Bro that is NOT pikachu

Thinking about baseball.

Absolutely extraordinary. The Democrats conceded *nothing* and got everything they demanded. They said no ICE/CBP funding, and that's precisely what happened. In other words, they did not cave. At all. But the GOP did—completely.

really "funny" how schumer is totally fine with backing here but refused to get behind mamdani in the slightest. why you might even think there might be some particular biases going on here

we'll be talking like this about cars soon

Trump Boys Break Another Blender Attempting To Make Oil Out Of Charcoal https://theonion.com/trump-boys-break-another-blender-attempting-to-make-oil-out-of-charcoal/

⛵️ Over 50 vessels depart Italy bound for Gaza in largest civilian maritime mobilization yet The Global Sumud Flotilla departed from Augusta, Sicily with over 50 vessels setting course toward the eastern Mediterranean in what the organization describes as the largest coordinated civilian maritime...

Gavin Newsome has said his son is a fan of Charlie Kirk Andrew Tate and now Clavicular. You should probably stop running for office and spend time with your son

Lmao keep telling me that Dem leadership shouldn't be criticized. Dump this fool. He's a Republican at this point. This isn't some partisan bullshit, this is protect the country

After scientists exposed wild fish to cocaine and a cocaine metabolite, they observed that, as in the lab, fish on cocaine do not act like normal fish.

If you had a shred of self respect or took your job seriously one iota you wouldn't have been there at all. This guy has said over and over he wants the press dead and you showed up? Maybe scold him instead of a generation of kids traumatized by 20 years of school shootings. Jackass

Once again, transportation issues do not justify expanding the surveillance state As always, the solution is trains

Tick tock, tick tock. McDavid as an Oiler is almost over

Or you could just talk to them. With kindness.

Alex Jones is now just making supercuts of Tim & Eric sketches and freaking out. Alex Jones on Twitter: "⚠️EVEN MORE VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED: We Compiled a Super Clip of Even More of Their Most Depraved Publicly-Released Material. This is SICK FOOTAGE From The Onion Scum."

4th grader: “Mr. Novak, why is 9/11 in your computer?”

didn't you put your phone in the pool because it was too hot or something?

Kamala Harris' campaign org rehabilitating Tucker Carlson is incredibly stupid and evil, but not very surprising.

where have i heard that before

Picked this game up a week ago and it’s SO good. A city builder that really leans into building intimate spaces, and some good mess controls. Also it’s only 15 bucks

As I do every year on 4/20, I will be following the Jeopardy! interview segment tonight by saying “Dream blunt rotation. Now let’s get back into the Jeopardy! round.”

In Chicago today—what was supposed to be a simple off-street cleaning at Eugene Field in Albany Park turned into an encampment sweep that lasted for hours. City workers destroyed two unhoused residents’ belongings and shelter.

We've been waiting for this project for over a year. All merch is on The Onion Store: store.theonion.com?srsltid=AfmB... Story: www.cnn.com/2026/04/20/m...

I haven’t biked to work at all this school year, and am so excited to break that streak tomorrow

whats the point of having a homie if you can’t even call him bootylicious

All you Dem MFs running in the midterms, you can't point to polling anymore as your reason for being wishy-washy on this right here. So we'll know damn well where your bread is buttered if you do

The Strokes played Coachella against a backdrop listing all the world leaders that had been assassinated by the CIA, a count of the number of universities bombed in Iran, and footage of the bombing of the last university in Gaza

The Human Centipede is better than Baldurs Gate III.

So uh, I’m gonna be in the MassArt archives lmao

Why haven't Democrats announced, in advance of the April 23 Warner Brothers vote, that once they're in power they will smash the terrorist Paramount monopoly into a thousand pieces? www.independent.co.uk/news/world/a...

Hello handsome

ICE activity in Chicagoland has been on the rise with the temperature the last few weeks. These incidents don't have the spectacle that characterized Greg Bovino and Border Patrol's raids in the fall, but people are still being abducted by federal agents across the city and suburbs.

Congress pretended to care about this during the Taylor Swift tour and then it disappeared because of Trump but The People were like FUCK THAT. And that's why we're gonna win. Remember when Congress/SCOTUS let Trump off the hook and the only place he ate shit was in front of a NYC jury. Let's go

Release your inhibitions GI Feel the rain on your skin GI

🧠☠️

Total Dipshit Fans Think Pop-Up Fly Ball Going To Be Home Run

A+ headline. defector.com/president-ex...

it just lifts my heart to feel heard. thanks, ICE lawyer. 💜

Walking around in our summertime clothes

We need to bring back posting song lyrics that vaguely describe your life with context

Use bad photoshop like the ancestors did

They don’t tell you this as a kid but it’s actually school policy you can be out of uniform if you “got that shit on”

My god. Essential, horrifying reporting here.

For sure—but the evolution of what “PR things” entails is worth explaining, especially as those same things (namely, creating fake accounts to drive messaging and manipulate algos) are used to drive agendas around trials, crises, campaigns, controversies etc

30 years ago today, Principal Skinner purchased fast food to disguise as his own cooking at an unforgettable luncheon with Superintendent Chalmers. #TheSimpsons episode “22 Short Films About Springfield” first aired April 14, 1996.

Today is the 30th anniversary of Steamed Hams!