America is saving the world by showing everyone what not to do

Excited for all my kids to learn how to read so I can let them know that reading is for nerds

News websites trying to find someone to interview that thinks Prince Andrew is innocent

State of The Union: Measles is back and kids are hitting themselves in the face with hammers

Hmm.. I don’t think so

ay man lol @kenjennings.bsky.social

ken @kenjennings.bsky.social i would like to pitch a game of jeopardy as an event for All Star contests of any sport because it would be funny to watch them make fools of themselves. these people dont want to do anything athletic anyway and get hurt at something stupid. also there's a charity angle

Matthew Porn

My wife: what are you looking at? Me, drooling with a red face: Nothing really

i do not consent to go to prison

They found him @mobydickatsea.bsky.social

1. Walker goes blind but uses his special Native American powers to become Daredevil 2. Walker goes undercover as a HS principal and turns the school around in 43 minutes 3. Two episodes where he fights grizzly bears and wins 4. Walker goes undercover as a Mexican 5. This youtu.be/8n_P71mkuVI?...

and then sometimes you get this one www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2_S...

i have a bunch of ram that im not even using right now

my baby at bath time

It's been 30 years since the Atlanta Olympics, crazy that we were all listening to this back then

Congrats to my boy for winning his election

Something I’ve been working on

bleh

Words to live by #LinkedIn

I've never had a stalker but I think I could deal with one pretty easily. At the very least, I could convince them to go stalk someone else that has more going on in their life.

It's always the ones you most suspect

Macro dosing that shit they gave to Algernon

@puzzmo.com I just learned about Hink Pinks and they might be a good addition for you.

@nbabeau.bsky.social @acosta32jp.bsky.social @modakhilnba.bsky.social

the terrifying ordeal of being known

Eminem News

I know who I'm choosing

A deer with razor sharp teeth

From Oct. 2033: Totally exonerated, no wrongdoing on Leslie Wexner.

first, the board of peace meeting, then war.

*walks into bedroom, tears in eyes, reluctantly pulls down prince andrew poster*

we have reached full im the birthday boy defense

I didn't know that sea lions like to party @pizzalawyer420.bsky.social

what else did david blaine do to these guys 10 years ago

look at this shit lmfao look at their faces

Was trying to remember a Will Forte quote from Tim & Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie and accidentally figured out how to make Google’s AI tool shut up

Just thought we all needed to see Michael Mann hand-painting the red dragon makeup on Tom Noonan for MANHUNTER.

@adamfriedlandshow.bsky.social you mogged the shit out of that jester

when satan takes a hold of you and makes you do the biggest spin move of all time

@franhoepfner.bsky.social it doesnt look like you are that active here but ive really been enjoying your videos lately 👍

It's not that I don't believe you were raped by a ghost. It's just that there is no evidence

In the seventies, if you were making a movie where someone goes crazy, you could just make them spin around in circles a bunch with some weird lighting and that was more than enough

Think of all the people that are going to hell on some small technicality. Sorry Bob, you did pretty good but remember that time you ate fish on Sunday? Well I hope it was worth it