Filip Forsberg rocking the traditional Leksand folk outfit ahead of #NHLGlobalSeries 🔥 📺: Watch the /penguins vs. /PredsNHL at 2p ET TODAY on NHL Network and /Sportsnet (via IG/nhleurope)

Cat Follows Man Through Apartment Like Racist Walgreens Employee https://theonion.com/cat-follows-man-through-apartment-like-racist-walgreens-employee/

and so begins the annual tradition of the cats slowly figuring out ways to fuck with the tree

getting a text in the middle of the night and it's just my loathsome vizier saying "Your enemies lie in wait, my lord!!" what am I supposed to do with that. its four in the morning

Frankenstein (2025)

Old enough to recognize “Boogie Shoes” when it comes on at the grocery store. Young enough to think it’s Trick Daddy’s “Take It To Da House”

Give a man a fish and someone with a thousand fishes is going to bitch about people getting free handouts. Teach a man to fish? Yeah, that person with a thousand fishes is going to bitch about that too.

bro i bet willy wonka's emails were CRAZY

Scheduled a meetup yesterday on Facebook marketplace to sell something today. I arrived 8 minutes before the agreed upon time and let them know where I was parked. 25 minutes later I reached out to them to make sure we were still meeting and they had blocked me after my previous message lol

Favorite new reaction image

Best friend’s husband ate dog treats on accident 🚨

Everybody pants now, pants pants pantspants

i respect only one bird

Once again my political enemies are smearing me by presenting evidence of my crimes

All seeds and stems

Interesting development: antivax coworker is talking about how her dogs are all up to date on their shots

Bring back burgundy sedans with cavernous burgundy interiors and rosewood accents. I want a car that drives like a bank.

this dude helping his bro pick up his stick should be highlight of the night but our bloodthirsty sports media only feeds us conflict

Not a single risotto recipe in the bunch

Dog ate my job numbers

Let me show you the difference between a $40 hoodie and a ~$100 hoodie. 🧵

[ambient levels of ibuprofen continuously circulating inside me commandeering speech centers of my brain] 𝕝𝕚𝕒𝕣. 𝕕𝕖𝕞𝕠𝕟. 𝕗𝕒𝕝𝕤𝕖 𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕡𝕙𝕖𝕥

Guy seething with jealousy: Well, I think the normal sky is already pretty cool

I wish I possessed the confidence and serenity of someone selling a $5,000 car on Facebook marketplace with only one posted photo that isn't even of the car for sale

Actual text messages to my boss

Did it happen

“I’ll just slip into something more comfortable,” I say, walking into the ocean.

ummm I missed that line in Flanders Fields

today is Europe's 9/11

It’s only $29.99 ! Get your Nazi shirt now. At Walmart.

I am begging you to look at this car my friend sent me

I'm listening

Incredible things are happening in Richmond, Virginia y’all.

Was difficult to keep score but we played cornhole at a wedding tonight

We are like a mile from the central/eastern time zone line and my phone is in absolute hell trying to figure out what time it is at any given moment

STOP having "conversations" with ChatGPT and START talking to your stuffed animals like a normal person

bluesky branding refresh unveiled

BREAKING: MLB plans to introduce a new rule in 2026 allowing teams to cheat against the Dodgers, per commissioner Rob Manfred. "We’re simply restoring balance. After two years of Dodgers parades, we feel it’s only fair to let other teams use trash cans, cameras, or whatever gets the job done."

I tried to whistle over a stray cat in my neighborhood and a woman walked by, who I worried thought I whistled at her. So I said “im whistling at the cat” but when I looked back down at it I realized it was just an old fast food bag

Important update to this: their actual game item is in the mail so they've just been using Random Objects in the meantime (before this one it was a hammer)

10/10 take. No notes.

If you're bending the knee at this point, it's because you want to

This is one of the funniest apologies I've ever seen

I say we give the carnivorous death ball a go.