Not a drop of the Giggle Water in

If I ever get killed by a 7-year old I am begging one of you to lie through your teeth until it becomes accepted as fact

Raising my hand higher each time some Pod Save bro asks “Who Amongst Us” about Platner until my shoulder pops out of socket

Shoutout to “Bleed It Out” - the only Linkin Park song I remotely enjoy

Every Summer Soccer Gossip Column: Manchester United and Manchester City want this player, who wants to go to Barcelona, who is trying to kidnap the Pope to get under FIFA regulations

Congratulations to Arne Slot, who won a title with Klopp’s team and then got fired

Imagine being so far gone from humanity that, from a purely moral standpoint, you'd prefer Paxton in office than Talarico

I refuse to let myself just be attacked by a bank mascot like this

What a season by the Habs. I’m glad it’s over because the last four games were brutal. But solid overall.

Turning it off is self care

Carolina doesn’t know what they’re in for tonight, it’s eight minutes in and Montreal already has one (1) shot on goal

[almost three months after the primary] NY Post Editor, crayons sticking out of his mouth: WE WILL RUN A STORY ABOUT HOW HOT TALARICO'S LATINA GIRLFRIEND IS. THAT'LL SINK HIS CHANCES AGAINST PEDO PAXTON

Houston Astros, postseason home games, 2023-2025: 1-7 Montreal Canadiens, postseason home games, 2025-2026: 3-7

No one talks about teenager cum more than this creep

Referees the world over can kindly go to hell

Big fan of International Incidents

Dan Weldon is such a bitch that he’s never even heard of Jordan Shipley, wait until he finds out who his dad’s roommate at UT was

Was there an unusual turnout decline in the Cornyn-Paxton runoff? (no) /cc @astroscounty.bsky.social and @orangefire.bsky.social

Turning this game off, as a form of self-care

Montreal knows they need to win this game right

Finally had some time to look at numbers in the TX GOP Senate race. Some things that stand out to me: *Almost 700,000 fewer people voted in the runoff than in the primary *Paxton added 4,808 votes from the Primary to the Runoff *Cornyn *lost* 405,514 votes

This is the lineup for Fyre Festival 2: 2 Fire 2 Festival

If I ever perform in drag my name would be Gal Fieri

Last time a storm knocked tree branches all over my backyard it was two weeks without power and $2500. Oncor Guy just came and fixed last night’s damage for free.

I approve of the Dems' response to this, though

More like CON Paxton amirite? HMU @jamestalarico.bsky.social

If you want to know just how badly John Cornyn debased himself just to lose by ~30 points to Ken Paxton, read my obituary for Cornyn's political career: www.chron.com/texas/articl...

Chief Justice of the Supreme Court James Crow

Every Habs game in the playoffs is like [Hartford] 3 Montreal 2 overtime Shots: [Hartford] 73 Montreal 14

Why doesn’t Montreal like winning in Montreal

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

ZAK BAGANS: [spins around with a camera and an infrared camera] WHAT WAS THAT? ME: [eating Twizzlers] probably a ghost, Zak

Pick a Bond villain from the pictures you already have on your phone

Turns out that I really like Getdown Services' "I Can't Die Like That" music.apple.com/us/album/i-c...

Hearing reports that tonight at dusk, John Cornyn and Ken Paxton are going to fight to the death at the top of the clock tower in Austin and whoever is left standing will face James Talarico in November. Risky strategy but I approve

Perpetually a triple shy of the cycle

I could be a Country star, what with impending hits like: "We Got Our Ass Beat (Confederacy Song)" "The South Will Rise Again (Unless We Get .1" of Ice)"

We need the Carolina Blue-Helmet Guys here to protect us from the government

Love how The Bank will take money out at 3am and then when I deposit a check on Saturday they’re all, “Ooooh sorry bestie we’re at the beach but we’ll deal with that on Tuesday”

The main thing about the Bluesky is dying folks is that they’re almost invariably straight white guys. And as a straight white gut, it is past time for straight white guys to just ssssshhhhhhh

What a library pull today

A lot of people don’t remember this but Toby Keith died on 9/11. He was one of the pilots and his last words were “Allahu Akbar”

Girona was in the Champions League in 2024-25 and got relegated two seasons later

s h i t

The NYT must go the way of the dodo

This is crazy. You're telling me the Mormon Ole Miss guy is a Trump supporter?

ICYMI the last few weeks: *Coventry & Ipswich won promotion to the Premier League *In the playoffs, 6th-place Hull beat 3rd-place Millwall *4th Place Southampton beat 5th Place Middlesboro *BUT! So'ton were found guilty of spying on Boro's practice and got kicked out of the final

“You stupid son of a bitch” -me every five minutes watching either of the Sisu movies