I'll just say my current position on capital punishment is far more flexible than I previously let on.

Spent some of the $2 bills I was given on a sandwich sorry to cashless society but $2 bills still delight people even if they don't get to keep them..

Yeah, I'm a thought leader. Letting my thoughts lead me to write checks my ass can't cash.

There are a lot of racists who really make me wonder how their special interest ended getting people on trains (extremely negative) instead of getting people on trains (extremely positive)

Based on this logo, I assume Laval, QC shares its police department with Minecraft www.laval.ca/police/

Sorry, I am quarantined in my house until it is safe to touch door knobs outside my home without getting shocked

The Mississippi Department of Human Services can no longer replace stolen SNAP benefits after Congress allowed a program to expire that replaced SNAP benefits stolen by card skimming and other forms of fraud. buff.ly/JAEWbqX

They got the mayor of Chicago stressed over chicken spots www.instagram.com/reel/DQ40oiD...

When a cat is showing you around their house

When you're catching up on gossip and it's all positive

When someone wisely deletes the post

Who has actually written an explainer of what next steps are with the house and/or followed up with Shaheen about what the hell she meant by first steps? I would like to read it please. If you don't have this information please fo not spitball in my replies. I'm tired

We have this at home *Opens Hinge and sighs*

You better not about to let your dog slip you some tongue in that dating app photo!

Didn't stop Daffy Duck. James Bond might not have that dog in him.

have you considered the literary device of “built different”

He looks like a dude who argues with everyone just trying to chill in a dorm common room

They got the mayor of Chicago stressed over chicken spots www.instagram.com/reel/DQ40oiD...

*me standing next to Lake Superior being interviewed about how scary it is* I don't like being cold and I don't even like rollercoasters

My favorite song inspired by the news was in January 1988 Run-DMC and Aerosmith reunite with "Stuck In A Well." It sounded a lot like "Walk this Way" but it was about Baby Jessica being freed from that well in Oct 1987*

Imma level with you. I still haven't heard what that song sounds like even with all your posts. But also, someone definitely made a mashup with the Gilligan's Island theme song, didn't they?

Okay, seriously, in 2026 we're going back to caring about regular size hippos. Tired of the travel-size hippos that can only sink boats because they throw off the balance of the boat they were placed aboard

Lewis Hamilton has lived lives

I mean, sure JCO eloquently cooked a man in that tweet. But still nowhere near as succinct as LeBron's "U bum" tweet. Point to Bron.

This has been an outstanding week of "no one knows what they're talking about, which is terrible news for me, a person who does not know what that means."

Could someone with college football expertise please explain the appeals process before Mike the Tiger will be allowed to eat Brian Kelly?

Floating down the Mississippi river on a inflatable raft all the way down to Baton Rouge just to maximize the amount of mess I see following whatever is happening at LSU.

I only want to see the Rude! posts from people I follow.

Me crafting the exact same style of antagonistic post for funsies over and over

You need to stop using a Bluesky Labeler in judgment and instead label your relationship with the Lord before judgment day from the sky

College football is better than Bravo, tbh. Just mess interrupted by commercial breaks of sporting events

this is some of the funniest shit i've ever seen, i hope they reactivate his email just to double down on this stance

Man, you are due for a colonoscopy next year. You are too old to be referencing Harry Potter on your dating profile!

absolutely no question in my mind he's married to a chatbot

When your aunt has social media beef but doesn't know how to use social media

Erik Spoelstra on the final play: "I've had that play on my card listed as CQ for 4 years. When it got to that point, Quinny said we should run that. I said, you know what, there's no better person to diagram it than the one who came up with the dang thing"

Are you just not allowed to have an average looking face and be a D1 women's sprinter? *Touches earpiece* I'm hearing absolutely the fuck not

Not all NY Dems but somehow always a NY Dem

Me: [drinks straight from OJ carton] Troy Aikman, appearing from behind the fridge door: That’s why he struggles, Joe, and it’s not getting better

They can't keep getting away with this! (Kissing their dogs on the mouth in dating profile pics)

Happy Electric Shock Any Time You Touch Something season, beloveds!

We get the first new Robyn song in SEVEN (7) years on Wednesday!!!

Damn, Michigan got their asses WHOOPED by Wisconsin in hockey this weekend.

@universalhub.com There was a huge fire in an off-campus student residence building at UMass Amherst over the weekend - over 200 students lost everything and have been displaced (the building was a total loss) (1/2)

No good songs!

Gonna check this out.

Been severely on my Cathy grind this week (Period and prednisolone. I can't get enough chocolate!)

Catching your cat code-switching right before they try to finesse you is so humiliating.

american health care is fundamentally based on insurance in one form or another and every time it gets tweaked a lot of people reveal that they do not understand or do not support the concept of insurance