things that ruled them, and how these Millennials performed mid deeds

i really need another account where i can just be fully insane

Sir Thomas Aquinas, inventor of JSTOR,

Academic job market is an MLM, prove me wrong.

i believe that dr dee did talk with angels, he just didn’t know he was calling their frat house

dr john dee: what are the angels saying? edward kelley: shhh john! you’ll scare them away djd: oh! ek: they say… djd: yes??? ek: they say we should swap wives djd: ek: djd: …we’re back to this shit again?

Sense8, but it’s just a Fleetwood Mac documentary

if there was a dating app with tentacle monsters on it, would you join? oh don’t act like you’re better than me 🙄

me, arguing with my digestive system: Oh, now it’s *my* fault I ate the thing I knew would hurt us? Look at you! Where are your fucking enzymes, bitch? my digestive system: [noises redacted for the comfort of the reader] me, sobbing: Why are we always like this?

when someone says they “never for a moment doubted that [parent] loved me” wh- why would you say that then? 🤨

now this is what i call discourse 😎

i thought vyvanse was supposed to suppress appetite, why am i hungrrryyyyyyy 😭😭😭😭😭

ME: yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery, but today is a gift: that's why they call it the present ☺️ THE CAPTAIN OF THE FIRING SQUAD: a sentiment to, um, live by. do you by any chance have any *other* last words?

hmmmmm it’s probably a coincidence that my vyvanse crash has begun to lift about fives minutes after applying my estrogen gel, but still…

these LLM scambots aren’t even trying anymore

Bluesky has a big problem. and that problem is that it is not currently sucking my dick. my newest column:

"method actor" implies the existence of "abstract actor", "introduction actor", "results actor", "discussion actor", & "conclusion actor"

i’m a bisexual for the perks

second richest man in the world, begging on the street:

to break the hold of a Manic Pixie Dream Girl, take the victim on a UV light tour of the MPDG’s bed room

how serious am i being in any given post? let's find out together

so that vyvanse crash doesn’t fuck around, huh?

next year, the nintendo wii will be 20 years old 🫵😂

i have deceived none of you i have revealed your true desires!

beethoven (composing the 13th string quartet): big if fugue

personally i think about a guy who is the wolf man, but same spirit

coworkers asking about my weekend-

dracula, throwing wine glass to floor:

Simply put, I want to grow old Dying does not meet my expectations

so does vyvanse tend to work any longer than concerta? looks like i’m about to find out

zhuangzi ch. 2:

false enlightenment is an existential risk for an egg