Your morning reminder of some of the people still supporting a sexual predator and child rapist. You're welcome.

i have not been able to grow one bird with this seed

Oh wwiii just started? Perfect time for the neighbors to set off fireworks

Life got you down? There’s a nap for that.

A masterpiece

being married is just telling your spouse the same thing over again but with increased rage every time you repeat it

GLENN: Why don't you wear a suit? You're at the highest level in this country's office & you refuse to wear a suit. A lot of Americans have problems with you not respecting the office. ZELENSKYY: I will wear a costume after this war will finish. Maybe something like yours. Maybe something better.

fuck. that. guy.

fuck it

What to do if ICE comes to your door... #Immigration #HumanRights #FuckLaMigra #Law #ICE #FuckFascism

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH

who doesn't know this?

i bet when the Hamburglar robs people he holds them at bun point please do not unfollow me

Sorry to be a dinosaur / old man but I cannot emphasize enough that video-based social media has been a catastrophe for the human intellect

it is finally my time! Wordle 1,290 1/6 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

The longer I’m home, the more homeless I look.

Wishing you a restful break! Thank you for all you do, educators—we'll see you in the new year 👋

zero!

Sitting at a middle school choral concert thinking how absolutely absurd it would be for music teachers to be evaluated based on how many kids were on key and nailing choreography.

‘Tis the season to be mehstive

Happy Midwinter Solstice lovely Bluesky folk! ☀️🌙 May this day mark a turn towards the light, and may the return of the sun fill our hearts and homes with warmth, happiness, and kindness... 'Winter Solstice' painting by Belgian based artist, Tijana Lukovic - www.tijanadraws.com #WInterSolstice

[Being murdered] "Oh good now I don't have to finish wrapping these Christmas gifts"

Husband: we got invited to 3 holiday parties Me: yay people like us Husband: are we going Me: absolutely not

Woke up against my better judgement again

millennials are the best generation bc we ate the perfect amount of microplastics

I'm not for abolishing responsible gun ownership; I am however 150% in favor of much stricter gun control legislation at all levels.

bah humpug

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

[Santa sliding down the chimney at my house] Ho ho holy shit they left the fireplace on jesus christ I burnt my ass.

Everyone loves when the scissors glide but when you tape the back of the present and the pattern on the paper matches up perfectly? That feels like drugs.

not to be negative but I really hate when all the things

We've got New York drones now, too. Started yesterday. Annoying as shit.

ME: ok ok i’ll start over. standard california license plates have three letters next to each other and rarely do they form an actual word. that car had “HEY” on it’s plate and that’s cool, right?? THEM: please just pull forward to the next window

Hey. You might need this today

I couldn't shoot a deer but under the right circumstances I would probably slap one in the face

going on shark tank and trying to raise 1 billion dollars to put asses on the back of mount rushmore

What I like most about BlueSky is how on twitter I always felt like I was an outsider looking in and I do here too, so it really feels just like home.

Three-year-old, apropos of nothing: "I really like your skin." Am I raising a serial killer?

normalize shutting the fuck up goddamnit

Wordle 1,269 4/6 ⬜⬜⬜⬜⬜ ⬜🟩⬜🟨⬜ ⬜🟩🟩🟩⬜ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

You should be able to get out of speeding tickets by describing how the song you were listening to made you feel

ME: anything? PROSTITUTE: anything *an hour later* PROSTITUTE: ok I made dinner, set that appt for you, and called your mom back but this was a one time thing bc you’re fuckin sick

Something wrong in your life? There’s a nap for that.